2007 New Professional

In Medias Res #31: Medias almost over, res now

2008-06-05T09:24:00.000-07:00

I’m writing this post as a way of procrastinating. Who would have though that the summer would be so busy? Even with my semester and yearly reports out of the way I still have a huge to do pile to get through. Part of the time crunch is a result of my move to a new office. I didn’t get a new position or anything, just a bigger office space in a newer building. Exciting right? Fortunately I’ve known about this move for quite some time so I have been setting up this office with the expectation that I will have to move it all soon.
Speaking of moving I just left my cool downtown third floor walk up for a bigger, newer apartment right near campus. When I came out here (around this time of year actually) to go apartment hunting I was convinced I wanted to live away from campus. I wanted to be around other young people in a neighborhood that had nothing to do with the school. While I still stand by that belief too many middle of the night commutes home after student events had convinced me I needed to find a new place. I looked for a long time at places all over my price range before finally finding the perfect place. Its huge. It has wood floors. It has a washer dryer. I can walk to the park. I can walk to work.
Now that I’m more or less unpacked I’ve come to a cruel realization though. Every piece of furniture I own is a hand me down from graduate school. My old apartment was small, and the fact that it was a third floor walk up sort of precluded any desire on my part for carrying up lots of new furniture. Getting groceries upstairs was enough of a pain in the ass.
This new place, while only a few bucks a month more in rent, is twice the size which means I have two rooms in my new place completely devoid of furniture. So I am going furniture shopping this weekend, dear reader. I think I’m even going to buy a dresser in addition to the much needed couch and dining room table.
What does any of this have to do with being a new professional? Well, smartass, I’m settling in. I looked back over the posts from my job search, and if there is a recurrent theme it is this: peeved and cranky. That year was a rough year. In comparison the recurrent meme for this year seems to be comfortable. I’m comfortable in my job. I’m comfortable in my city. I’m comfortable in my skin. My major project for this summer is to maybe find some new experiences that will make me a little uncomfortable. And maybe tighten up some of that skin.
Last year at the end of the blog I gave some lessons. I think the job search is a uniform enough process that what I said then, I still stand by. This year I don’t think I can offer you, dear reader, suggestions tips or guidance. If you live on? You experience will be nothing like mine. If you live off? It will still be completely different because you don’t do my job at my institution. If there is any piece of advice I could offer: it is to be very very intentional about fostering a life outside of work. Even if all your friends work at the University, have a glass of wine with them away from the residence halls. I love my students, but I still firmly believe in the sort of boundaries that drove me to that apartment on the other side of town.
I know I got lucky. Most of my success here was a combination of excellent graduate preparation and a good institutional fit. I didn’t experience explosive growth like I did in graduate school. The learning I did as a professional was pretty small scale and incremental. What I got out of this year was a fantastic sense of self and place (seriously, it feels much better than it sounds), and an idea of how my future might unfold.
I think this is my last post at least for the summer. It has been fun sharing my first year as a professional with you, dear reader.

In Medias Res #30- Holy Crap

2008-05-06T11:14:00.000-07:00

Its May! How the hell did that happen? Honestly I didn't forget about you dear reader. Life took over. As it does.

So what happened? A wedding, multiple graduations, some crazy weather, and I almost got a puppy. I know, right?

Just be forewarned: this post has almost nothing to do with student affairs. Next time I'll do the big "Year One" breakdown. But for now, I just want to let you in on where I've been.

The wedding was fantastic. Saw lots of college friends who I don't see enough of. I got to see one of my best friends marry someone she loves. The ceremony was beautiful and even though I became the defacto organizer it was the most relaxing weekend I had in a long time.

Graduations- in student affairs- are pretty much par for the course. They were uneventful other than they were the first one I've experienced at my current institution. People can graduate in January here, they just can't walk. One of the things that they really do right here are the ceremonial aspects of things. We may be theatrical, but it's always to an end. I generally walk away impressed and inspired when we do something like commencement or convocation.

And..my neighbor's dog had puppies and I almost took one. I played with it for a half an hour, my allergies nearly killed me, and my neighbor refused to let me take it home. She was afraid I would suffocate in my apartment.

Have you all heard Robyn's album? I know it came out like two years ago in Europe, but damn it's capturing my mood at the moment. I've blogged about her before, but the album is actually available in the US so it seemed appropriate for her to make a return.

After a year in this job and this town I feel pretty comofortable. In comparison to this point in my graduate school career when I was climbing the walls and fighting off seasonal depression, things are marvelous. I will write a longer post either this week or next (maybe) reflecting on the year. I've learned alot as a professional, and I like to think that I've grown a bit too. Now though, I just want to sit back and bask in the 'holy fuck' reality that it is in fact May. MAY!

In Medias Res # 28- Shit's Good.

2008-04-21T14:13:00.000-07:00

I took a week off. I know you have a hard time without me, dear reader, but as the semester winds down I needed the time away. Part of writing this blog every week means sitting down and actually reflecting on (as Macy Gray so eloquently put it) “How Life is”. I know as Student Affairs practitioners we’re supposed to be encouraging reflection, but I’ve been apartment hunting and the process of reflecting on whether I can live with or without a dishwasher is sufficiently taxing. (Verdict: I can not in fact live without a dishwasher).
Part of the reason I’m moving is the commute and part of it is how wildly I underestimated my living costs. I could be spending a lot more on rent, and therefore have quite a few more amenities in my apartment. With said amenities I would also enjoy my apartment more which will make the extra rent worth it. That said, I don’t have to move- my apartment is perfectly fine if not a bit small and a bit old. I will only move if I find a place that I really want to live.
So that’s what I’ve been doing. I have also been enjoying the spring weather. It is surprising-dear reader- how much the weather has an effect on my emotional well being. Friday here was ugly and rainy. Saturday in contrast was gorgeous and I found myself feeling quite a bit more positive and optimistic. It was a sea change of sorts. It has me looking forward to the rest of spring and the coming summer.
I was chatting with a friend this weekend as we were walking to an outdoor concert. He’s in the middle of a relationship dissolving that maybe quite wasn’t a relationship. Anyway, he needed to talk. We did, and as polite people in these situations do he proceeded to ask me about my love life. Which is non-existent a fact I remain pretty comfortable with.
As I get ready to finish my first year here I find myself becoming increasingly comfortable as a professional. I am comfortable in the place I live. I like my job. Things are good. I’m sure I will have more to write next week as there is a wedding coming up and I will have college friends in town. That will certainly make me reflect on what I’m doing, where I’ve been. All the stuff you love dear reader. Right now though? Shit’s good.

In Medias Res # 27- Sucks to Be You

2008-04-07T08:45:00.000-07:00

Man, you think job searching sucks? Try being on the other side of the table. I thought it would be fun, dear reader. I thought it would be novel getting to do recruitment: being on the other side of the table, ushering candidates back to my expertly decorated table, asking the questions that I cared about. And it was novel. For about twenty minutes. Then it became an unbearable slog through mediocrity, grating personalities, and bad wardrobe choices. I should note that we saw lots of great candidates. We really did. People whose resume and responses made you want to reach across the table and hug them. I found myself flush when someone showed a spark of creativity or reflection. These candidates- and there were many- woke me up, got my head back in the game, and reminded me why I love student affairs.
Unfortunately these people were VASTLY outnumbered by the other sort of candidate. The people who were interviewing with us out of desperation rather than real interest or passion for the position. The individuals who were skipping around from job to job, clearly trying to keep their head above water in a field which had burned through them. There were the people who had gone straight through from undergrad to grad school but had failed to make that crucial learning transition between student and educator.
I do not like interviewing candidates, I do not like it Sam I am.

I want to get on my soap box here for a minute and speak to the graduate educators. Are you listening? Good. I like you all. At different points in my life I have thought I might even want to be you. But some of you? Some of you must be slacking a little bit. I know you can only do so much quality control. You can’t force a person to write a competent cover letter or think before they speak in an interview. Those of you who work at programs who prepare great candidates, you know who you are and you can probably tune out at this point. I hate to sound like a snob (wait, seriously? I hate to sound like a snob? This blog is pure snobbery!), but when the right program popped up on a resume the interview was almost always pleasant. And then there were the WTF programs which inevitably produced WTF candidates. I know this isn’t law school. It’s not as if our field is flush with young bright talent. But some of these programs? You should be ashamed of yourselves.

ACPA otherwise was fun, but sort of dead. Did anyone feel like this was a smaller conference than normal? I went to quite a few good sessions, and I came back to work pretty excited to get started again. This weekend the weather was beautiful so I went apartment hunting. Found some interesting things, but I’m not exactly ready to sign a lease. In large part if I’m going to move the place has to be perfect. The process of moving is a bitch and therefore this apartment must be absolutely perfect. Or as near as possible.

In Medias Res #26- Suit Up!

2008-03-27T14:41:00.000-07:00

1. What the dapper gentleman wears for ACPA
I went suit shopping this weekend. This-I believe- is the first time I’ve ever gone suit shopping by myself. It is in fact one of the few times that I’ve gone shopping for clothes alone. I know I don’t have much in the way of taste or personal style. This is why I almost always bring someone else with me to shop. Initially I did do that. A coworker joined me for the first round-and ended up buying himself an overcoat- but for day two I went out on my own.
I needed a new suit for ACPA. I’m interviewing candidates for 4+ days. The alternatives were either: wear a sport coat one of the days or double up on a suit. This is what I ended up doing at placement last year (for the curious I wore a sport coat in lieu of doubling up). The whole time I was walking through placement, though, I felt underdressed.
The suit I bought is nice. It was on sale. It is a pretty uneventful suit. Clothes shopping, though, got me to thinking about professionalism. That word in the form of an outcome for improvement came up in my last performance review. I have had a rough transition between ‘grad’ school appropriate and work uniform. I know there are certainly days I come into the office with too much beard scruff, or an un-tucked shirt. I also know this is unacceptable.
Here’s the thing though: this job runs us all ragged. Something has to give for people. For some its their social life. They spend their nights and weekends at work and spend their free time preparing for work. I have a colleague like this. I could not live the way she does. For others its sleep or vacations. I give up ironing my pants. You may be wondering how ironing can be that time consuming. Well, I’m going to have you to simply accept the reality that doing laundry is a bitch. I hate it. With a passion.
The whole issue of ‘what to wear’ gets compounded by the fact that I have very few ‘dress’ clothes. Basically I own enough to get me through a week, however when you return to the same place week after week that’s not sufficient. So I know where my tax refund is going: Banana Republic (and their ilk)!
The irony? I actually really like wearing dress clothes. I think I look universally better in them, and I’m almost always more comfortable when I have to attend a meeting or visit with a colleague.
2. Recruiting
How very underwhelmed I am by the process of recruiting a new hire. Most of the resumes we get have no related experience, are vastly under qualified, or they have some glaring spelling or grammatical error. Now, I know I’m not prince dear reader. I misspell stuff all the time. But not on my resume! Not on the resume I posted to the placement site!
What has been most interesting about this phenomenon has been the ‘unexpected applicants’. These are either alumni of the institution who are now in student affairs or former colleagues and friends that the director who I am recruiting for (but do not work for, I should add) would like to see in the position. Most of these people? No real experience and to cap it off a lot of them have wildly erratic resumes. Were they not ‘known’ applicants or friends of friends they wouldn’t make it pass the first resume review. Quite a number of these applicants have less than a year experience at any institution they’ve worked at.
I know student affairs is hard. I know circumstances change. But when you’re making a lateral move after three months at one institution to a position at the same institution! And then you don’t even stay in that position a year? There are multiple applicants like this. The whole thing makes me uncomfortable, and its making me suspect of this colleague.
I have friends from grad school. I would love for them to live in this city (and believe me I’m lucky because two of them do). I would love more for them all to work at this institution. That’s never going to happen though. Because where I work is not a good fit for many of them. Hell, it’s a horrible fit for most of them! They would hate many of the very things I love about it. Case in point: I spent two hours yesterday in a faculty reading group. This is a professional expectation. They would also hate many of my colleagues, in some cases for the reason that I love them. Case in point: the colleague who made attending faculty reading groups an expectation.
Unfortunately there’s no good way about discouraging this director from pursuing these candidates. They can’t see the forest for the trees, and as such most of us will get stuck with a colleague who gets burned out after nine months. And then we get to do this process all over again (assuming they have the decency to tell us they’re searching-which given their current track record doesn’t seem likely).

In Medias Res # 25- You’re boring, baby, when you’re straight (Special Super Sized Video Packed Commemorative 25th Post)

2008-03-20T14:01:00.000-07:00

Anybody else like The Kills? Not the Killers of “Somebody Told Me” fame. I have no real opinion on them one way or the other. The Kills are a two piece band that makes thudding bluesy rock music. They’re pretty awesome.
Anyways they released a new album this week which is spectacular. Their first album came out when I was a senior in college. I listened to it quite a bit on my ipod as graduation approached and so now whenever I dig it out of its case I’m immediately transported. The new album and the process of making a mix tape (I know, I’m dating myself. Who actually makes mix tapes anymore?) for the trip to ACPA has me nostalgic for music and its affect. I’m an album listener. I don’t single out specific tracks. I like to listen the whole way through. As such the nostalgia an album as a cohesive whole generates is pretty much correlated to specific times and places for me.
I was going to write this week about prepping for ACPA as an employer. Then I realized there’s another Thursday (which means another post) before ACPA starts. Instead I started thinking about coping mechanisms, and for me the most efficient and effective way to relax is to put on my headphones. I listened to a lot of music when I was job searching, and even now in my office I keep a constant drone on in the background. Part of this is because I’m in temporary space under a dance studio while my new office is built (and those hoofers make a lot of noise, I tell ya what). Still, I find it difficult to think without some ambient noise in the background.
I listened to all of these albums in whole or in part during the job search, and even now I still throw them on at work to get transported.

The New Pornographer’s Twin Cinema
This is not the best New Pornographer’s album. It might actually be their worst. Of course the worst New Pornographer’s album is like the least chocolate covered cherry. Fer chrissakes it’s still a chocolate covered cherry, and that’s pretty awesome. So why this album in particular especially given the majestic awesomeness of Mass Romantic and the Electric Version? Well, this album came out during my worst stretch of grad school, and as I drove around rushing from work, to class, to a tiny semblance of a social life I really just wanted someone to sing me Spanish techno.

Morrissey-You are the Quarry
Again, a least chocolate covered cherry album by an artist with much better work under his belt. And again, I spent a lot of time alone running around with this album in rotation on my i-pod. This album in particular, though, is about frustration. Frustration with friends, lovers, with your country and with other people. I was in college-although it was the summer- and I was interning at a crappy literary agency. I was reading horrible manuscripts, working for a jerk, and I was the only one of my friends who didn’t work nights. So I was up early every morning to get to work, and spending most of my weeknights crashing around 8pm. Morrissey and I were riding the same wavelength that summer. I still find myself listening to “First of the Gang to Die” when I need to get pumped up which is odd since its not a particularly ‘pumped up’ song.

The Magnetic Fields-69 Love Songs
Not everything I have a romantic attachment to is a result of a stressful period. This album is actually three discs long and its one of the many many things I share with my brother. Right after I got my first car (and installed a CD player) I somehow ended up with this album. I think-if memory serves correctly- this was given to me as a birthday gift. I can’t remember by who, though, and I wish I could because they obviously have fantastic taste. Whatever the case I ended up driving my younger brother around a lot. And we listened to this album a lot. And we both happen to like it. A lot. I got stuck in an airport in Denver because of snow last year and I listened to this album the whole way through. It made the time fly. When my brother came out to visit me at my new job we drove around town and this was our soundtrack.

Belle and Sebastian-Life Pursuit; Fountains of Wayne-Traffice and Weather; Welcome Interstate Managers
This was my job search album. I haven’t been able to listen to it since. Its a pretty good B&S album. Way more up tempo than the vast majority of their catalogue. This and the Fountains of Wayne albums Traffic and Weather and Welcome Interstate Managers are bleary sad albums about being a work professional. They’re really more suited to long journeys than multiple spins in the office. They are albums that make you appreciate the work we do. Just about every morning- even if I’m tired and cranky- I look forward to going to work. But these albums also hit home a little too much. Take the lyrics from FOW’s Someone to Love off of Traffic and Weather:

It's Thursday night she should be out on the scene

But she's sitting at home watching "The King of Queens"

There's something wrong that she can't describe

She takes the contacts out of her eyes

Sets the alarm for 6:45

So she can get a little exercise.

I’m not dying for somebody to love. But I did set my alarm yesterday so I could get up and jog while the weather is still nice. And I do like to catch an episode of ‘The King of Queens’

Sleater Kinney-Everything every by Sleater Kinney (The Hot Rock, Dig Me Out, All Hands on the Bad One, One Beat, The Woods)
Wow. Ok, Sleater Kinney makes me feel kind of old. Dig Me Out came out 11 years ago. Some of my students were in first grade. I’ve liked a lot of bands that have broken up. That’s nothing special. But Sleater Kinney got me through my adolescence. I play music in my office a lot. Some of the stuff (Elvis Costello, Pavement, even Ghostface Killah) I just expect is too old for my students. The fact that SK is no longer a band, and that for my students this stuff is no longer current (or even relevant) that makes me feel old. And for some weird reason that makes me feel happy. I love every one of these albums, but it is nice not to be a restless grouchy teenager now. There is something to be said for being a grown up, with a job, and responsibilities. I went to two concerts this week, and so I don’t feel like an old fogy yet. I can still stay up late with the Kids. But I did leave both shows by midnight cause I had work the next morning.

Joan as Police Woman-Real Life
According to my media player at work I have listened to Real Life by Joan as Police Woman more than any other album since I've been here. There's nothing especially distinct about the album. It definitely fits into that Fiona Apple, Feist, Yael Naim genre of white girl with a piano music that I tend to secretly enjoy. I can attribute some of this to having downloaded that album the week I started work. Still, there's something about the music that keeps drawing me back to it. I think with some space and distance I can figure out why exactly. Maybe with some time and space I'll figure it out.

I don’t really know what the point of this post was. Sometimes my mind just usually drifts (especially on Wednesday afternoons when I sit down to write these things) and I spew whatever I’m thinking about. As I’m getting ready to head to ACPA on the other side of the table (and actually attend a few sessions, may chance?) I can’t help but think that some other people are probably nervously fiddling with their i-pods. Do other people have job search music? Music that reminds them of a specific time and place? Like your first semester as a hall director? Or that alternative spring break you took students on? Is there a genre of music that predominates student affairs?

In medias res #24-Spring Break 2K8

2008-03-13T14:46:00.000-07:00

That's right I'm kicking your ass hall director in the city. All over town. Ninja stylee. RESPECT.

I dated a guy freshman year of college who loved to ironically drop the phrase “Spring Break 2K2” into conversations leading up to the aforementioned event. This ex was a city kid and we attended a pretty urban non-traditional campus. Most of us-if we went on spring break- did service trips, and the rest just hung out in the city. My bf at the time though, was determined to have a good old fashioned spring break in the most ironic way possible. He and two friends drove down to a beach town, stayed in a ratty motel, and went to lots of bars with the words senor, froggy’s, slackers, and boomers in the name. They came back with sun kissed skin and overexposed photos. I had gone to build houses for Habitat for Humanity and didn’t feel particularly jealous. In fact I’m almost completely certain that I had more fun.
In grad school I usually worked through spring break. I lived too far away to go home, and especially last year I had too much on my plate to take that much time off. I did spent part of my spring break last year on a job interview, and managed to tack on a few days afterwards to visit some college friends. This year as spring break approached the only things I looked forward to would be getting out of here at five o’clock and the chance to catch up on some gestating projects. Over the weekend, though, a friend (and colleague) suggested that we recreate spring break on our own. Obviously we would have to go to work everyday, but in the evenings our students would be gone. The bars, restaurants, and fairgrounds of our fair burg would be ours! OURS!
So Monday night we went out. Tuesday night? Out. Wednesday? On the town! Tonight I’m going to a documentary screening so I don’t know if that counts, but tomorrow there is a raucous party on the docket. The only lowlight so far has been running into the whole remaining RA staff on Tuesday night at our local watering hole. I think our students took too much delight in seeing us outside of a campus setting and partaking of beverages no less! Other than that the main thing I’ve learned from this weekend is I will be happy to never go on spring break again. I love sleep and structure too much.
We’ve been talking a lot this week about wrapping the year up. It seems amazing to me that I’ve been here almost a year. I feel as if I’ve done nothing, and yet if I compare where my office was to August I’ve made some considerable progress. As I begin to plan for next year I’m admittedly having difficulty deciding on priorities. I feel as if I (and my supervisor) set the bar a little too low. There’s lots of personal goals I want to work on-specifically my level of professionalism- but in terms of the outcomes I identify I don’t want to set myself up to fail. Do people have this problem? I think a lot of it has to do with the vagueness of my position and the gray areas in which my office exists. I don’t want to set myself up to fail, but I definitely need to set the bar higher. If I don’t how am I growing as a professional?

Res. Life and the City #16- Past, Present, and Future

2008-03-10T16:00:00.000-07:00

Can you get to a future if the past is present? ~Carrie

First, let's have a moment of silence for the amazing feat that was just accomplished by yours truly. TWO POSTS IN ONE DAY! Hooray! I must say that I am fairly proud of myself. Since I'm no longer taking classes, I've realized that I've started to create smaller senses of victory in my life. I've realized that there really isn't a comparable feeling to finishing a paper and hitting "print" in the professional world. Sure, you can finish a project or create a new proposal, but I really haven't had the same sense of accomplishment so I'm finding it through my blog. With that in mind, I popped in my "Paper Writing Mix: 2006-2007" with the intent of finishing this post today. In case you are wondering, it's a mixture of Billy Joel, Journey, and vintage Kelly Clarkson. Don't judge. It's what got me through grad school so it must have been doing something right!

Second, I started off writing my last post about the issue that I am going to address, but it somehow spiraled into an advice session for job candidates. Isn't it weird where your writing can take you sometimes? Anyway, I decided that I still needed to process some of my issues and what better way than through a global stage that literally dozens of people read on a semi-monthly basis?! Am I selling myself short? Perhaps...

Okay, let's get down to business, shall we? Like the quote from Sex and the City states can we ever get to our future if our past is present? (PS Countdown to the SATC movie: 84 days!) I could think of no better quote than this to describe the last week of my life. Let me set it up for you. I have a friend from grad school, let's call him "Sam" who I have become increasingly close with after graduation. Although he is still back home, we talk at minimum once a week for at least an hour per session. Clearly, we're close. Therefore, it seemed only natural to invite him to see my new fabulous (res) life over his spring break. I set up a ton of activities, lined up times for my new friends to meet and fall in love with him and actually took a week off of work to show him around my new life. While I know that I have a somewhat romanticized view of the world (I'm working on it), I really had high hopes for the visit. I thought that we would fall back into the same witty, back-and-forth banter that had been happening over the phone for the past 10 months, but it would be in person. What could be better, right?

Wrong. I...was...so...wrong! He arrived and it was like it was a different person in front of me. Everything that I found enjoyable about him over the phone and from grad school now became incredibly annoying and grating to my nerves. I kept looking at him and thinking to myself "This is not the person that I remember." The basis of all of our conversations was simply a re-telling of things that happened in our past and he didn't seem too excited about my new life or job or friends. Granted, he did make an effort to get to know my new friends, who also happen to be my collegues since I haven't gotten around to the whole "making friends off-campus" thing, but it was a stretch to make conversation. My friends could tell that I was really getting annoyed with him as the trip went on and (God bless them!) continued to offer to tag along to activities and attractions to be a buffer between the two of us.

By the end of the trip, I was really ready for him to leave which actually came as a surprise, even to me. I am a somewhat, okay who am I kidding, really emotional person and don't deal with goodbyes in the most mature fashion (ie I bawl my eyes out), but when we said goodbye at the airport, it was like I was shipping off an acquaintance that I barely knew instead of someone that I had grown close to and had known for a year and a half. There was little to no emotional attachment anymore and at the time, I didn't really understand why.

However, since my grad school professors drilled the importance of reflection in my brain, I took some time to process with my friends and finally came to a conclusion. I didn't enjoy my time with Sam because he represented my past and I am fulling living my present and future. I wasn't really interested in rehashing old stories or memories from grad school when I could be making new memories now. I can honestly say that I have changed and grown a lot just in the few months that I have been away from home and I don't want to go back to many of the habits and quirks that dogged me in grad school. I think I have become much more self-sufficient and confident in my abilities in both a personal and professional capacity. I think I am more self-centered and I find myself looking from within for validation before looking to others and I honestly don't want to go back to the old me.

In conclusion, I am glad that Sam visited if for no other reason than it made me appreciate my new life, job, and friends even more than I already did. It was so nice to have friends that I could turn to for emotional support instead of always having others turn to me. I realized that I am so much happier in my new job than I was with my job in grad school and also that my old institution pales in comparison to my new one. Basically, Sam's annoying, cloying, and overbearingly awful visit helped me really be thankful for my new life, so thanks Sam!

Res. Life and the City #15- Meet Us Halfway

2008-03-10T15:19:00.000-07:00

Normal is the halfway point between what you want and what you can get. ~Samantha

Alright, before I get started into the good stuff, let's get a few things out of the way. First, I apologize wholeheartedly for the lack of posts. As I was looking through the archives, I must say that I am ashamed that I haven't posted in over a month! Clearly, this is unacceptable, especially since I agreed to post once or twice a week when I signed on for this blog so many moons ago. Second, In Media Res. is kicking my ass with all of the posts! I realize that it's not a competition, but if you take a look at some of my posts from last year, you know that I need to work on this aspect of my personality. Whatever, it's quality, not quantity, right? Right?

Anyway, I must say that I've been not only intrigued, but also inspired with the posts of my co-blogging plans. Not only has In Media Res. been entertaining and enjoyable, but the exploits of the two new job searchers has made me thrilled that I'm not going through that process again and simultaneously exciting to be on the other side of the table at ACPA. I feel professionally obligated to respond to some of the assertions made by The Great Fishbowl Quest. A few weeks ago my co-blogger wrote:

LESSON 1: Don’t show employers your cards: regardless of your excitement, level of interest, or fear of losing their interest. I promise that you can get a job without ever telling one school that they are your number one.

As a new professional working on my department's recruitment and selection committee, I have to say that I was disheartened to read this post. While I understand that institutions will be told throughout conferences and interview seasons that we are "definitely in my top three" there is no reason to hold back on your excitement. We want to know if you are excited about us! We want to know that you could envision yourself moving to our city and school! Believe it or not, we do evaluate you on things that aren't simply on the interview questionnaire such as your enthusiasm, passion for the position, and potential for moving to our school. If you keep your cards close to your vest, it will be very easy for employers to lose interest and pursue candidates who may not be as qualified, but who are more passionate about the position and institution. While I am by no means advising any candidate to oversell their excitement and string along an institution, I do hope that all of you new candidates will stay true to your personality and not become a vault of emotions when you are under the assumption that you are just "playing the game." While it's true that it is a candidate's market and that employers have to do the woo-ing, don't you want to end up at an institution that is just as excited about you and you are about them?

LESSON 2: Don’t leave employers hanging when you decide that you aren’t interested. Let them know as soon as you make the decision. There is nothing more frustrating than a candidate who shows interest and then never responds.You have control as a candidate to pick who you interview with and who you pursue. After all, you’re the one committing to a new job.

While I do agree wholeheartedly with the idea of not leaving candidates hanging on, please know that employers get just as (if not more) excited about prospective candidates as candidates do about prospective schools. I remember the rush of endorphins and the smile that came to my face when I read over job descriptions or institution profiles as a candidate and believe it or not, this same experience happens when we read a cover letter, resume, or thank-you note from a candidate. I think we have even more investment in candidates because we are investing all of this time and energy and effort into an actual person, while the candidate is being pulled in a thousand directions when interviewing with an institution. Candidates have to think about the geographic location, salary, benefits, living conditions, co-workers, potential supervisor, institutional culture, weather, partners, pets, parking, professional development, and the the list goes on. We just care about that singular candidate and their experience. Now, I realize that I am coming from a distinct point of view given my institutional culture and my experiences with my own search committee, but that's where I stand. While it is true that candidates are committing to a new job, institutions and departments are committing to a new co-worker, colleague, and supervisee. As we all know, adding one person to the mix of a group can seriously change the dynamics so don't underestimate the impact that you can add to a department. We need to know that candidates can see themselves fitting into our already established culture, but we can't know that for sure if you don't tell us!

Basically, I urge all of you to be true to yourself as a candidate and don't get caught up in the game. Do you honestly want to work for people who are good at playing the game or people who are just good people? Ask yourself this the next time you speak with an employer and you may be surprised with the results.

In Medias Res # 23: sometime to kill

2008-03-06T09:03:00.000-08:00

I. You can’t train me, Mother$%^&#*
I went to a volunteer training this past weekend. As I noted in last week’s blockbuster post “(insert title here)” I’ve been trying to cultivate a life outside of work. As part of that I’ve been sussing out some volunteer and service opportunities. One in particular I’ve become fond of, and last weekend they had a required training. I attended hoping to meet some new people.
I think on some level the work that I do has ruined me for trainings, workshops, and the like. This training was painful. I give presentations to classes, colleagues, and community members probably 2-3 times a week. I have to say-and reserve your comments, dear reader- I’m a halfway decent presenter. I have done this enough to know the basic rules. ALWAYS bring extra handouts (and if you want to conserve paper make it clear and accessible where this information can be found online). If you are working with a roomful of strangers-especially people who will eventually have to work together- do an icebreaker. Do a couple. Never just sit and talk and this goes double-no triple- for when there is already a power point presentation setup for you to use.
I’m not perfect. I screw up pretty regularly when I present. Sometimes I’m tired, or I’m underprepared, or I just plum forgot something. Whatever the case may be I figure out how to compensate. I certainly don’t allow my audience to suffer for it.
All that said I really liked everyone I met and I’m looking forward to getting involved with this organization. Last night was my first ‘shift’ and while it was uneventful I had quite a bit of fun.
II. I find this all very taxing
I’m ¾ of the way done with my 2007 taxes. This year was particularly complicated because I had to file two state returns in addition to my federal return. I am looking forward to getting back that 2K refund though. Hopefully it will show up in time for the down payment on a condo I may or may not buy. Either way 2K back in my pocket is a good thing.
One of the things it never even occurred to me to look into during the job search was the income tax rate. Now, while I didn’t get to move to a particularly liberal state (which means we have crappy public schools and questionable roads) it does mean that my taxation rate is pretty low. Take that MassachuVermontesota! You may have a social safety cushion that cares for everyone in our democratic society, but I’m keeping an extra $25 a month. Plus I’m a childless single white man. What need have I of social services? So screw you.
I like to think of myself as pretty economically savvy. I have money invested, and I’ve already started a retirement fund (woo hoo Roth IRAs!). I’ve also got life insurance-although the beneficiaries at the moment are my parents. I’m sure they’ll be glad I took out the policy, but honestly I doubt they’re going to be psyched with that inheritance. I was surprised at my own naiveté when it came to taxes, though. Despite my insistence on working at an institution with domestic partnership benefits, it never occurred to me to ask if the institution grosses up to cover the difference (they don’t) or if we live in a state which wouldn’t create an undue burden (it does). Again, all these things are relevant in the abstract-one day I might start dating someone and want to put them on my benefits plan- but it is at least worth thinking and asking about. Especially for all you dear readers who are job searching.
III. The Great Fishbowl KT Turnstall Quest
Have you been reading the new job hunt blog? I assume if you’re motivated enough to read my blathering you are in fact equally enthralled by the newest members of the Studentaffairs.com blogocracy (TM In Medias Res LTD). Some things stuck me as I was reading their recounting of the Job Hunt. (I’ve compiled them below for you in easy list form):
the James Frey effect- Ok, honestly more than once I could of sworn these bastards poached one of my posts. I went back and checked my own (admittedly more florid and sensual) writings and nope. They’re honest at least as much as I can tell. But the sentiment, the anxiety, the process. Its all way too similar. I feel for them. I do. They didn’t steal my posts though.
I know NASPA is earlier this year but, damn! When I was job searching the period between January and May seemed to stretch on forever. I know time moves faster here. It is an observable fact and I have the scientific equation to prove it. I will not, however, be sharing that information with you, dear reader, until it has been vetted by the Nobel committee and I have been properly rewarded. It seems like everything is just barreling down on these kids (can I call them kids?) OPE came and went as did SPE. NASPA is this weekend! Before you know it one of them will have a job. Perhaps both! My lord that seems quick.
I don’t think I ever explained my gimmick. Ok, so my co-blogger started out framing her posts with Grey’s Anatomy quotes and then moved on to Sex and the City (speaking of which, when do we get to hear about all your hookups? That’s what I come back for week after week). Fishboy (as I affectionately refer to him in my own head) has some strained metaphor about being a fish and looking for a bowl. I get it. And the other one is using half a line from a two year old pop song. (C’mon everybody, I kid because I love!) So where does In Medias Res come from? Well, as loyal readers of the blog know (which is probably what- me and Hristin Moh at this point?) I am an avid reader. In Medias Res is a Latin phrase which broadly refers to when we join a story in the middle of the action. Since y’all did not come on board at the beginning- it wasn’t nearly as trendy for a new fetus to blog when I was….a new fetus- you joined in the middle of the action. As such, you only really know what’s happening since post one. I know I explained this last time, but this is technically a new blog. New Blog, new pathetic rationalizations.
You can figure out what the hell it is I’m talking about at the 2008 Student Affairs Job Hunt.
Ok, this has been a damn long post. As you can probably guess I had some time to kill before a student program and now that time is gone. Have fun at NASPA or on Spring Break or whatever the hell it is you do dear reader with your free time (Crochet? Competitive archery? Collecting scrap metal?). I’m going to visit a grad school friend this weekend, and then recruiting some high school students (for work, not for my unauthorized production of High School Musical 3: To Catch a Predator). Ooh, maybe if I blog next year I can start every post with lyrics from High School Musical! I should probably watch one of those things know so I know what the hell I’m talking about.

In Medias Res #22- Certainty, or I know I just want to D.A.N.C.E.

2008-02-28T10:31:00.000-08:00

I have been talking a lot lately about summer internships with students. This might seem early to some people-especially since I don’t work in Career Services- but when you work with high achievers nothing is too early. In fact, these conversations were precipitated by the fact that more than a handful of my students already have internships.

One of the things that struck me about these conversations was how much waffling my students do. They are an uncertain lot, and every time a decision needs to be made they feel the need to unpack and deconstruct it. Normally this is a behavioral quirk I love. I once spent three hours with one group’s executive board as they debated their constitution. The question at play was how broad and expansive to be in their description of the target population and in their goals regarding working towards justice and equality. (I know I’m being vague, but this is supposed to be an anonymous blog. Stay with me here). It was-by far- one of the most professional rewarding conversations I’ve had post grad school.

Of course, I don’t find this behavior surprising. College students should be uncertain. They should be exploring and questioning (especially my students). I remember this behavior in myself at the same age, although given my ENTJ nature it resulted in me applying for every internship that interested me. Rather than weighing my options and proceeding cautiously as my students are doing. The things that I find remarkable is that much of this uncertainty I no longer feel.

When did that happen? I’ve always had five year plans, but my five year plans are notorious (at least in my own mind) for being open source: subject to much revision and recycling. Now, though, I know not only where I’ll be for the next year (here for those readers waiting in suspense), but where I could potentially be for the next few years. I was speaking with a volunteer coordinator at an organization I’ve been working with in my spare time. We were chatting, and she asked if I was new to town. I started to say yes, but then admitted that in fact I had lived here for eight months. Not exactly new although to someone like her who has lived here for 40+ years I certainly seemed like a newbie.

I find myself intentionally trying to set down roots here. In addition to looking for a new apartment I’ve been exploring places of worship and chances to get involved with young professionals outside of work. I know I won’t be here forever. A better job or a Phd program will eventually take me away so its not as if I’m living an ambiguity free life. But I do feel somewhat more certain about some major life decisions, and that’s a nice place to be.

In Medias Res #21- The Other Side

2008-02-15T13:54:00.000-08:00

So I will be interviewing candidates at ACPA. Exciting right? The job is up and in the placement system so we should be getting applicants any day now. I work at a sufficiently large school that HR has to screen everyone first, but they promised us resumes to start looking at on Monday. I am the point person for scheduling interviews, communicating with candidates, and decorating our table. (For those of you who have not been to placement before apparently you must decorate your table. Although I attended NASPA/ACPA last year, and went through placement I didn’t remember this. I initially balked when the committee chair suggested as much. In retrospect though, I can’t think of a school that didn’t have a banner or something).
This morning a colleague and I sat down to start brainstorming interview questions. We will be doing all the first round interviews and making recommendations for second rounds. When we first sat down we had seven different questionnaires from recent searches. We cherry picked what seemed like the best questions as well as those that seemed especially relevant to the positions. This afternoon I’m putting together a screening form for resumes. This might be overkill-who knows how many applicants we will actually receive? That said, I’m really enjoying the process.
There is something thrilling about being on the other side of the table. Last year, I felt compelled to always be on my best behavior. While I have no intention of representing my institution (which I love) through boorish behavior, I do think I won’t need to make sure I take as much care ensuring every hair is in place, every pore …uh..depored?
What I’m really most excited about though is the chance to have a significant influence in who my next colleague will be. I am generally fond of my coworkers, but I have very clear ideas about who I want in this position. I also feel like I have meshed well enough with the culture that the powers that be feel comfortable with my judgment. Since some of you may be out there in reader land doing the job search thing, I will give you some insight into what I’m looking for in a candidate.
I would like:
Someone intelligent (who can communicate their ideas clearly and who has ideas. Lots of them).
Someone excited about our specific institution.
Someone with broad interests. The position isn’t a generalist position, but you won’t be successful here if you view your work as a fiefdom.
I am taking students to a conference next weekend, which means I will probably be doing a lot of this screening on the road. Which reminds me, I need to book a van, find out about insuring student drivers, collect student contact information..this new hire can’t come soon enough!

In Medias Res #20- Sushi Triumphant!

2008-02-12T13:11:00.001-08:00

I made Sushi! Ok, first of all, I know this is late. But I’ve been sick, just like everyone else. Aren’t your students sick? Or are you reading this on your laptop in the University of the Bahamas? If so, I hate you dear reader. I hate you.

But back to the story: I made sushi! Now, I lead a cosmopolitan anonymous homosexual blogger lifestyle so I have made sushi before. In fact, this was one of the few successful programs I actually hosted as an RA. That’s a tip for you undergraduate readers in Res Life staffs: everyone loves a sushi rolling party.

No, what excites me so very much is that I made sushi at home. I made sushi rice at home. I made my own aioli (fancy pants mayonnaise), and I cut my own salmon and shrimp. To you this might not sound like much, but I’ve been trying to perfect at home sushi for quite some time now. And now..I have.

In general my culinary adventures this semester have been much more successful than they were during the job search. Of course, now I have more time, energy, and focus. My mind doesn’t drift in a million different directions. Instead, I can keep my attention on that damn egg and whether it is congealing or not.

I am ready for Spring dear reader. I’m ready for fresher vegetables and fruits that don’t look sad. I am ready to spend time outside of my apartment without thermal underwear. Perfecting at home sushi is only a minor solace in the face of no sunshine.

My students are getting equally stir crazy. I’ve been (in my absence) through two peer educator trainings, countless workshops, planning meetings, exec board meetings, and bullshit sessions. This is in addition to all the stuff I’m actually expected to do at work. In particular I’ve been having a bit of a cold war with one of my student leaders who demands that their exec board meetings be at 10pm on Mondays. I refuse to come back that late (boundaries people), and they really can’t get much accomplished with me so I expect that meeting will be moving to a more reasonable time. Of course, if that’s the case I’ll have to actually start attending it.
--

On a completely unrelated note I just got my own for real grown up Primary Care Physician. I went in for a check up, and I suddenly realized, “Crap! I’m an adult with health insurance and I don’t have a primary care physician. How will I get in network referrals? How can I take advantage of preventative medicine? What if I get a really really bad head cold?” That, of course, is taken care of now. So I just need to find a dentist.

Res. Life and the City #14- Professional Soulmates

2008-02-08T12:22:00.000-08:00

Carrie: I'd like to think that people have more than one soul mate.
Samantha: I agree! I've had hundreds.
Carrie: Yeah! And you know what, if you miss one, along comes another one. Like cabs.

Hello again dear readers. If any of you have stayed with me since the very beginning of the blog, which was about a year ago when I started the job search, then you know that I have the tendency to completely freak out. I also have the tendency to blog while in the midst of one of my aforementioned freak outs and have much more clarity after I take a few days to process. This happened when I got together my resume and cover letter, while I was phone interviewing, right before I left for the conference, a major attack hit while I was at on-campus visits, and of course I freaked out up until the point that I was getting job offers.

Therefore, it should come to no surprise that my previous entry was slightly freak-tastic. However, I have calmed down a lot and now realize that although my supervisor has left and she was fantastic, I think I will be able to survive and thrive without her guidance. Obviously, I've been given a new supervisor which comes with both negative and positive changes in my life. The main change is that we have also restructured our department so I'm not the only one going through transition. This is nice because I have colleagues who are going through the same thing; however, it also means that the majority of our HDs are somewhat off-balance so there isn't a ton of stability in our department. I know that as soon as the dust settles, we will be up and running at 100 percent, but it is hard to deal with so many changes when they happen smack-dab in the middle of the year. I think our profession relies so much on the traditional calendar that changes in the middle of the year can often be ever so much more jarring than transitions that happen during the summer months.

While I am excited to be paired with my new supervisor (she is equally amazing, but in different ways) it has created a somewhat awkward situation. The awkward factor comes in because she has been someone that I have developed a true friendship with throughout the past six months. Our department is very intentional about creating a "flat" organizational structure, so it isn't out of the ordinary for the HDs to become good friends with the mid-level managers. Since they live on campus as well, it becomes quite easy to stop over for dinner, watch favorite TV shows, or go out to dinner together. This has been the case for me. Since she was not my immediate supervisor, I have let my guard down while in social settings.

I realize that I may just be paranoid, but I suddenly don't know if it's okay or even professional to crack a dirty joke or make a not-so-professional comment while around her during both work and non-work times. We had our first one-on-one two days ago and it felt like a job interview! She was explaining her work style and then asked me to describe what I needed from a supervisor and I seriously felt like we were in a play or movie. It just didn't feel right to be so formal and not be able to roll our eyes at each other or make a snarky comment here and there. However, right after our one-on-one, we went out to dinner together and it was back to the way things used to be. I'm not sure how much of this awkwardness is coming from my side or hers, but it is just weird. I know that the professional, mature thing to do is to talk with her about it, but as we all know, I need to freak out first, get some perspective, then move forward. However, I still have hope that she can be my professional soul mate the way my last supervisor was. There's no rule that says we can only have one soul mate, right?

In Medias Res #19- Hitting My Stride

2008-01-31T13:35:00.000-08:00

When I first started my position I will admit I felt somewhat incompetent. Had grad school given me enough content knowledge to reasonably do my job? Yes. Had my grad assistantship provided me with enough professional experience to be able to operate effectively in my new work environment? Of course. Nonetheless I felt meager and uninformed when I first got here. My professional orientation did quite a bit to mitigate this. I started to learn the campus, build relationships, and situate my work in the context of the institution.
There were plenty of times when I felt like an imposter though. Sitting in my first crisis management meeting, discussing a student who I had worked with intensively up until that point, I felt like a moron for not seeing the signs of depression that the student had been exhibiting in egregious ways. My first major student program was for all intents and purposes a wash. The activities were poorly facilitated. The time was poorly managed. No one was really satisfied that any of the identified goals have been achieved.
Now all of this happened early on in my time here. As I got to know the campus, my colleagues, and my students better I learned what I need to focus on and what will take care of itself. My programs now-while by no means perfect- are better administrated, and I regularly receive positive feedback. My students are operating as organizations and as individual peer educators with remarkable efficiency. I am so proud of them, lately. I find myself gushing.
In my own work, specifically in the institutional change work I have been tasked with, I feel competent enough to be able to navigate the waters of bureaucracy to effect real change. In the last month three major organizational outcomes that I have been working on came to fruition in such radically positive ways I was blown away. I still struggle. I still feel the pang of incompetence. But, dear reader, I think I’m hitting my stride.
Yesterday was probably the best day that I’ve had at work since I’ve started. Two major institutional policy changes that I’ve been working on since I got here, and expected to be working on for the next few years, came up for review. And lo and behold, my recommendations were accepted. So now I need to find something new to work on.
My supervisor and I were discussing this morning our recent success, and he suggested he believes it is a byproduct of my ability to navigate the campus culture. Our conversation meandered to another new colleague (we actually started the same day) who has not found any sort of institutional fit. Others have been bubbling over about how this individual should maybe start looking at other opportunities. This is after less than a year!
When I interviewed they told me that the organizational culture was strong. This has its plusses and minuses. Obviously, for someone like me where the culture is a snug fit, I hit my stride a little bit sooner. It seems too like people who fit tend to stay here longer, sometimes for their whole careers working their way up. For others though, especially those who are resistant to the culture, I get the impression we chew them up and spit them out quickly.
For me, I’d rather be at a place where there’s a strong culture that I feel comfortable in. I’m sure to a certain extant it quells dissent, but I’m a strong personality. I’d probably get into quite a bit more conflict otherwise.

Res. Life and the City #13- Transitionally Challenged

2008-01-29T14:51:00.000-08:00

After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away. ~Carrie Bradshaw

First, I apologize for the prolonged absence. There's been a lot of stuff going on with my job and not all good. Second, I realize that I have used the preceding quote before, but it's really the only one that gets at the heart of this post so you may just have to deal with the repetition. I apologize wholeheartedly to the blog purists out there.

So the major issue that I have been dealing with for the past two weeks is a doozey. One of those "I don't know if I can handle this" bombshell type of things. What could possibly be so jarring to my personal and professional self? My supervisor is leaving. The person who recruited me from January through May of last year. The person that I have a professional crush on and have tried to emulate her sensibilities and purpose. The person that has made me grow more a professional and person in six months than all of my other supervisors throughout my life. The person who made this University not just a job, but also a home is leaving.

Now I realize that I am probably blowing this totally out of proposition, but it came as such a shock to me that I think I am still processing it. She pulled a colleague and I over after a meeting last week and said that she needed to talk to us about something. I thought that I had forgotten to turn in some paperwork or something else to that effect. Wrong. She told us that she had been sought out and heavily recruited to take a position at a similar institution that is about two hours away from our current one. She said that it was basically her dream position with a lot more responsibility. She will basically be in charge of an entire Res. Life department and since she doesn't want to get her Ph.D., she knew that she will only be able to move up in the field if she takes jobs with increasingly complex levels of responsibility. She said that she was not actively job searching and actually refused the offer at first, but the school was so set on getting her to come and be a part of major changes in their Division, they came back and re-offered the position. She was really flattered and thought that although she loves this place, she knew that this type of opportunity wouldn't come up again any time soon and she knew that she had to go for it.

What did I hear from all of this? I didn't hear that she was basically fulfilling one of her major professional goals or taking a big step up the ladder. I didn't hear that she was moving back to a city that she had previously worked in and completely loved. I didn't hear that she was going to reconnect with a lot of old friends. I didn't hear that she was on her way to being in love with this institution with the same passion and furor that I saw in her during the recruitment process. All I heard was that she was leaving and my professional world was crumbling around me.

This was so out of the blue that my first response was a selfish one. I managed to sputter out "Congratulations! This is so great for you!" but all I could think was "What the hell is going to happen to me?" I have never really had abandonment issues before, but in one flash of fear and worry, I think I have a better understanding of what people have told me about before. To add to the craziness, my supervisor told me that she wanted to make a clean break and not get too far into the semester so she would be finishing out this month and then heading off to her new position. Also, during our two subsequent one-on-ones, she has been unable to tell me where the department is heading and whether we will be restructuring or if her position will be filled with someone new.

Our one-on-ones have also been filled with lots of tears on both sides of the table. Granted, I don't discriminate when it comes to crying in front of people, but we have been having conversations about how she would never leave this school for any other position. She has continuously said that she only hopes that I have learned a fraction of what she has learned from me. She said that she was so excited about my candidacy during the recruitment process and had big plans for me with the learning community in my building. She was also very clear that just because she was at another school, that it didn't mean that I still couldn't process with her and visit every now and then. While I know that a lot of this was probably an attempt to quell my tears and eventually heaving, it was nice to know that the relationship hasn't been one-sided.

In closing, I don't know what will happen to me. I know that this institution is very committed to the growth and support of new professionals so I know I won't get lost in the shuffle, but it still an uncertain time. I will probably know more tomorrow after our staff meeting, but there is a part of me that feels like a foster child who is getting shuffled to another set of parents until my full-time family can be put in place. This whole experience has yet again reminded me that change can be my best friend, but the transition time to get to the point of cemented change does not agree with my professional sensibilities.

In medias res #18- I'm not there more than I am

2008-01-25T09:40:00.000-08:00

Phew! This one is two weeks late, dear reader. But its crunch time, and something had to give. I apologize for leaving you out in the cold like a puppy with an inconsiderate owner. If only you would stop shitting on the carpet.
One of my favorite classes in graduate school was about campus environments. I was (and remain) particularly fascinated by the interplay between socially constructed and physical environments. On my campus the physical environment is constantly in flux. We’re rehabbing buildings, tearing old ones down, and throwing new ones up. As space shifts what our students do in that space also changes. At the moment we’re lacking in premier large scale event space, and so my students are envisioning programming that is smaller and more intimate.
I am particularly struck by this affect-at the moment- because my personal space is influx as well. I got back from the holidays, and went straight off to a weekend retreat with my students. Since then every evening I’ve had a program, and my desire/willingness to put away my clean laundry and put together a new piece of furniture have been minimal. As such my apartment looks like a disaster zone.
Normally this would piss me off for about the first five minutes, and then I would come in turn on American Idol and ignore it. I am generally a pretty fastidiously neat person, and although my apartment’s disorganized it is not really messy or dirty. I’m taking exception at the moment because yesterday a friend asked if he could stay with me this weekend. Of course, I’m happy to have a visitor, but not when my apartment looks like a war zone. So I’m heading out early to clean.
I mention all this so you get a sense of how much order matters to me. Of course, I could of simply said: dear reader, order matters to me. But it wouldn’t of had the same impact, would it? No, no it wouldn’t.
So order matters to me. Some of my students are rehabbing an older lounge on campus for use by their student group. Of all the things I’ve been called on to do this year, this one task has been the most frustrating. In large part it is because of the disorganization. They’ve moved furniture into the hallway while they paint. They store their paint supplies all over the place, and they have ruined many a brush by forgetting (refusing?) to wash it.
My school is definitely a town and gown institution. When I tell people where I work that bit of animosity about the wealth and privilege of our students bubbles up. People love to recount horror stories about our students making some grave error or generally acting like brats. While this is so very far from the case with most of our students, like any campus we have a collection of bad seeds.
That said, I hadn’t really noticed how sheltered our students are until they ruined all the paint brushes. This might be an odd moment for critical reflection or revelation, but in reality it brought a couple of different things into focus for me. In large part I think I attributed much of this behavior initially to age. One of the strange byproducts of working at a competitive private is the reality that almost all our students are in the 18-23 range. So it becomes easier to dismiss anti-social behavior as a result of age.
This too shall pass. They will finish painting, the new furniture will arrive, and all will be well in the world. I will have a new satellite office to work out of with lots more student contact, and hopefully I can teach them to respect the space a little bit more. If not, I will aggressively intervene the best way I know how: throw out anything and everything not nailed down.

Res. Life and the City #12: Facilitated Friendships

2008-01-13T16:09:00.000-08:00

Carrie: Hey, I don't need therapy. I need new friends!
Samantha: Look, we're as messed up as you are. It's like the blind leading the blind.

Well, I'm back to it. Our buildings opened last weekend and I have just finished my first week of the Spring semester. It's nice to know that I have survived the fall, but similiarly to In Media Res' post, Spring semester is a totally different monster. I was advised by my supervisor to request committees and assignments that are Fall semester-loaded since I was immediately put on the professional selection committee which has all of their work in the Spring. Somehow, the committees I was placed on were "in theory" doing most of their work in the Fall, but due to certain circumstances and a general lack of leadership, all of the projects just got shoved into the Spring semester. What does this mean? Well, I think this semester will be a true test of my worth.

I remember going through the selection process last year and as exhausting as it was from the candidate side, I can only imagine how difficult it will be to be on the other end. The volume of candidate's resumes to review, reference calls to make, and telephone interviews to conduct are all staggering to me. I can only hope that my RAs are must more self-sufficient this semester. I think, correction: hope I have taught them well, but you never really know until you let them try and do everything themselves. To say the least, it should be interesting.

This anticipated marathon of stress brings me to my next topic: professional friendships. It was recently brought to my attention that I am in a "clique" and therefore put out an air of exclusivity in terms of my collegues. While we all know that Res. Life is must more relationship-focused than other functional areas, it really made me start thinking about what, if any, obligation live-in staff members have to be "friends" with their co-workers. Obviously, there are going to be people that you connect with more than others, but does this mean that you must always make a conscious effort to reach out to others who aren't in your self-selected group of friends who are also your collegues?

I'm really struggling with this idea. There is a part of me that says my friends are my personal life and therefore I have no obligation to do any of this reaching out nonsense. If I don't particularly like someone and don't click with them on a personal level, I don't think I should force a relationship. On the other hand, is this hypocritical for me to say given what I try to teach my students and staff members about making sure those in their community are not marginalized? Also, it is silly for me to think that my personal friendships will not bleed over into my professional interactions. Obviously, if you know a collegue on a personal level, it makes it easier to ask them for favors, ask them to join you with projects or presentations, or just call to vent about job-realted issues. Is this appropriate or does this put other professional realtionships into jeopardy when the same personal connection has not been made? The cynic in me just wants to tell people "I don't have to be friends with you. I just have to work with you," but is this statement even possible for those of us with live-in jobs? We all visit the same eateries (on campus), go to the same events (on-campus of course), and share the same professional experiences (within our halls).

What do you think?

In Medias Res #17-When you hear the gun start running

2008-01-10T07:37:00.001-08:00

No dear reader, my office has not descended into an Old West style shoot out. Rather I am preparing for the oncoming marathon that is Spring semester. Is there anyone in Student Affairs who disagrees with this maxim: “Spring is hell”? I always manage to forget this in the fall. Largely because the fall is its own kind of busy: new student orientation, convocation (at some schools), Parent’s Weekend, fall break, Thanksgiving, Club Fair and on and on. Admittedly the Fall is busy. Fall goes in fits and starts. A flurry of activity occurs, and then things calm down for a while as our students get themselves sorted academically and socially. My office isn't quiet, but there are certainly times when it is not bustling. Spring is a sustained marathon of events. Students seem to be more or less comfortable on the whole and suddenly there are four times as many programs in a given week as the fall (and things were not shabby in the fall). Students put on festivals, symposiums, and theme months. It is almost enough to simply sit back and watch in awe. Unfortunately sitting back in awe is not what I am paid for.

Case in point (here’s some math for the quantitative among you):

Fall semester programs my students had planned BEFORE the start of the semester: 0
Fall semester programs my students completed: 11
# of meetings my students had planned BEFORE the start of Fall semester: 1
# of meetings my students held during Fall semester: 36
# of new peer educators trained during Fall semester: 0

Spring semester programs my students have planned BEFORE the start of the semester: 5
Spring semester programs my students traditionally hold: 27 (and counting)
# of meetings my students have planned before the start of the semester: 3
# of new peer educators to be trained in January: 22

Let’s hope that their planning is not exponential. My calendar is already a mess. I’ve cancelled plans to attend one conference in February because there was no way I could swing it (and maintain a modicum of sanity). Despite the oncoming deluge I am definitely looking forward to the spring. The programming is much bigger, and I can only imagine the impact some of my students’ creativity will have on the campus. I feel more confident in my job, and my ability to execute. More importantly I’m finally starting to get the hang of the advisor role. I’ve done it before, but I don’t think I’ve ever done it well. Towards the second half of the fall I felt myself developing a clearer philosophy on advising, and putting those principles to good use.

Most exciting, especially for those long term blog readers: I think I might get to run a candidate search! That’s right, In Medias Res may soon be on the other side of the table at ACPA.

Res. Life and the City #11- It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2007-12-23T19:48:00.000-08:00

“As we speed along this endless road to the destination called who we hope to be, I can't help but whine, 'Are we there yet?'” ~Carrie Bradshaw

Well, it truly is the most wonderful time of the year. While I am speaking partly about the actual holiday season, and specifically Christmas which is my favorite holiday of the year, I am also talking about the most wonderful time of the year for Res. life folks: CLOSING TIME!

Last week I officially closed my own building for the first time. Sure, as an RA and a grad, I had my own responsibilities and played a role in the larger picture, but I was never the one in charge, giving directions, and making sure everything was secure for the break. Needless to say, I was a little nervous. However, my new institution does things very differently from my last institution and it was not really a big deal to close a building. My other co-workers who are new this year kept calling each other and saying "I think I'm missing something. What are you doing for your building?" Even though I had the overwhelming sense that I was missing something, everything turned out well and my first Winter closing was under my belt.

As a few of the stragglers left the building, laundry in tow, they asked me "So, what are you going to do without any students here?" The first response that came to my mind was "Dance naked through the halls with a bottle of liquor and a lit candle," but I felt like that may give the wrong impression, so I told them that I would finally get a chance to get things done that I haven't been able to get to when students are around. They shook their head with a knowing look in their eye and they scooted out of the building with visions of new cell phones and GPS' in their heads. In reality, the following week was a little bit of a joke. The majority of the time was spent prank calling my co-workers, loading pictures onto Facebook, packing, and enjoying more end-of-the-year parties than necessary. All in all, it was a fantastic last week and a nice way to ease into the holiday break.

I was lucky enough to start the break with a much-needed visit with my best friends from grad school. They somehow all ended up in working in the same city so I flew into their new hometown and spent 2 1/2 days hanging out, seeing their new schools, and experiencing life in their new worlds. It was not only nice to see the things that I've been hearing about for the past six months, but it was totally amazing to just be with my friends and not rush around and make plans and worry about how much time we have left. We simply ate and laughed and it was basically all kinds of wonderful. After a few days of this, my parents picked me up and drove me back to my old life which is where you find me now.

I am watching TV, basking in the glow of our family Christmas tree which is decorated with ornaments chronicling major events in my life since birth, and silently thanking my parents for finally breaking down and getting the Internet. As the holiday rapidly approaches, I am bracing myself for the questions I am bound to receive from my family and friends of the family about my new life, job, and city. It is more than worlds apart from where I sit now, so I am trying to come up with a good response to "So what is it like?" or "So how do you like it?"

Is there ever a really good answer to that question? I never know how to start. It's like the opening interview question which is undoubtedly "So tell us about yourself..." Do you start with a joke or a quip, or do you start out seriously and give it to them straight? Also, how exactly do you describe a new city, friends, job, hobbies, weather, students, dreams, and aspirations? I've started this already with my parents and brother and they have both seemed disappointed when I feebly attempted to describe what it's like to be me.

On the same front, I'm worried that people are going to eventually say "Well what are you going to do after this?" I'm worried because I feel like I have (metaphorically) arrived. Starting a career in student affairs has what I've been working towards (sometimes unconsciously) for the majority of my life. I have a feeling that "Oh, just advancing in my functional area" isn't going to be flashy and exciting enough to impress my judgemental great-aunt Jan and her kids who can do no wrong. However, in the past few months I've realized that I'm no longer working towards a goal, but rather working within this goal to become a better version of myself. I highly doubt that my 88-year-old Grandpa will know or even care about what I'm saying. I have a feeling that the conversation will immediately divert to gas prices, but I guess that's the nature of the holiday season.

In Medias Res #16- Ho, Ho, Oh Hell No, or 'Almost climbing the walls'

2007-12-20T14:25:00.000-08:00

It is holiday season in ‘In Medias Res’ land (as I’m sure it is in your land, since the two frequently overlap). Although our students started leaving last Wednesday it isn’t as if I have had a lack of things to do around here. In fact, these last two weeks have been crazy busy. I’ve had a hand full of student crises come through my office, as well as my semester reports and a grant application to push through (as such this is more of an update than a proper post).
Last weekend we had some snow, and although the weather wasn’t particularly bad for whatever reason all the streets around me were iced over. This, of course, made driving on them especially difficult. So with the exception of a few on foot trips to the market and the dry cleaners I was a bit of a homebody. I cooked. I cleaned. I did spectacular amounts of laundry. (I also watched Dreamgirls on HBO. Decent movie).
In Medias Res will be home for the next week so posting will be spotty at best. I’ll have plenty of access to the internet, I just honestly cannot be bothered with you while I’m on vacation. I love you dear reader. I’m just not in love with you.
On that note, I’m going to cut this one short. Life is interesting, but nothing that you really need to concern yourself with. Back in a few, kids. Keep the home fires burning.

In Medias Res #15- My condo is my baby

2007-12-13T14:25:00.000-08:00

I need to move. Not right away, but between the commute and some impending construction delays I really would prefer to be closer to work. As much as I like my neighborhood I find myself spending more time away from home, and driving around to get to all my favorite places is getting old. I want to reduce my carbon footprint, dear readers. I want to be the kind of person a Nobel laureate like Al Gore could love.
Now, I won’t be moving for a good six months. That said, I want to get a sense of what’s out there, where I would live, and what I can get for my money. To that end, I stopped in a real estate office this weekend in one of the neighborhoods I have my eye on. As I was talking to the realtor he was explaining the benefits of home ownership. Dear reader, In Medias Res is not a sucker. I know any real estate agent is going to try and talk you into buying a house. That’s their job. I try and talk young people into spending thousands of dollars to sit in a classroom for four years on a regular basis. That’s my racket.
But it did make me think about why I wasn’t even considering buying. I’m still young, and although that’s a factor its not really a compelling one. If I’m making money, and I can save money, should I not be investing what little I can? That would presumably be the primary advantage of investing at a young age: a small amount of money can go further. Student affairs, of course, is a pretty fluid profession. Lots of people move around from school to school, but people tend to stay at my institution for quite a few years. Realistically, barring any major change of circumstance, I imagine I would stay here until I decide to go back for my Phd (which would put me at 3-5 years).
Here’s the advantages as I see them:
I’m building equity.
I have the autonomy and freedom to do what I want with my space.
Some of the houses I’m looking at (and yes in this depressed market I can
probably afford a house) have 2 or 3 bedrooms, and a friend has already
expressed interest in renting an inexpensive bedroom.
Gives me a sense of stability.
It would (most likely) eat into more of my income than rent.
Here are some of the disadvantages:
I’m responsible every time something breaks.
It makes it harder to leave. I’ve basically put down roots.
I might lose money on the house if I have to sell quickly (or the market changes).
I’m not throwing money away on rent.
Honestly, it bugs the crap out of me that my rent money just disappears into the ether. I also hate having a landlord. This may just be my experience, but in general I’ve never been happy with any landlord I’ve had. They’re not responsive. They don’t particularly care about me, more about the condition of the apartment. Everything is a struggle.
I know buying a place wouldn’t be problem free. Houses require upkeep, maintenance, and furniture (the last of which I own very little of). That said, they would be problems I can immediately address since they will be problems I have literal ownership over.
Now, a million things could change between now and the end of the school year. But isn’t that a neat holiday wish? In Medias Res: Homeowner, Blogger, Handsome Sumbitch.

Res. Life and the City #10- Fabulousness

2007-12-10T14:48:00.000-08:00

Believe me, your fabulousness would translate. ~Samantha Jones

So last week I sat down with my supervisor to have a little chat about my performance so far this semester. I wasn't expecting too many surprises, since my supervisor has been great about giving me continual feedback throughout the past few months. She told me that I was still impressing people and doing a great job and how happy she was that I was succeeding. However, she then said something that I've been thinking about ever since.

She told me that while she knows how well I am doing, she's not sure if anyone else on campus or in the department is aware of (in her words) my "fabulousness." First, dear reader, please don't view this as a chance for me to brag about my meager accomplishments this semester. Second, I was a little dumbfounded by what to say to this admission by my supervisor. Did this mean that my accomplishments weren't worthy of mention to "higher-ups" or does it mean that I'm just not accomplishing things that higher-ups would ever notice in the first place?

I asked my supervisor to expand on this thought and God bless her, she was great. She told me that she had had lunch with the Associate VP of Student Life and was talking about the people that she supervised and when she mentioned my name, the AVP said that he really didn't see me all that much (which is not good because we work out of the same physical office) and that he didn't know much about me (which is even worse because we have a lot of common interests and even graduated from the same University). When I interviewed here, all of the mid-level managers told me that their main job was to find opportunities for me to grow as a professional and also to brag about me to people who could find opportunities for me in the future. My supervisor reiterated her main goal in her job was to promote her supervisees to others in the department and at the University, so she said she did this during the conversation.

While it's great to know that my supervisor has my back, she brought up a great point. She said that it is very easy for new professionals to get tunnel-vision when it comes to the politics of student affairs. She said that she knows I am doing amazing things in my building and with my students and staff members, but she also said that she sometimes worried that I am so focused about being proficient at my job, that I'm not looking for opportunities to further my network of colleagues. She continued to say that since I am doing my job well, my goal for the next semester should be to start branching out into the University community and start letting people know about the things that I'm doing and that I'm interested in pursuing.

Although I am all for networking, I've decided that I have a big problem with self-promotion. There is nothing less comfortable to me than telling people about what things I've been doing. Maybe it's the good Midwestern girl in me that makes me think that I am being boastful or prideful, but it just doesn't sit right with me. I suppose I've been laboring under the assumption that if I do my job and do it well, people will naturally notice these things. I have soon discovered through my conversation with my supervisor and also as I've been reading the book Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make that Sabotage Their Career maybe women are less prone self-promote and let people know about their fabulousness.

The feminist in me is screaming out that it isn't fair and that women shouldn't have to adapt to men's way of maneuvering in the world of work, but the pragmatist in me is saying that I should just bite the bullet and model my behavior after the men in my department. While I feel blessed to be in a profession that is overwhelming female-oriented, the people in positions of power above mid-level managers are still for the most part male. This means that while my methods of self-promotion (or lack thereof) will theoretically only get me to a certain level and I will inevitably hit the glass ceiling. Although I know that it's good that I'm thinking about this stuff during the first few months of my professional career, it is a little disheartening to think about the strategy and basically game I'll have to play to advance in my career. So what do you think dear reader? Should I shout about my fabulousness from the rooftops or continue to do my job and do it well without the seemingly political self-promotion?

In Medias Res #14: It seems easier to handle if you say 180 days

2007-12-06T08:10:00.000-08:00

What sort of person blogs about their job and expects people to actually read?A narcissist most likely. Certainly someone who is self involved enough to think that their musings merit not just an audience, but also consideration. Consideration, dear reader! Which is precisely what I got last week from my supervisors.
For a moment I was concerned that possibly my supervisor was reading this blog because things were almost too perfect. It was as if they had printed out last week’s entry, and gone through it point by point. It made me glad for a moment that I had not concluded my writing with the graphic fantasy scene I had written featuring Jason Bateman and the male cast of Gossip Girl. Then I reminded myself that I’ve put up a sufficiently excellent smoke screen, and that no one could track down In Medias Res so easily. I am much like a master criminal, dear readers, in that you aren’t even completely sure I stole something from you. But I did, dear reader. I stole your hearts.
Anyways, back to consideration. So last week I vented about the lack of feedback I’ve been getting in terms of actual quality of my performance. This week, perhaps because the end of the semester approaches-perhaps because quite a few of my programs have come to fruition-perhaps because my supervisors have been sensing my need for approval- I got quite a bit of recognition. Most of this was in the form of forwarded emails from other individuals on campus letting my supervisors know how much they enjoyed some of our programming. In addition we all met face to face earlier this week, and during that meeting I was basically told that my performance is up to par. There are definitely things I can work on (mostly stuff I was expecting), but it was good to hear that I’m not completely off the rails.
Afterwards I found it much easier to focus on my work and my productivity increased exponentially. This was fortuitous as I’ve been meeting with student leaders all week to review the semester. Now I love my students, but I am sure as hell looking forward to winter break. Granted, I’m not going to be on break. We get a couple of days off for the holidays, but nothing like the month our students get. Instead, I’m looking forward to having the time to catch up on things. Winter break cannot come soon enough!
As I obsess over calendar days, I’ve been noticing that I have in fact just had my six month anniversary in this position. Six months, dear reader! That’s longer than some marriages. This pales in comparison, of course, when one considers that you and I dear reader have been together for almost a year.

In Medias Res #13-Always want to be the Greatest

2007-11-29T13:24:00.000-08:00

Oh dear reader. After Monday’s manic post, you most likely are expecting something more calm and reserved, yes? That seems to be my mode, at least having spent a while today reading my own archives (huzzah narcissism). I write something wild and frustrated, and then I return to a simpler more quotidian entry. I’m sure if I had more time and energy I could trace most of the posts to emotional highs and lows. I was certainly reenergized after my time home for the holiday. I don’t have the inclination, though. So you’ll just have to trust my hypothesis.
That said, I do hope you’ll forgive me if I get a little bit energized again. Maybe I haven’t burnt up all of that leftover turkey. Cause something’s bothering me this week, dear reader, and for once it’s not you and our love hate paso-doble. For once, it really is me and not you. (Don’t worry we’re not breaking up. Yet.)
See there’s a weekly meeting that I am expected to be at, and I make it there five minutes early every week. I come prepared, and I share my thoughts and opinions. Here’s the problem though: when I get in that meeting I become so eager to please. I want to impress and amuse people. I’m like a needy puppy. Of course, as is always the way with these things I end up saying stupid things in my effort to sound smart, and I must appear annoying in my efforts to seem charming.
Now, I am well aware that I do this. For some reason, though, I can’t stop myself. Where is that naked desire for approval and recognition coming from? (Oh, I hear you scoffing dear reader, as you remember last week’s bitter pleas for validation, but always remember, my love, that my remonstrations to you are in jest). Last week, during our one on one, after I did my updates my supervisor moved on to their ‘suggestions’. This is always the part of our time that makes me nervous. If there’s going to be criticism or negativity it will be in this portion of the meeting. Generally we talk about some minor nuisance. Very rarely does he have bad things to say. But I spend my morning before the meeting a nervous wreck.
Honestly, what’s going on here? Almost all of the feedback I’ve gotten thus far has been positive, and even when I am annoying or cloying in one of these meetings people generally seem to brush it off. I end up spending too much of the day fretting over bad performance in a meeting, or focusing on a bit of irritating (albeit true) feedback.
I expect and hope that as I become more confident in my position and skills that this neediness will subside. I think also, the next time I sit down with my supervisor I will just ask how they feel about my performance. My end of the semester performance review is coming up anyway, but I figure getting feedback a little bit sooner might allay some of this anxiety (anxiety issues? Oh f*&k I’ve become my father).

In Medias Res #12- We're Co-writing the book of love, and you dear reader are a shitty ghost writer

2007-11-27T11:21:00.000-08:00

Oh dear reader,
I didn’t mean to leave you hanging last week. But let’s be honest this is a cold and heartless relationship we are in. I give and give, and you never reciprocate. Not a single comment since we’ve started In Medias Res 2: Attack of the Employed Student Affairs Professional. I didn’t mean to jilt you, but perhaps on some subconscious level I did? You are by far the most dysfunctional relationship in my life, and as such I passionately love/hate you.
That’s not really what this post is about though, dear reader. Sure I needed a week off from your passive aggressive style of cyber love making. In reality, though, I was home for the holiday and I was too busy and wrapped up in the minutiae of being with my family to want to blog. Had I been back at work? I most certainly would have been nursing at the teat of your quiet unknowable approval.
So what did I do with myself over break, you might be wondering? (Are you? Are you truly, dear reader?) Surprisingly not the stuff I used to do on vacation. When I would come home from grad school all I wanted to do was relax. I parked myself next to a pool and read my way through whatever I could get my hands on at the library. There were breaks, of course, for meals and movies, but generally when I headed to my parent’s house for any length of time it was to crash.
I attribute this largely to the stress of graduate school. This time, while home, I did much of the same. I read a lot (in particular Daniel Mendelsohn’s excellent memoir The Lost, the new collection of Best American Non-Required Reading, and Nancy Horan’s Loving Frank which I found sort of disappointing). I saw some movies (in particular No Country for Old Men and Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead, both were exceptional). This time around though, I just had more energy. Obviously I’m less stressed, and so I find myself less in need of an emotional cleansing. Also the warm weather and sunshine energized me in a way it hadn’t before-maybe I’ve been living in the North for too long.
Whatever the case I got more done this time around. What it was I actually ‘got done’ I could not tell you, but I at least felt more productive. I went places. I saw people. I did stuff. I ran into a number of people from high school who had returned home after a couple of years away. Quite a few of the people that I work with now took jobs at our institution because they were from the area. One of my colleagues moved back here after ten years away. I thought a lot about what it would be like to move back. There are some things I miss about home; foremost among them being how rarely I get to see my family. The weather is pretty much unbeatable, as well, although in reality the place I grew up no longer exists. My hometown was smallish, with lots of farms. As I grew these farms gave way to housing developments, and by the time I was in high school the population had boomed. What was a tiny suburb has become a small city, and so were I even to move back I wouldn’t be moving to the same place. Case in point: I used to ride my bike past the same cow pasture every day for years on my way to elementary school. Now the cows are replaced by a Target. Admittedly? The Target smells better.
When I was job searching I didn’t look seriously at most of the institutions in the area because the institutions didn’t really match my needs. There are two small public universities, both of which are largely commuter schools (which makes the potential for a Residence Life position pretty much nil). Further south is a prestigious private institution, but the only positions open on their HR site were in admissions, and that’s quite honestly an area I am in no way suited for. Further north is a pretty awesome honors college that is part of the state university system, but it is by far the most isolated institution in the state and one of my goals was to get out of a college town.
By the end of the week I was more than ready to get back to my big city life and my big city job (as a friend half jokingly referred to it). I do miss things about being home, but most of the things that I really miss aren’t even at home anyways. I miss the freedom from responsibility that being home engenders. I miss the ability to drop off the grid and be taken care of. I imagine even if I had taken that admissions job I would still miss those things. I would though be a hell of a lot fatter as a byproduct of Sunday dinners with my grandmother. So solely for the sake of my health, I’m probably best off where I am.
Next week, dear reader? You will have your damn post on time. I would never cross you twice. I love/hate you too much.

Res. Life and the City #9- Giving Thanks

2007-11-26T13:27:00.000-08:00

Samantha: These fast food apple pies are surprisingly delicious!

Carrie: I know! Why would anybody go to the trouble of making one when you can buy one that is so perfect and individually sized?

So I spent my very first major holiday away from home (I'm not counting the 4th of July, Roald Dahl's birthday, or National Talk Like a Pirate Day) and survived quite nicely. Thanksgiving has never been a big holiday with my family since both my mom and dad come from fairly small families. There just isn't a ton of hype when the holiday boils down to a moderately larger meal than what you are used to. Therefore, with flight prices skyrocketing and only having a four-day weekend, I decided to stay in my new city and see what Thanksgiving would look like for a young, single, professional.

I was planning on doing something super sexy and fabulous like getting all dolled up and going out on the town, but tradition stopped me in my tracks. I was one of a few staff members who stayed on campus due to the aforementioned reasons. We begrudgingly decided that we should properly celebrate this holiday which is based solely around oppression of other's cultures by stuffing our face with starchy goodness. One of the other HD's decided that he would be in charge of the meal and we would have it picnic style at one of the major attractions of my new city. However, he is a major MBTI "P" and as I've stated before in multiple posts, I am the epitome of a "J." Therefore, when last Wednesday came around and I still didn't have any concrete plans, I jumped into action.

I started a group e-mail that went to everyone who would be joining us and tried to coordinate who would be bringing what and when we would meet and who would drive and all of the other details that are involved when you try to plan an event for people who are used to planning their own events as a profession. Eventually, the original planner of the event got a little testy and said that I was "hijacking his holiday" which I'm sure was said with equal parts of humor and truth. I wanted to see what his idea of a Thanksgiving meal would be for young, fabulous, and metropolitan people and he said "Turkey sandwiches and those apple pies from McDonald's." I simply could not take this. I told him that if we were going to have Thanksgiving, then we needed to give the holiday a little respect. I told him that I would take care of the food and he could just show up and look pretty.

So Thursday came and I was all set with the food. We carpooled to the local attraction, set out our blanket, and had ourselves a good old-fashioned feast. We were enjoying each other's company and the scenery and the great food and the my co-worker brought up how I had hijacked the holiday, but this time it was all in good fun. We then went into a 15-minute discussion where I asserted that turkey sandwiches and processed apple pies did not constitute a Thanksgiving meal while he contended that it was an "avant-garde" approach to the meal. I told him that he was watching too much Project Runway and that if I wanted to have a meaningless fight about food that had the potential for emotional scars, I would have just gone home and spent the holiday with my family!

With a laugh and a hug, we decided to never fight again. It seems as though no matter how far I am away from my family and the craziness that seems to rear it's head during the holiday, the ridiculousness follows to my new family. My new family is from every part of the nation and continent and I absolutely love working with each and every one of them. So to keep with my family's tradition of going around the table and saying what we are thankful for, I am thankful for my co-workers at my new school. They are my friends, colleagues, confidants, and most importantly, my new family, ridiculous fights and all.

What are you thankful for?

Res. Life and the City #8- Growing Up

2007-11-17T15:11:00.002-08:00

"When you're a teenager, all you want to do is buy beer. But once you hit 30 all you want to do is to get carded." ~Carrie Bradshaw

The last few months in my new exsistence, I've started to realize something. I'm not getting mistaken for a student anymore. Yes, I realize that this doesn't mean that the world is coming to an end and that I should be aging gracefully, but damn if I want to get older! I don't know if it has something to do with what a typical student looks like at my new school (i.e. they just stepped out of a magazine) and what typical students looked like at my old school (i.e. they just stepped out of a corn field), but I am treated much more as a professional and I think I am seen as such on campus, which was not the case when I was in grad school.

Maybe it has to do with the fact that we aren't allowed to wear flip-flops at my new school. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I was often seen with a backpack and iPod earbuds while walking to and from class, study sessions, or paper-writing in the library last year. No matter the reason, I can't tell you the last time I was treated like a student, asked to see my ID, or not given the respect I deserve as a professional from the start of a conversation. While it makes me happy that I am seen and treated as a professional, there's a small piece of me that holds onto the hope that someone will ask me what year I am or what my major is at the start of a conversation.

This lack of mistaken identity led to an interesting conversation with one of my colleagues last night. We were making a joke about "RD's Gone Crazy" type of behavior and he said "Well, we aren't in college anymore" and I countered with "But we ARE in college! We're in a college setting right now!" The dichotomy of being surrounded by people who are overwhelmingly younger than you while not succumbing to behavior made me think about how student affairs professionals are constantly surrounded by immaturity and always expected to rise above it. When I think about my college education, the stress was always put on the "world after college," but what happens when your own personal "world after college" is actually a world within a new and different, but somehow hauntingly familiar setting?

I think student affairs professionals can often find themselves in a Catch-22. To be honest, we don't know what it's like to be "in the real world." While I can't speak for other functional areas, I think this is especially true for people who pursue Residence Life careers. We have no concept of rent, or utility payments, and often don't have to pay for meals or groceries. We don't have to face a daily commute or road rage. Additionally, what real-world community do you know of that brings in poets, artists, politicians, activists, dignitaries, sporting events, social justice events, musical performances, or theatrical opportunities for minimal to no cost and is located within a 5 minute walk of your house?

While we seem to have the best of both worlds, I have found myself dealing with my very "real-life" issues within this collegiate bubble. I have seen too many students dealing with real-world pain and issues the past few months to think that we are living in a drama-free zone. The last time I was on duty, I assisted with a student who intentionally overdosed on prescription pills and there was a major car accident on campus last night that one of my collegues had to respond to as the main Housing official on duty. Although I like to think of myself as still being college-aged from time to time, the moments of sobering reality when helping and assisting students through difficult times always make me come back to Earth. I've decided that the ultimate goal for me this year is to balance the crazy college girl that's deep within me that just wants to have fun and the beginning professional who has to deal with crazy college girls within her own community.

"In the end I decided I was definitely 34 going on 35, but in a city like New York, with its pace and its pressures, sometimes it's important to have a 13-year-old moment. To remember a simpler time when the best thing in life was just hanging out, listening to records and having fun with your friends. In your very own apartment." ~Carrie Bradshaw

In Medias Res #11-Moving on Up

2007-11-15T10:45:00.000-08:00

As I type this entry I am still wearing the safety goggles I was given on the construction site this morning. We went on a tour of our new campus union, which G-d and weather willing, will be opening this summer. The frame of the building is up and the spaces for our offices are blocked off, although who will actually be in which office has yet to be decided. During my first week of orientation here there was quite a bit of fuss made over how we don’t have hierarchies. That notion gets dispelled really quickly, though, when people are vying for office space.
Now, I’m realistic and I’m also not particularly greedy. I am the last hired (although by this summer that may not be true anymore) and I have the least experience. More importantly I like having a smaller space. It forces me to get out of my office and move around campus. I meet students over in the residence halls or at one of the cafes on campus, and it allows our conversations to be a great deal more casual. Even if I had a bigger office with a conference table I don’t know how much it would get used. Or, if it were getting used how much that level of formality would change my relationship with my students.
I am looking forward to getting into the new space, whichever office I do end up with. First of all, the building is amazing. It is brand new, with awesome amenities and yet it is very focused on creating spaces for students to get involved and engaged. It is far from those monstrosities you read about in The Chronicle where 90% of the square footage has been dedicated to retail spaces. There is no Mystic Tan on the premises. There is, however, going to be a great resource room for student organizations, and a really neat room designed by a committee of students for holding retreats and workshops.
Equally exciting, though, is the foot traffic. This building is going to be high density and high use! It is situated smack dab in the middle of the campus, and will effectively serve as the transitional building between the residential campus and the academic campus. This means that lots of students will be passing through it on their way to class. Hopefully students will also be hanging out there between classes. My potential office looks out onto the primary courtyard which means students can see if I’m available and come by and say hello.
Right now, although I’m in the student activities suite (and I should note I don’t work for student activities so they’ve been very nice to house me) I’m tucked away in the back. Students have to make an effort to seek me out, and generally the students I see on a regular basis are my student leaders who come by for signatures or students who find themselves in serious trouble. This new geography will hopefully encourage more casual visitors and allow me to develop new relationships with a greater spectrum of students.
At the same time, my students are currently redecorating their lounge (yes some of the larger student organizations on our campus have their own lounges as much as an administrative nightmare that presents). This is an amazing resource that they seriously underutilize. When I first got here it was effectively being treated like a storage room. I put an end to that quickly, but last week a huge chunk of plaster fell off a wall and almost hit a student. To their credit they used to the incident to convince facilities that it was time to redecorate. So everyone has new furniture fever. On Monday I met with them and the University Interior Decorator (seriously! We have a university interior decorator?) and they picked out lots of cool stuff. Now if only I could get that old lock that refuses to open for me fixed, we’d be set!
I’ve promised them starting in the spring once the new furniture is here and the space is cleaned I will do office hours in the lounge. I don’t know if this will continue next year when I am in my Snazzy New Office™. The idea is to get students comfortable and used to the Lounge as an opne alternative space on campus. I'm all for that, but what I'm hoping for out of the Faustian bargain is more student foot traffic. In theory that shouldn't be a problem next year. For me anyways. Oh well! T-minus 8 and a half months!

Res. Life and the City #7- Support

2007-11-11T19:11:00.001-08:00

There's the kind of support that you ask for and the kind of support you don't ask for. And then there's the kind that just shows up. ~Carrie Bradshaw

So I'm still in somewhat of a Debbie Downer mood. I know I was in a funk when I wrote my last entry and to be honest, I was waiting to be a better mood to write another post. However, seeing as that isn't happening, I guess I'll just write about what's been going on with me anyway. I have to remember to not guilt-trip myself about not having a happy and cheery blog since this is all about my first year as a professional, for better or for worse, right?

I've been having a really rough couple of weeks for a few reasons. The first is the whole spirituality thing that I wrote about last time. I feel a little better because I'm reading more, researching more, and having conversations with people who know what they are talking about so at least I'm not being stagnant. The other reason I've been having a rough go at it is because of some events that have taken place while I've been on duty. Our department does duty a week at a time so we are only on for two weeks the whole semester instead of random days and weekends throughout the entire year. I didn't know if I was going to like the structure, but I have been pleasantly surprised. When you aren't on duty, you really don't have to make crisis management a piece of your everyday life. I went three whole months with never holding the phone, so it was working out great for me!

However, this all changed a few weeks ago when I held the phone for the first time. I was surprised to be just as, if not more nervous the first night I was on duty when I was a grad. However, I kept telling myself that my duty experience at my current institution couldn't be as bad as the first time I was on duty since the first incident I dealt with ended with a student being LifeFlight-ed, another student being arrested, and the whole incident making international headlines, including CNN. (That's a story for another time).

Although there were some major incidences over the weekend, and one set a truly annoying roommates, I thought I was handling everything quite well. Then Tuesday morning happened. Around 10am I got a call from our Director (which was very atypical) who told me that an on-campus student had been killed in a car accident. What made the situation even more difficult was that the car was been driven by another on-campus student. My one and only fear working in Residence Life has been a student death. I feel like I can handle pretty much anything, but I was not prepared to handle this. My Director asked me to walk over to the student's room to see if the student's roommate was there and if the roommate was there, I was charged with telling him that his roommate and best friend had passed away.

As I began my walk over, I kept thinking to myself "How do I tell someone that their best friend is dead?" How do I do this? I've never been someone who can keep their emotions to themselves either, so I wasn't even sure I would be able to keep it together long enough to eek out the words without dissolving into a puddle of tears and mumbles. I finally arrived at the door, took a deep breath, and knocked. The door was opened by a red-faced student who invited me in and I soon realized that the news had already reached the majority of people in the student's community.

The six or so students invited me to sit down and I had the privilege to be with them while they processed the death of their best friend. I tried not to say too much, but just let the students go through the process of letting the situation sink it. They were all dealing with it in very different ways. A few women were bawling their eyes out, one guy was playing video games and wouldn't say a word, the girlfriend of the student who died was running the show and calling everyone they have ever known, while another student suggested that we watch "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" because it was the deceased student's favorite movie.

I will be forever grateful for another student who took it upon himself to lighten the mood whenever possible. When all of us got very quiet and weren't talking, he went to his room, grabbed CatchPhrase and made all of us play for over an hour. When he realized that all of the women were crying and none of the men were, he commented with the thought "Damn societal expectations of masculinity that forces us to be tough and not show emotion." This of course, broke some major tension and also let the three men in the room release some tears in the process.

After a few hours of just being together, the students decided that they were going to get some lunch and then go to the chapel together. I gave them all my contact information and asked them to call me if they had any updates on the other students in the car who were injured, or if they just needed to talk to someone outside of their immediate world. I went back to work, processed the incident with my supervisor, and tried to get back to a productive frame of mind. Just as I was getting back to work, the duty phone rang and it was the roommate of the student who passed away. I asked if he was okay or if anything had changed. He said that everything was fine, but that he wanted to thank me. I, of course, was stunned so I asked why on Earth I needed to be thanked. He said "I just wanted to thank you for showing up. You didn't need to stay and you didn't need to allow us to be with each other without butting in, but you did and that's what we needed from the University, so thank you." It was at that moment, that I realized I really was in the right profession and what I was doing or saying, or even not saying, made a difference to these students in this difficult time in their collegiate careers.

Res. Life and the City #7- Support

2007-11-11T19:11:00.000-08:00

There's the kind of support that you ask for and the kind of support you don't ask for. And then there's the kind that just shows up. ~Carrie Bradshaw

So I'm still in somewhat of a Debbie Downer mood. I know I was in a funk when I wrote my last entry and to be honest, I was waiting to be a better mood to write another post. However, seeing as that isn't happening, I guess I'll just write about what's been going on with me anyway. I have to remember to not guilt-trip myself about not having a happy and cheery blog since this is all about my first year as a professional, for better or for worse, right?

I've been having a really rough couple of weeks for a few reasons. The first is the whole spirituality thing that I wrote about last time. I feel a little better because I'm reading more, researching more, and having conversations with people who know what they are talking about so at least I'm not being stagnant. The other reason I've been having a rough go at it is because of some events that have taken place while I've been on duty. Our department does duty a week at a time so we are only on for two weeks the whole semester instead of random days and weekends throughout the entire year. I didn't know if I was going to like the structure, but I have been pleasantly surprised. When you aren't on duty, you really don't have to make crisis management a piece of your everyday life. I went three whole months with never holding the phone, so it was working out great for me!

However, this all changed a few weeks ago when I held the phone for the first time. I was surprised to be just as, if not more nervous the first night I was on duty than when I was on duty the first time when I was a grad. However, I kept telling myself that my duty experience at my current institution couldn't be as bad as the first time I was on duty when I was a grad since the first incident I dealt with ended with a student being LifeFlight-ed, another student being arrested, and the whole incident making international headlines, including CNN. (That's a story for another time).

Although there were some major incidences over the weekend, and one set a truly annoying roommates, I thought I was handling everything quite well. Then Tuesday morning happened. Around 10am I got a call from our Director (which was very atypical) who told me that an on-campus student had been killed in a car accident. What made the situation even more difficult was that the car was been driven by another on-campus student. My one and only fear working in Residence Life has been a student death. I feel like I can handle pretty much anything, but I was not prepared to handle this. My Director asked me to walk over to the student's room to see if the student's roommate was there and if the roommate was there, I was charged with telling him that his roommate and best friend had passed away.

As I began my walk over, I kept thinking to myself "How do I tell someone that their best friend is dead?" How do I do this? I've never been someone who can keep their emotions to themselves either, so I wasn't even sure I would be able to keep it together long enough to eek out the words without dissolving into a puddle of tears and mumbles. I finally arrived at the door, took a deep breath, and knocked. The door was opened by a red-faced student who invited me in and I soon realized that the news had already reached the majority of people in the student's community.

The six or so students invited me to sit down and I had the privilege to be with them while they processed the death of their best friend. I tried not to say too much, but just let the students go through the process of letting the situation sink it. They were all dealing with it in very different ways. A few women were balling their eyes out, one guy was playing video games and wouldn't say a word, the girlfriend of the student who died was running the show and calling everyone they have ever known, while another student suggested that we watch "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" because it was the deceased student's favorite movie.

I will be forever grateful for another student who took it upon himself to lighten the mood whenever possible. When all of us got very quiet and weren't talking, he went to his room, grabbed CatchPhrase and made all of us play for over an hour. When he realized that all of the women were crying and none of the men were, he commented with the thought "Damn societal expectations of masculinity that forces us to be tough and not show emotion." This of course, broke some major tension and also let the three men in the room release some tears in the process.

After a few hours of just being together, the students decided that they were going to get some lunch and then go to the chapel together. I gave them all my contact information and asked them to call me if they had any updates on the other students in the car who were injured, or if they just needed to talk to someone outside of their immediate world. I went back to work, processed the incident with my supervisor, and tried to get back to a productive frame of mind. Just as I was getting back to work, the duty phone rang and it was the roommate of the student who passed away. I asked if he was okay or if anything had changed. He said that everything was fine, but that he wanted to thank me. I, of course, was stunned so I asked why on Earth I needed to be thanked. He said "I just wanted to thank you for showing up. You didn't need to stay and you didn't need to allow us to be with each other without butting in, but you did and that's what we needed from the University, so thank you." It was at that moment, that I realized I really was in the right profession and what I was doing or saying, or even not saying, made a difference to these students in this difficult time in their collegiate careers.

In Medias Res #10- You just keep on pushing over the borderline

2007-11-08T13:27:00.000-08:00

I’ve found blogging this year to be much harder than last. When I was writing about the job search process it was easy for two reasons: 1) it gave me a clear simple topic to focus on, 2) I was focusing on the job search all the #*&%ing time. This year has been more challenging in large part because I don’t think about work nearly as much as I thought about getting a job. Now that I have one, and I’m relatively comfortable and happy with it I tend not to think about it so much. Certainly there are days when I’m pissed or frustrated and for most of the ride home I’m cursing people in my head. Generally by the time I’m walking up my stairs, though, I’m reading a bill or perusing the cover of a magazine and work is miles away.
So when I sit down to write these entries on Thursday mornings I’m usually at a loss. I had lunch with a couple of student leaders on Monday as a thank you for a mini-conference they helped me put together. Somehow we got on the topic of my social life, and I started to think about how much I’ve written about that here. Right now, for whatever reason (maybe because I live alone?) I think about that quite a bit more than work. One of the students wants to set me up, the notion of which makes me particularly uncomfortable.
Which brings me to this week’s topic: boundaries.
I know that everyone has to make these decisions on their own. A good friend and someone I generally respect has a really interesting system for determining where his boundaries are. Some students he basically shuts out. There were a group of students who through a combination of hubris and youthful exuberance more or less made his life miserable last year. These students? I don’t think he even acknowledges them in public. However, there are other students- students he’s supervised, students he advises- that he seemingly adopts. They travel with him (and not just on university business). They spend weekends at his apartment. And that works for him. No judgments. (I’m sure no matter how I describe it its going to sound judgmental to people).
I remember early on in grad school our professors asked us to do a crossing the line activity. We stood up along the wall in a classroom and the east was agree, west was disagree. Our professor proposed a version of the following scenario (this is obviously not verbatim): “You are an entry level hall director. Should you be allowed to date an undergraduate student who does not live on campus?” I agreed in large part because I don’t like the idea of my superiors attempting to legislate my behavior. More importantly, I figured if I was dating a student they must be one pretty damn exceptional student. Most of my classmates disagreed. They assumed that it would present a whole myriad of complications. What if one of their friends lives in their building? What if you have to reprimand one of their friends? What if they’re partying in your building!
I brushed off most of these examples. So what if their friends live in my building? I’m not going to show preferential treatment. Hopefully anyone I’m dating would have enough respect for me not to do something as stupid as party in my building. If they are? Well that relationship won’t last very long.
That said I tend to draw my boundaries pretty clearly with students. I like spending time with my students. They are funny, bright, and creative. But they are generally 19 and 20, and I can think of very few cases where I want to spend inordinate amounts of time with a teenager. At the end of the day all of that developmental stuff we’re trying to help them through? Well ‘that stuff’ is what I look for in friends.
I know my students would prefer if I was a little bit looser with the boundaries. They share inordinate amounts of gossip with me in the hopes I will reciprocate. They tell me about their love lives and their drama. Helping them through this stuff is part of my job. Using experiences from my life to illustrate a point, I think, are completely with the bounds of propriety. Still, I’m not updating my Facebook relationship status.
More than anything this is probably the aspect of my job I struggle with the most. Probably because of all the ambiguity involved, right Baxter Magolda? Grad school prepared me to manage a budget, run programs, evaluate and assess my work and the work of others. I have a good grasp of student development theory, and I'm surprised how much of this stuff is just sitting in my brain when I go in for a stragetic planning meeting or a brainstorming session.
Its the messy human relationships that I was completley unprepared for. I think in someways my assistantship made me even less prepared for the transition because as a grad student I could get away with so much more.
Its probably time to join a book club.

In Medias Res # 9- Giving it up for the Kids

2007-11-02T14:26:00.000-07:00

This is a brief one cause I am swamped. More of a reaction than anything.

So, I know this is not necessarily what this blog is about, but I’m giving album of the year to Battles’ Mirrored. It came out five months ago, and I cannot see myself falling for any album in the remainder of this year as I have for this one. I’ve been listening to it all summer, and its still not old.

Phew. I’m not nearly as stressed or disconnected as my co-blogger. I think a lot of this just has to do with the fact that I’m not in residence life. Probably everybody in the field can agree that that particular area takes a much bigger psychic toll on your, especially for new professionals. I give much props to the people who live in. Six months ago I thought I could do it, but at the moment I am so happy to go home to my wonderful apartment every day (even the days when it’s a pig sty).

This weekend is what I am starting to refer to as a “Giving it up for the Kids” weekend. Or- because we love our acronyms- a GIUFK. Basically from this morning through Sunday afternoon I have been in hard core event management mode. I met with students all morning in addition to running off materials and finalizing my presentation for a program I’m doing tomorrow (at a campus two hours away). Also, midway through the day I got offered the chance to have a nationally renowned speaker on campus tomorrow for free. Of course, I’m not here, but my students are so I set up the program (and marketed the program) amidst doing everything else. Around 4pm I realized I hadn’t eaten anything to day, and so I am chowing down on some Subway as I type this.

I was definitely surprised to read my co-blogger’s last post this week, though. As crazy as things are for me (and they are crazy) I feel pretty grounded. I’ve written about my supervisor before, and my coworkers. I think on the whole I lucked into better circumstances, rather than I am better at creating a work life balance. I think work has forced me to confront life a little bit more.

I’m looking forward to going away this weekend with my students. A friend from grad school will be at the program, so we’ll grab lunch and certainly kvetch about our jobs. Sunday I come back and I’m training more student leaders, and then before I know it? It will be Monday again. That said, as much as I hate waking up, I don’t really mind coming to work.

Res. Life and the City #6- Faith

2007-10-29T15:55:00.000-07:00

“Because being in an actual relationship means taking a risk, you know? It's just, a leap of faith. No matter how many times one might have been disappointed in the past.” -Carrie Bradshaw

Okay, first let's get something out of the way. Yes, I realize that I have not submitted an entry in three weeks. I apologize to the dozens of you reading this and perhaps wondering if I fell into a sinkhole or some other equally ridiculous way of disappearing. No, I did not fall into an actual sinkhole, but I do feel as though I fell into a personal one.

In my last post, I discussed how stressed out I have been. While the stress continues, it has morphed into a different type of stress over the past few weeks. I have internalized my work-related stress and now I am stressed on a personal level. I have simply not felt fulfilled. Then, in the matter of three days about two weeks ago, I hit rock bottom.

This whole episode or journey or whatever it is that's going on with me started innocently enough. My RAs had put together a bi-monthly guided meditation program series for our residents. Being a good supervisor, I decided to stop by one night to see how everything was working out. The leader of the meditation took a different route than I had ever experienced before. Since I work in Res. Life, I have definitely been through my fair share of guided mediations and stress relief exercises, but this time it was a totally different experiences. We did the whole guided muscle relaxation, but then the moderator asked us to go back into our memories and remember a time in which we were truly and totally happy. Not content, or fulfilled, or just okay...you had to pick a time in which you were really, truly happy.

All of a sudden, I was back at my previous institution in my old office which was always the hub of activity for my staff. It was around 10 o'clock at night and one of my favorite RAs threw open the door, strolled right in, and boldly announced "I'm craving a meat and cheese tray!" Like any good supervisor, I immediately agreed and we were soon on our way to the grocery store for a meat and cheese tray, along with some Hawaiian bread and spinach dip. We came back to my office and planned on working on homework together. A few more staff members joined us and we soon found ourselves looking up boy band videos on YouTube until four in the morning.

As I remembered this specific memory, the moderator asked us to bring our minds back to the present. He asked us to think about what about this particular memory was so fantastic, that it made us truly happy. Then he asked us to compare our current feelings toward the world and our life and our happiness to the memory we chose. We went back and forth like that for about 15 minutes and by the end of the exercise, I had started to cry and didn't even realize it. It was at that moment that I realized that I wasn't truly happy. Something was missing. Something was not working with my seemingly perfect life at the perfect school with the perfect job in the perfect location.

The feeling missing something continued until our all-staff meeting two days later. Part of the professional development series that we are doing as a department involved a personal assessment of personal balance. It had the standard questions such as how much sleep you were getting, how often you were getting off-campus, and other things that are specific to live-in professional. However, when I read the last question I stopped in my tracks and it suddenly became hard to breathe. Number 20 was staring back at me like a big, fat schoolyard dare. It read "Do you feel fulfilled?" This question was daring me to take the easy road and write "yes," even when I knew deep-down that the answer was a big, fat "no."

Something was not right with my soul. After our staff meeting, I rushed over to Borders and picked up this book which one of my old staff members (who was actually at the meat and cheese night) recommended to me while I was back for Homecoming. While it may not be for everyone, I felt like the author was speaking directly to me. My soul was craving for something more than meetings and students and exploring my new world. I still don't know if I can properly articulate what it is that I'm looking for, but I know that it has to be spiritual in nature.

You may be asking yourself what this all has to do being a first-year professional. Well, I am a big believer in karma and destiny and all of that "it was meant to be" sort of thing. I feel like although I may not be fulfilled right now, I know in my heart and soul that being at this institution was meant to be. I work at a religious and more so spiritual institution. Some of my friends still can't believe I work here due to my general abhorrence to all organized religions, but I know that I was meant to go through this exploration in a setting where spirituality is talked about on a daily basis. Our campus climate is so open to these types of conversations, whether you are part of a religion or not, you are always invited into the conversation. I am already thankful that I am part of community where I can explore whatever it is that's going on with me with and honest and open heart. I have no idea where I'm going from here, but I guess that's where faith comes into play.

In Medias Res #8-Breaking Writer's Block?

2007-10-25T13:42:00.000-07:00

From the album "Writer’s Block" (yes, I know its barely relevant I'm trying to see how many Peter, Bjorn, and John references I can cram in this semester)

I was having a lot of trouble with determining what I want to write about this week. My supervisor is out of town, and my students are immersed in midterms. It is one of those rare slow weeks where I’ve had the chance to get ahead on some ongoing projects. I did have two trainings this week, but I’d prepared them both well in advance (and the one I’ve done so far was pretty damn successful if I do say so myself).
So I figured I’d give you-dear reader- a bit more insight into what a slow week looks like for In Medias Res. We begin at the end, or with last week’s end anyways.
The Weekend:
While web surfing last Thursday I read a brief article about how one of my favorite bands had reformed and was touring. Out of curiosity I check out their website. Lo and behold, they were performing in my neck of the woods Friday night! What are the chances? I read the alternative weekly and pretty regularly check out the community calendars so I like to think I keep abreast of things, but this came up out of nowhere. And the show was awesome. And cheap. Such is the beauty of living in a city.
My weekend was off to a good start. I proceeded to sleep in on Saturday and then run a million errands. I even made it to the Farmer’s Market near my apartment for a cooking demonstration. Sunday I slept in again (good lord if I don’t love sleeping), read in my backyard, and checked out some dogs up for adoption. (So far? No dog.)
Monday:
Was meeting after meeting after meeting. Why do people only want to meet with me on Monday and Friday? And why do they expect me to have energy and enthusiasm at the end of either of those days? After work I went home, ate dinner, exercised, and came back to campus for a student program. Got to sleep around midnight.
Tuesday:
I booked a flight for a conference. I attended a program put on by our law school over the lunch break, and then came back to the office for three hours of curriculum revision. Tuesday it took me an extra half hour to get home because of construction (it usually takes fifteen minutes), and so I couldn’t get to the library before they closed. Rode my bike to the neighborhood borders and bought a copy of Tom Perotta’s new book on sale.
Wednesday:
Spent the morning meeting with our study abroad folks about creating focused themed programming. Not completely sold on the idea yet, but the implementation is at least a year out so hopefully as things firm up I can help them shape it into something exciting. Had lunch with a colleague in the Career Center who really wants to make the transition back to the activities/leadership side of Student Affairs. Kind of sounded like they were gunning for my job (which they will have to pry from my cold dead hands). After work I went home, ate dinner, and came back to campus for a student program (Déjà vu?).
Thursday:
Marathon staff meeting. Spent lunch working with a group of student leaders on a campus wide diversity initiative that needs a lot of conceptual work. This afternoon our campus speaker cancelled and so I have a good chunk of time to work on some programming initiatives. My student worker has been out of the office all week interviewing for Teach for America. My supervisor has not checked in once from the road which I appreciate it. On the agenda tonight: Going to see a craptacular horror film with a coworker.

In Medias Res #7- You Should be Offended

2007-10-18T07:22:00.000-07:00

Last weekend was Parent’s Weekend. Its significant because it’s the last weekend I have to work in a while (yay) and perhaps more importantly it was a great chance to get some insight into the students I work with. I can not help but think of my own parents during this sort of program. Back during Orientation (which seems like just yesterday) I couldn’t help but reflect on when my parents dropped me off at college (which also seems like just yesterday). How different my own parents seemed during my Parent’s Weekend, and more importantly-even though since then I might have argued otherwise- how much they treat me more they treated me like an adult. My parents are admittedly shocked-their words- by how independent I turned out to be. I’m not sure when it happened, although I know a lot of it has to do with coming out, but at some point I simply made a conscious decision to stop being a wallflower.

I therefore have a special affinity for those students who come to college and blossom. My transition to independence happened a little earlier, but I really came into my own skin that first semester of college. To see my students interact with their parents was interesting. To see the parents respond to the emergence of this new person in their absence was exciting.

One of the really fun things I got to do this weekend was moderate a coffee house for parents about our civic engagement programs. This is a campus wide effort we’re taking on, and our students expressed a lot of excitement about the opportunities that were being created. Of course because are students are bright and engaged the conversation inevitably turned to some of the hot button issues. In particular we talked a lot about the institution’s commitment to sustainability and the national debate surrounding the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA). Despite the fact that we have students all over the political spectrum, the conversation was respectful. We talked a lot about putting the ‘T’ in LGBT and then expanded on where/why/who gets to add Intersex and Asexual to the acronym. We also talked extensively about the notion of ‘special’ rights and expanding the sphere of what should and should not be legislated. As I transitioned towards final thoughts a parent chimed in that they had really appreciated the level and tone of discourse. They then added that from now on it was going to be hard to watch the chat shows without getting offended. Their student then added vehemently, “You should be offended. We should all be offended.” I waited to see the parent’s reaction, expecting a little bit of frustration, but they sat, thought, and then smiled.

But enough about that,

Friday night I had gone out with some other grad school friends for dinner (trust me, it’s the weird luck of the draw we all ended up here). Friday night the conversation centered on the usual topics: updates about mutual friends, venting about work hours, and concern over one person’s cat. A friend from grad school who works a little over an hour away came into town on Saturday. We went to a drag show downtown (one of the less spectacular drag shows I have been to). The conversation focused on the difficulty of making friends in a small town (his problem), the difficulty of cracking the code of a big city to find your social niche (my problem), and why we’re both single (I feel like I’ve been having that last conversation since sophomore year of college-even if I was just listening to other people when I happened to not be single).

I know we talk about balance a lot in the field, and I think the only thing that differentiates us from most other professions is how MUCH we talk about balance. I have college friends who live in town and they work as much if not more than I do. Being young and trying to create a career is a challenge whatever you do. Personally I would like to develop some friendships outside of the institution to get away from work, but I’m starting to think that this conversation about balance borders on the absurd. This is work, people. This is capitalism (and yes, the urge to compete still exists within higher education. Especially in higher education). Not to sound like a Marxist, but being a cog is supposed to make you feel alienated and isolated. If we don't find comraderie amongst the other workers- well who then?

In Medias Res # 6- Ideological Warriors

2007-10-12T08:09:00.000-07:00

I finished a great book last night. It’s called God’s Harvard: A Christian College on a Mission to Save America. The author, a reporter for the Washington Post, spent a couple of years shadowing a group of students at Patrick Henry College (PHC). PHC is a small Evangelical Christian Liberal Arts college. The book gives an overview of the institution’s founding, and then through alternating chapters share the student’s stories. I couldn’t help but think two things: 1) this would make a great dissertation topic, 2) higher education needs to do a better job of communicating what it does and why to people outside of higher ed. Most of the individuals we would consider student services professionals have no student services background. Granted, that in no way means they can't do the job. I know plenty of great practitoners without a traditional student affairs background. But at Patrick Henry the role of student services is parochial and it therefore becomes much more difficult to balance the needs of student development with the goal of Biblical education. I don't think the two are incompatible. Rather that in taking a liberal arts model of education Patrick Henry is undoubtedly leading itself down the road to uncomfortable compromise, and without individuals who have really engaged deeply with thinking about the mission, goals, and methods of liberal arts education they are making the task even more difficult of themselves.

The book ends with the school divided over direction: Is the goal to promote a classical liberal arts education that asks students to develop critical faculties through intellectual exploration or, is the goal to create Christian warriors who view reading Plato and Kant as opposition research? A number of faculty leave because the decision comes down that the school will be the latter. What really struck me about the students’ stories was how powerful the urge to learn and grow can be. Even in this hot house environment where everyone’s behavior is closely observed and scrutinized, students persist in developing whole authentic independent identities. Pretty cool.

Of course, most of the individuals in the book remain pretty hardcore ideologues. I was therefore surprised to hear that Patrick Henry was not putting on an Islamo-Fascism week when the internet and our office started buzzing about the event.. Now there’s a couple of things about this proposed week that bother me, not least of which is the involvement of David Horrowitz who I think would be happy to see the vast majority of the individuals at my institution fired. I’m sure he’d be happy to do away with Multicultural Affairs. What immediately bothers me about the whole thing is the rhetoric. Are not oppressive Islamic states theocracies? Has Fascism become a catch all for any sort of oppressive governmental structure that is anti-democratic?

I know this blog is supposed to be about my first year in the field, but damn if I haven’t been thinking about this programming week a lot lately. It doesn’t seem to be happening on our campus. I have heard rumblings, but generally if our students haven’t gotten their act together yet they aren’t going to. As a professional, though, I am torn in how I would respond to this if I was forced to.

On the one hand, I believe in the value of Free Speech and a public forum for students to try out ideas. I also recognize the marginalizing effect that such a program can have on a variety of student populations, and the corrosive influence that a debate which is not a dialogue (a distinction that I’ll get to in a second) can have on the campus climate.

When our students engage in dialogue about an issue, I find that generally while consensus might not emerge they are much better about creating a tenor of conversation that is respectful and considerate than individuals outside the institution. This is one of the great things about higher education that our critics may deny, but they would be wrong. At good institutions we are capable of fostering honest, open, and factual debate. In cases like the above program where the framing from the start is oppositional to collaboration and conversation (and let’s not kid ourselves, whatever you believe Islamo-Fascism as a rhetorical gesture frames your programming as oppositional) the tenor of the conversation has been decided before its begun. This is not a conversation or even a debate so much as a broadside.

Here is what I would challenge my students to do were they to come to me with the desire to replicate the proposed programs:
• Invite people with differing perspectives. Not only does this promote conversation, it also makes the program more interesting. Who wants to sit and listen to people passively agree?
• Think outside the box. One of the programs is a vigil for victims of Islamic terrorism. What about a vigil for all victims of terrorism? What about a day of reflection about the consequences of violence?

At the end of the day I have a feeling that we won’t see much in the way of Islamo-Fascism week on our campus. I would welcome it, if its going to add to the campus conversation, and spur student engagement. I just hope that if our students do attempt something like this they do it in a way that reflects the campus and not David Horrowitz’s the misguided notion of Higher Education.

Res. Life in the City #5- Feels Like Home to Me

2007-10-05T11:27:00.000-07:00

After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away. ~Carrie Bradshaw

So I have been really stressed recently. Not the normal "wow I have a lot to do" kind of stress or really even the "I feel somewhat over my head" stress. This was more along the lines of "I don't know if I can truly do my job" sort of stress. This is not a good feeling. The past two weeks there has been the overwhelming, soul-crushing force that has been hanging over my head. The feeling that has forced me to work 12, 14, or 16 hour days on a regular basis. The feeling that made me feel totally and completely incompetent at my job. Something was simply not right. What was the solution to this problem? Take five days away from work, escape to my prior institution's Homecoming Weekend, totally forget about responsibilities, hang out with friends, mentors, professors, and former staff members, and basically get the hell out of this funk.

I'm still trying to figure out if it was worth it. Clearly, I had a fantastic time. I did almost everything I wanted to while I was home including:

-Seeing everyone I wanted to and no one I didn't
-Catching up with my three best friends from grad school who all made the trek back to Homecoming (which is pretty fantastic when you think about it since we live about 3,000 miles away from each other)
-Hanging out with old RAs in the context of being a friend and not a supervisor which was pretty much amazing
-Eating at all of the places that I have have been craving since uprooting my life
-Laughing to the point of tears numerous times
-Having conversations with old RAs that helped me remember why I wanted to go into student affairs in the first place
-Living in a residence hall room for five days and experiencing public bathrooms for the first time in four years

While this weekend was truly amazing and good for my soul, it was also difficult in many ways. I have always had issues with change. Not so much personal change, but I don't like it when people or places or things that I love change. Therefore, it should come to no surprise that I burst into tears when I walked into the RA Workroom at my old building. It was simply too much for me to take when I saw a new furniture arrangement, different decorations, new systems and processes, and worst of all, a new grad's stuff in my office. It was really, really, really overwhelming. I think I was finally forced into the realization that I really was gone and didn't work there anymore. Consciously, I knew that I had started a new life, but it wasn't until I saw that everything had changed with my own eyes did it hit me that I wasn't just "playing hall director" at my new school, but I really had left the building, staff, students, and institution that I loved and hated with equal passion for over two years.

While I was away however, life kept on churning at my current school. My RAs dealt with a two and a half hour roommate mediation that ended with a stalemate, there was a student who reported suicidal thoughts and six students all decided they wanted to move. The phrase "life goes on" was never more clearly illustrated to me than when I opened up my e-mail for the first time in five days (aren't you proud? I didn't even look at it while I was away!). I was yet again thrown into the soul-crushing stress that made it hard for me to breathe. I'm not afraid to admit that at one point on Wednesday, I shut my office door, blasted some Journey, and just cried my eyes out. The stress had been building for so long, I was ready for my 1-on-1 with my supervisor to be a conversation about how I was slacking with my job responsibilities, wasn't doing well from an administrative standpoint, and was spending too much time on "fluff" (ie developmental activities with my staff) and literally not getting the job done.

I could not have been more wrong. I tried to keep it together for the first part of my 1-on-1, but then I confessed that I was really stressed and didn't know how I was going to get everything done. My supervisor deftly transitioned into a conversation about mid-semester evaluations. She said that she would like to give me a little feedback before our evaluation together next week. I braced myself for the worst, took a deep breath, and was ready for a reaming. However, she said that I was succeeding well past her expectations. She told me that the amount of developmental activities that I was attempting with my staff was something that campus had never seen before. She told me that she was shocked at the way I could be given a task and simply blow it out of the water. She continued to basically go against every notion that I had in my head about how I was majorly sucking at this job. I'm not writing about this to brag, but instead to process where these misconceptions about job performance are coming from. How is it that I think I am barely keeping my head above water, but my supervisor thinks I am gliding along? I'm going to think about that one and get back to you in a couple of days.

In Medias Res #5- Working for the Weekend

2007-10-05T07:36:00.000-07:00

Its been a crazy week, so instead of one long post I’ve written a little bit each day, and posted it all at once.
10/1
During our last staff meeting my supervisor basically told me I need to take a three day weekend and soon. I haven’t had any time off since I’ve started (we worked through labor day-yay orientation!) Now, I’m far from burnt out. In fact, I am still very much in the honeymoon phase. That said, if I’m going to lose the vacation days I may as well take them.
I already bought my tickets to go home for Thanksgiving and Winter Break. I thought a lot about going home for an extra weekend, but the cost and time involved would make the whole trip negligible on the enjoyment scale. I toyed around quiet a bit with trying to get some friends to meet me in Vegas, but then I remembered I don’t gamble and the last time (and only) time I was in Vegas I really hated it.
10/2----------
At my local library’s rummage sale I found a copy of Elvis Costello’s 1977 album ‘My Aim is True’. I should note I found this copy on vinyl and it is pretty much in pristine condition. I took it home last weekend and listened to it as I did laundry and cooked my lunch for Monday. The album kicks off with a barn burner called ‘Welcome to the Working Week’. I’ve always liked Costello but he was never someone that I actually sat down and listened to. ‘Welcome to the Working Week’ I think is how we should all start our day. I think it should be required listening in offices.
10/4----------
This is the first week since I have started this job that I feel stressed. At first I was so new I had nothing to do. There were no students around and so I diddled around the office, reading journals and planning programs that I would probably never do without student input. Once the students got back I was giddy and high on their energy. This week though I definitely felt myself crash.
This was not in response to anything in particular. Nothing tragic happened, but a whole series of things (particularly events and programs for which I am solely responsible) came to a head. Every day this week I’ve gone home and been bone tired. I wake up in the morning and I am tired. I am finally starting to understand why my supervisor wants me to take that three day weekend.
Next week is just as bad, but after that it’s a couple of weeks before I have another program. In that time I’m going to take a three day weekend, leave early a couple of days, and maybe come in late once or twice. (And don’t think I’m committing self sabotage. This is all coming from my supervisor).
Right now, honestly, I just want to go and grab a nap. And it’s 9 o’clock in the morning so that’s probably not a good sign.

In Medias Res #4- Young Folks in Student Affairs

2007-09-28T08:28:00.000-07:00

I started writing this post on Monday:

“Right after I posted the last blog things with the Frustrating Student Leader (FSL) got much more complicated. FSL is scheduling meetings with professional staff more or less behind my back (that sounds way more devious then it in reality is, but it’s also precisely what is happening). Also, the FSL is complaining. A lot. Loudly. About my advising style.

I’m not worried, weirdly enough. I have enough on my plate that if one (small) student organization is causing some turmoil they are just going to get stuck on the back burner. Obviously FSL and I need to have a talk about expectations and managing conflict, but the amount of energy I’m devoting to this group is becoming disproportionate to their relevance. I’m refocusing on the projects that take precedence and that, quite honestly, are less of a headache.

What I really need to do now…”

As I was writing this post FSL came into my office completely distraught. FSL has a partner that they talk about A LOT. And apparently Sunday night they broke up. And FSL came to talk to me about it. So things are completely different. FSL is still frustrating, but also much more receptive to my suggestions. I think in helping FSL process through what was for him/her a really painful situation we created a lot of trust. Yesterday we had our one on one and I shared with FSL what was frustrating me. They acknowledged my concern and promised to at least make more efforts not to be so damn frustrating.

So that was awesome.

After the one on one I went out with some colleagues for dinner. They all work in the same office, and while I’m right down the hall I’m in a completely different department. Such to the extant that it feels like I’m on a different planet. They were complaining about their supervisor, about other people’s supervisors, basically about every mid level manager in our division.

Now, I am incredibly grateful. My supervisor has some annoying ticks, and I am apparently the first professional staff he has ever supervised. But on the whole he is a great supportive supervisor. He knows how to provide constructive feedback, and he regularly recognizes whatever meager accomplishments I’ve made so far in public forums. He brings his experience to bear in assisting me with developing programming and he helps me navigate the University. More importantly he knows when to back off and defer to my expertise. While our staff meetings are long (he and I spent at least an hour this week going over October events) they are productive and relatively upbeat.

During dinner one of my coworkers went a little overboard with the ranting. In addition to making me slightly uncomfortable (I generally don’t want to be party to these conversations), it made me think about how new professionals develop relationships with seasoned people in the field. Last year, I wrote about the mentor relationship (I tried to find the link, but it’s too much of a pain in the ass). To summarize for new readers or the non-obsessive (which is to say, everyone) I’ve never been good about finding and cultivating mentors. The people who really helped me get into grad school and who supported my initial interest in student affairs slowly fell away as grad school went on despite my best efforts. In grad school I seemed to irritate faculty and staff more than anything. I’m sure if you asked the faculty I worked with they’d have plenty of nice things to say, but no one reached out to me because they failed to see something there. I have friends who had faculty members help them pick out interview clothes. I have friends who talk to faculty members once a week on the phone. Maybe they thought I didn’t need it? Maybe they already had too many mentees? Maybe I should have shaved more often?

Anyway, since I’ve been here that’s been one of my primary concerns. I want to find someone in the institution who sees value in me and the work I do. While I appreciate my supervisor at the end of the day he’s an academic and student affairs is just not his world. I find myself internally auditing people for goals, values, and success attained. I have a particular individual in mind, but some nagging concern is holding me back from initiating that relationship.

Basically the nagging is the sound of my ranting coworkers. I know their complaints are exaggerated, and a lot of them have to do with the individual’s working style which in a mentoring relationship would be less relevant. Do other people see this happening in their departments? I know all organizations are dysfunctional, but what does a good organization that supports and promotes mentoring look like?

Res. Life and the City- Whoa

2007-09-24T20:55:00.000-07:00

I dare you to watch this and not be totally and completely fascinated:

http://www.sandfantasy.com/videoclips/just_imagine_long.wmv

I had a semi-intense weekend and I'm still processing, so while that happens, just enjoy the video and get excited for the next post!

In Medias Res #3-The Long Tail View

2007-09-19T12:53:00.000-07:00

Do you read Pitchfork? I will admit I read it religiously even though this probably puts me in the category of ‘annoying nail biting hipster’. Every morning starts with a quick check of my email and a perusal of the new reviews on Pitchfork. Lots of the music doesn’t interest me at all, but there’s something refreshing about discovering some good new music every morning. Once in a while a song will really jump out at me and becomes the soundtrack of my day. Ironically enough, it was Bad Kids by Black Lip this week.

I was listening to the said song yesterday when I met with my most frustrating advisee. This individual is the President of one of the student groups I work with. In grad school I worked with two student groups, and they were both very decentralized. We had maybe one advisory meeting a semester and on the whole they were good. Could the students have used more concerted leadership development and training from me? Certainly. But both groups were small and focused on such niche interests (they weren’t Dungeons and Dragon clubs, but there weren’t far off) that the institution was just not going to dedicate those resources. MOST of the students I interacted with were either in the classroom, through training, or in one of the support groups I facilitated. As such my strengths and experience in working with students is not in the advisor/supervisor capacity.

A student worker pointed this out to me last week. We had our weekly check-in, and of the 45 minute meeting we probably spent 40 minutes talking about the campus, involvement opportunities, and his plans for graduate school. I did this because I want to get a better sense of who he is and what he wants to achieve through his work study job. But at the end of the meeting, he looked at me, and said, “Y’know I love meeting with you, because it’s like going to counseling.”

I’m trying to get into a supervisor/advisor mindset (I know those are two different roles). As I was meeting with my difficult student, I kept trying to ask myself WWGAD (What would a Good Advisor Do)? I know that the most beneficial thing would be to let this student fail. It would throw the student organization into turmoil (or I should say more turmoil), but as a leader there is so much this student can gain from not being rescued. Generally his leadership style is authoritative and autocratic. The group meetings are like nails on a chalk board. I need to allow them to fail so they question what they are doing (ideally). But the ‘first do no harm counselor’ in me wants to intervene.

It helps that this student rubs me the wrong way. It’s not easier to let them fail, but it is easier to see the benefit in doing so. I have talked to other advisors on campus-including my supervisor, and they generally seem to agree. This program hasn’t been working for a long time, so allowing it to continue to dysfunction even in a heightened way at least means no one is being anymore underserved. They are being underserved. They will continue to be underserved until we can rebuild. No one likes the idea, but it’s a necessary teachable moment.

My concern, of course, is that this failure won’t be just a teachable moment, but the final nail in the group’s coffin. If people have thoughts for the comments section they’re appreciated. On the whole I’m slightly terrified of creating a combustible situation in my first six months on the job.

Res. Life and the City #3- Awk-ward

2007-09-17T20:31:00.000-07:00

Carrie's editor, showing Carrie her book cover: Let me talk you through it. Blurred background, aah, faced paced city. And you, naked with nothing but your ideas.

Carrie: I get it. But, see, no matter how fast paced the city, I always manage to get my clothes on before I leave the apartment.

Ladies and gentlemen, loyal readers throughout the nation, I have a proclamation to make. A mere 10 minutes ago, I went from being an authoritarian, a position, or a title and became a living, breathing, normal human being in the eyes of one of my residents. Did I help them through a hard time, advise them to move forward in their development, or impact their life in a definitive way?

No. I was in the same room as they were and we were both doing laundry. I have one word to describe this interaction: Awk---ward

Let me take you back for a minute. Do you remember when you were in elementary or perhaps even middle school and you saw one of your teachers outside of your school for the first time? Maybe it was in the grocery store or attending one of their children's Little League games or perhaps in the porn section of the local video store on a dare during your best friend's 18th birthday party...wait, maybe that was just me. No matter where you saw them, do you remember the realization that they too were human beings who didn't solely exist in their classroom and then retire under their desk with a cup of tea in one of those #1 Teacher mugs? Well, I just went from being a wide-eyed, slow-to-comprehend child, to being the teacher figure. It's weird. It makes me feel old. I don't know if I like it. Let me see if I can attempt to set the scene for you...

I was just minding my own business, desperately hoping that no one would want to do laundry at 6 o'clock on a Monday night. I was going to do laundry last night, but soon realized that Sunday is a prime night for the college-aged laundry going crowd. Instead, I decided that had at least one more outfit in my closet so I held off until tonight. Mistake #1

Mistake #2 Having all of my undergarments on the top of my laundry basket. I normally do a better job at hiding them, but tonight I just didn't care. I think I was getting a little too cocky about this whole thing. I was really spoiled at my last job. While I didn't have a washer/dryer in my apartment, it was free and was only available to my supervisor and myself so I never had to deal with these types of situations.

Mistake #3 Not scoping out the laundry room before I went gallivanting in, throwing caution to the wind, and perhaps a bra or two in the process. If I would have done a little laundry-themed espionage which could have been under the guise of just checking the room for minor repairs, which would have been totally within the boundaries of my job, I could have avoided the whole situation.

Mistake #4 Not attempting to make witty banter when I first entered the laundry room where F-I-V-E residents stood and not making eye contact with anyone. I knew this was a mistake the first time I made eye contact, plastered a forced, but all-too-thin smile on my face, and went to work. If I would have said hello, or tried to make conversation, this whole situation could have been chalked up to another way of community development. Instead, I let the residents know that I was uncomfortable, which in turn made them uncomfortable, which turned into a bad sit-com where no one wants to say anything, but everyone wants to say something.

Mistake #5 Attempting to force witty banter into the already awkward conversation after the window for such banter was clearly shut, weather proofed, and covered with plywood. I knew it was awkward and the last thing I wanted was for students to feel awkward around me or think that I wasn't a flesh-and-blood human who did normal things like dishes, laundry, or errands. While I made a valiant attempt, the only response I got was a few shifty looks out of the corner of their eyes, a quickening pace of laundry folding, and one woman who threw her newly cleaned clothes in her Bed, Bath, & Beyond basket and fled the room. I automatically assumed that she went back to her room, barely conceling her laughter, and gleefully recounted her experience with her suitemates to the delight of all in her room.

While I would love to disect this embarrassing moment in my professional career to an even deeper level, it is sadly time to change my laundry from the washer to the dryer. Not worry though, I will have learned from my mistakes. I vow to wrap my undergarmets in a non-descript bath towel before I transfer them, I will scope out the scene of the laundry room before entering the scene of the crime, I promise to attempt witty banter if there is a resident hiding around a corner that I didn't catch the first time, and above all else, I will not attempt witty banter if there is already a cloud of awkwardness hanging over the room.

Welcome to the life of a live-in professional!

In Medias Res #3-The Local Memory Comes Around

2007-09-14T13:22:00.001-07:00

I find myself composing these blog posts in my head during the week. Sitting in a long drawn out meeting, I write a masterful examination of supervision, or an extended reflection on the delicate nature of the work/life balance in student affairs. Then I get back to my office, start doing work again, and completely forget about it. In fact, memory is one of the things I’m having perhaps the greatest difficulty with.
Ah, the trouble with memory. It manifests itself in multiple forms. I have trouble recalling the lessons I learned in grad school when a student challenges me with something patently stupid. Is it not developmental to tell people something is patently stupid? Is it problematic?
Memory is particularly playing havoc with me on a day like today when I am just frantic. Fridays have become my students’ favorite day to schedule meetings. As such I end up in back-to-back advising sessions, racing to get lunch and perhaps the occasional check in on paperwork and email. My schedule seems to run counter to everyone in the office. On Mondays and Tuesdays they are swamped with requests and by Friday a decent number of my coworkers are popping their heads in and out of people’s doors expressing sheer boredom.
I know with time I will get the rhythms of this office down. I know, now, for example, that I need to keep my calendar free on Fridays, and those things I had expected to leave for the end of the week (like posting my blog) needs to really be done on Thursdays.
This isn’t a complaint. My head is still well above water, and I am happy to have the work. I am equally happy to have such dedicated student leaders that they wake up on Friday morning to come and meet with me. I’m just wishing I took better notes, because it seems like every five minutes I am forgetting something today.
This observation lends itself to a new realization: this job is changing the way that I work, or perhaps rather I am changing the way that I work to be more successful at this job. For one it forces me to be quite a bit more organized. Between my own programming, collaborative programming, and advising my student groups I have way too many balls in the air to think that I can retain every detail in my head.
Similarly I find myself avoiding procrastinating on the small stuff that irritates me (like paperwork) that as a grad student would have sat on my desk for weeks. Now I spend the first half hour of every morning reserving rooms and banging out purchase orders. This way I feel accomplished at the beginning of the day, and more importantly I don’t have to think about them again.
What strikes me most about the transformation is how differently I consider my work now from the frame of mind I employed as a grad student. Here I am deeply concerned with my success and that of my students. I am much more on top of things, and I feel infinitely more competent. I guess..I actually feel like a professional? Which is kind of neat.

Res. Life and the City #2- Tired

2007-09-13T15:04:00.000-07:00

Carrie: There are very few things this New Yorker loves as much as Sunday brunch. You can sleep until noon and still get eggs anywhere in the city, alcohol is often included with the meal, and Sunday is the one day a week you get the single woman's sports pages: the New York Times wedding section.

Miranda: I love how they say "until recently, the bride worked."

Carrie: Yeah, meaning she quit her job as soon as she found her soul-mate-slash-investment-banker.

First, a confession. When I was a grad student (a mere four months ago) I really thought that things would slow down once I got my first professional position. I figured that by taking out class attendance, studying for tests, writing papers, reading volumes of books per week, and other such nonsense, I would have time for myself. Perhaps I'm going about things in the wrong way, but that really has NOT been the case so far.

The past two weeks I have been working from 10am-12am every weekday and have put in at least five hours each day on the weekend. Now I know what you are thinking. Yes, this is a lot of time and yes, I should speak to my supervisor about it, but here's the thing: I really like doing it! I feel really fulfilled by my position, I've been getting a lot of great feedback, and I honestly feel like I am coming into my own as a professional. I believe that the more work I put into my building, staff, and residents at the beginning, the less I will have to deal with discipline, teamwork, and other such issues throughout the year.

Although I've been tremendously productive, the amount of work has definitely taken a toll on my body and I felt it more than ever the past few days. Yes, I have finally gotten sick. I'm taking it as a sign from God that I am supposed to slow down. I usually get sick the day after Opening Weekend, but I think my body knew that it had to keep going throughout the next few weeks to make sure everything was set for the year. However, I am really feeling the effects now. The problem is that the pace of my job has not slowed down, even though my body is craving a rest.

This brings me to my next point. I don't want to slow down. Yes, it is crazy and out of control at times, but I really love it! I was talking to a co-worker the other day about what we would do if we won the SuperLotto which was around 300 million dollars. I paused for a moment and then said that I would probably keep working in Res. Life. My coworker looked at me like I was totally and completely nuts, but I honestly think I would continue to work. Perhaps not as a live-in professional, but I can't imagine my life outside of a college setting. Sure I would want to see the world and give to charities and maybe give a building in my name, but I really think I would continue to work and be totally happy doing so. I think I would continue to work on a college campus even if I did find my "soul-mate-slash-investment-banker." After a little bit of reflection, I think this is a sign that I am truly in the right profession, field, and position. So I continue on my way, exhausted but happy, sick but fulfilled and I wouldn't want it any other way.

In Medias Res #2- George Michael, Gay Outdoor Superhero for the 1980s

2007-09-05T09:31:00.000-07:00

For some reason I remember liking this song a lot more back in the day. The first 40 seconds of this video are Swedish-tastic.

Ok there’s two completely unrelated things that I want to discuss. So this post is going to take a wild turn midway through, much like David Lynch’s Mullholland Drive. Except it doesn’t have the strong anchoring performance of Ms. Naomi Watts.

When do adults start asking for what they want? I have, at least it seems like I have, had smarter people than me enumerate the need to be clear and concise in communicating our needs. This wasn’t just something I learned in grad school (although apparently it’s something good employees and managers do). I learned it as much from Philip Roth and the Zuckerman books. I tend to err more on the side of being blunt. I tell people what I think in the most political way possible, but nonetheless I’m clear about my intentions. This is true at work as it is in my personal life. As such I find myself getting easily frustrated.

Case in point: I have a friend (yes, I have a friend already, screw you. You don’t know me!) who is nursing a crush. This crush is either non-communicative or disinterested. As is have noted above I lean towards the latter. That is, when you flirt and someone doesn’t flirt back there is a reason behind it. Granted, the reason may be that they are a high functioning autistic, but that’s generally the reason that proves the rule. Now, if said friend would simply and clearly communicate to this individual that he is interested, at the very least the matter would clarify itself. When I suggested this, friend challenged my cognitive development. That’s right, dear reader. He called me a dualist.

Now I am comfortable with ambiguity. I wrestle with my spirituality and the ineffable unknowable universe. I try to make sense and meaning out of life’s grays. But, Jesus Christ kids! Telling your crush you have a crush does not make you a dualist. It makes you a grown up. I mention this, because a few different people I work with are exhibiting this behavior. Someone’s birthday got missed and now they are giving everyone the cold shoulder. Another office didn’t get included in an email and now apparently there is a war of words going on. Sometimes, in my tiny little fiefdom, I want to stand on a chair and shout “C’mon people!” Most of the time though, since I’m upfront, I’m not involved in this stuff, so I keep my mouth shut and turn my music up. It is a sort of passive aggressive jam-a-thon.

For long time and returning readers (here’s that curveball I was talking about) you may recall that last week’s post was about waiting for the shoe to drop. Well, in less than a week it has. My students are back. We are planning. I have programs, workshops, trainings, exec board and general body meetings to attend. It is awesome. My students still have an unbridled amount of enthusiasm and I am personally excited to have some taxing tasks to attack over the next few weeks.

Case in point: As I was typing this a student came by to say hello and ask about a button machine. Somehow we got off on a tangent about: mid 80s pop bands and the influence of George Michael, Out/Queer Identified comic book Superheroes, and why things are better generally outside. How many people can say they get to do that for a living?

Res. Life and the City #1- Meeting Needs

2007-09-03T20:12:00.000-07:00

"That's the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore." ~Carrie Bradshaw

First things first: It feels good to be back! To re-cap, this is "Pick Me-Choose Me-Hire Me" from last semester. However, I've decided to change my moniker for a few reasons. First, the school I am at now really did pick me, choose me, and eventually hire me, so the name seemed a little out of date. Second, while I love Grey's Anatomy more than most people, the quotes are pretty much all about angst and unrequited love and other Emo-like things. While this vibe was perfection for the job hunt, I wanted something a little more upbeat to start off my professional blogging. Finally, I am now actually living in a city! Hooray for me!

Although I may not be taking classes (which I am extraordinarily sad about...more in another post), I really can't get away from reflection. I guess it was drilled into me so much for the past two years, that it is truly hard to just abandon. Therefore, I decided to drudge up my first post from last year and do a little compare and contrast about what I wanted in January compared to what I now have in September. Should be interesting!

-I want to be able to drive to the beach in no more than 30 minutes. CHECK!

-I want to work with interesting, diverse, and engaged students. CHECK!

-I want to be part of a department that is full of fun, hardworking, dedicated, and hilarious people. Absolutely check!

-I want to live in a fun place. This means more restaurant choices than McDonald’s, Wendy’s, and the local pizza place. -My new environment is the epitome of fun!

-I want a cool atmosphere, a good martini bar, and if I want to go to a museum or see a show. -Not a problem at all, which I loooooove.

-I want to be able to bring my cat with me and then get a dog so my live-in accommodations will need to be pet-friendly. -Ah, at last a flaw. Unfortunately, no pet accommodations, but that can be a goal while I'm here, right?

-I want my department to offer same-sex partner benefits. While I identify as straight, I’m also an ally so I don’t want to work at a place where there isn’t housing equality. -Hooray! Even though my new school is uber-religiously affiliated, they are all about domestic partnerships!

-I want my supervisor to not just supervise me, but also be a mentor. Does this make me high maintenance? -My supervisor has surpassed my expectations so far and I think they will continue to do so.

-I want a place that values personal and professional balance. -Wellness Days, a Division-wide basketball league, and Happy Hours all tell me that this won't be a problem.

-I want a nice apartment. Call me vain, but I want an apartment that is comparable to what I would get “on the outside,” but for free! -I was pleasantly surprised!

-Speaking of free, I want a meal plan too. I’ve been dependent on campus food for going on six years and I don’t plan on learning how to cook anytime soon. -Also, not a problem and there is actually a pretty amazing selection of eating places on campus.

-I also want a parking spot (I’m lazy) and laundry (because I’m also cheap). -Ouch, a few more flaws. I don't have a reserved parking spot OR laundry, however I now get to park in Fac/Staff parking which is a new experience for me. Also, the laundry system is ID-card based so I don't have to rely on quarters anymore which is a step in the right direction.

I’m sure there are other things on my list too. Such as a diverse student and professional population, inviting campus environment, a place where I can “put theory to practice” as well as have opportunities to learn, develop, and grow, but those aren’t fun to think about. I can’t decide if I’m being delusional or just “particular.” I hope this fantasy job really is out there, because the pressure is already on.

So far, so good. This fantasy has been realized in my new job. Sure, there are challenges and frustrations. I always forget how exhausting it is to build new work relationships and out-of-work friendships. Luckily, the majority of the department and division are young, social, and outgoing people so there have been plenty of opportunities to build my new social network. I feel blessed to be in a place where my needs have been met from the very beginning. In fact, so many of my major needs have already been fulfilled that it is easy to overlook the smaller creature comforts such as laundry, a parking spot, and pet accommodations. I really feel like this is the perfect first job for me because there is a great mix of high expectations filled with so much fun I can hardly handle it at times. I have already identified a few areas of frustration and improvement, but how can you be unhappy in a place that makes you feel fulfilled?

In Medias Res #1-The Other Shoe

2007-08-31T07:22:00.000-07:00

I just got an email from ACPA asking me to fill out a survey about whether or not I use my graduate school education in my work as student affairs professional. Maybe, it’s because I’ve only just gotten my degree framed, or perhaps it is the result of a conversation I had with a grad school friend the other day, but the answer seemed obvious. OF COURSE!

Granted, I’m not constantly citing research, or referencing my student development book, but I do find that way more than I expected I have taken the lessons of graduate school to heart. I find myself balancing challenge and support. I find myself reading new literature to stay abreast of the field. Hell, a colleague and I are even putting the finishing touches on an ACPA proposal (perhaps the greatest fulfillment of Grad School learning, no?).

But you didn’t come here to see if I’m using my learning. Probably, you came here to see if that job search was worth it. Now that I have my first paycheck in my hand, and I’m more or less moved into my office do I feel like I made a good choice? Uhm, yes?

Listen, I’ve been here two months so far and at the moment my complaints are minimal. I like my office (a lot). I like my coworkers (plenty). I love my job so far. That said, this summer is nothing like I know the year will be. Why is that, In Medias Res, you ask me dear reader? Well, basically there are no students around. I’m out the door by five o’clock every day. I get home at a decent hour (interesting completely unrelated side note-the sun is always to my back as I commute which is a nice thing). I pay my bills, cook dinner, and exercise a little. I relax! This cannot be Student Affairs work, can it?

I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, dear reader. I am waiting for the late nights. The weeks of meals at my desk and of rushed dinners with friends in order to return to campus for a program. I don’t mean to suggest this is a bad thing. It is just a different life (one more in line with my expectations) than what I am living now.

Thus far I find myself adjusting to my new city pretty well. I have a routine-which for me is incredibly important. I know where things are. I have health, vision, and dental, so I can even get my teeth cleaned. I am making friends..slowly. I work in a very traditional office setting, and few of my coworkers are my age. Most of them are settled and have families. I am fortunate in that I have some college friends who moved here, but on the whole my social life is pretty limited. I’m also newly single which is actually kind of nice. I forgot how much fun dating can be-although I reserve the right to reverse that position in the coming weeks, dear reader. I will admit: you don’t know how much you miss sex until it is gone. That’s not necessarily sage advice I’m sharing with students, but it is true. (Joanie Mitchell never lied).

If my complaints are minimal, my joys are pretty abundant. I like the students and I have met so far, and this job is exactly what I wanted. Institution type, location, position responsibilities. Everything is sort of optimal. Yes, I might have preferred a slightly larger city, but honestly to even entertain that notion at this point in my career just seems greedy. On the whole I am happy. Let’s see how quickly that changes. (Just kidding, dear reader. I know you don’t come to In Medias Res for cynicism!)

I’m excited for the year, and that seems like as good a place as any to pause for now.