I started writing this post on Monday:
“Right after I posted the last blog things with the Frustrating Student Leader (FSL) got much more complicated. FSL is scheduling meetings with professional staff more or less behind my back (that sounds way more devious then it in reality is, but it’s also precisely what is happening). Also, the FSL is complaining. A lot. Loudly. About my advising style.
I’m not worried, weirdly enough. I have enough on my plate that if one (small) student organization is causing some turmoil they are just going to get stuck on the back burner. Obviously FSL and I need to have a talk about expectations and managing conflict, but the amount of energy I’m devoting to this group is becoming disproportionate to their relevance. I’m refocusing on the projects that take precedence and that, quite honestly, are less of a headache.
What I really need to do now…”
As I was writing this post FSL came into my office completely distraught. FSL has a partner that they talk about A LOT. And apparently Sunday night they broke up. And FSL came to talk to me about it. So things are completely different. FSL is still frustrating, but also much more receptive to my suggestions. I think in helping FSL process through what was for him/her a really painful situation we created a lot of trust. Yesterday we had our one on one and I shared with FSL what was frustrating me. They acknowledged my concern and promised to at least make more efforts not to be so damn frustrating.
So that was awesome.
After the one on one I went out with some colleagues for dinner. They all work in the same office, and while I’m right down the hall I’m in a completely different department. Such to the extant that it feels like I’m on a different planet. They were complaining about their supervisor, about other people’s supervisors, basically about every mid level manager in our division.
Now, I am incredibly grateful. My supervisor has some annoying ticks, and I am apparently the first professional staff he has ever supervised. But on the whole he is a great supportive supervisor. He knows how to provide constructive feedback, and he regularly recognizes whatever meager accomplishments I’ve made so far in public forums. He brings his experience to bear in assisting me with developing programming and he helps me navigate the University. More importantly he knows when to back off and defer to my expertise. While our staff meetings are long (he and I spent at least an hour this week going over October events) they are productive and relatively upbeat.
During dinner one of my coworkers went a little overboard with the ranting. In addition to making me slightly uncomfortable (I generally don’t want to be party to these conversations), it made me think about how new professionals develop relationships with seasoned people in the field. Last year, I wrote about the mentor relationship (I tried to find the link, but it’s too much of a pain in the ass). To summarize for new readers or the non-obsessive (which is to say, everyone) I’ve never been good about finding and cultivating mentors. The people who really helped me get into grad school and who supported my initial interest in student affairs slowly fell away as grad school went on despite my best efforts. In grad school I seemed to irritate faculty and staff more than anything. I’m sure if you asked the faculty I worked with they’d have plenty of nice things to say, but no one reached out to me because they failed to see something there. I have friends who had faculty members help them pick out interview clothes. I have friends who talk to faculty members once a week on the phone. Maybe they thought I didn’t need it? Maybe they already had too many mentees? Maybe I should have shaved more often?
Anyway, since I’ve been here that’s been one of my primary concerns. I want to find someone in the institution who sees value in me and the work I do. While I appreciate my supervisor at the end of the day he’s an academic and student affairs is just not his world. I find myself internally auditing people for goals, values, and success attained. I have a particular individual in mind, but some nagging concern is holding me back from initiating that relationship.
Basically the nagging is the sound of my ranting coworkers. I know their complaints are exaggerated, and a lot of them have to do with the individual’s working style which in a mentoring relationship would be less relevant. Do other people see this happening in their departments? I know all organizations are dysfunctional, but what does a good organization that supports and promotes mentoring look like?
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