Res. Life and the City #13- Transitionally Challenged

After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away. ~Carrie Bradshaw


First, I apologize for the prolonged absence. There's been a lot of stuff going on with my job and not all good. Second, I realize that I have used the preceding quote before, but it's really the only one that gets at the heart of this post so you may just have to deal with the repetition. I apologize wholeheartedly to the blog purists out there.

So the major issue that I have been dealing with for the past two weeks is a doozey. One of those "I don't know if I can handle this" bombshell type of things. What could possibly be so jarring to my personal and professional self? My supervisor is leaving. The person who recruited me from January through May of last year. The person that I have a professional crush on and have tried to emulate her sensibilities and purpose. The person that has made me grow more a professional and person in six months than all of my other supervisors throughout my life. The person who made this University not just a job, but also a home is leaving.

Now I realize that I am probably blowing this totally out of proposition, but it came as such a shock to me that I think I am still processing it. She pulled a colleague and I over after a meeting last week and said that she needed to talk to us about something. I thought that I had forgotten to turn in some paperwork or something else to that effect. Wrong. She told us that she had been sought out and heavily recruited to take a position at a similar institution that is about two hours away from our current one. She said that it was basically her dream position with a lot more responsibility. She will basically be in charge of an entire Res. Life department and since she doesn't want to get her Ph.D., she knew that she will only be able to move up in the field if she takes jobs with increasingly complex levels of responsibility. She said that she was not actively job searching and actually refused the offer at first, but the school was so set on getting her to come and be a part of major changes in their Division, they came back and re-offered the position. She was really flattered and thought that although she loves this place, she knew that this type of opportunity wouldn't come up again any time soon and she knew that she had to go for it.

What did I hear from all of this? I didn't hear that she was basically fulfilling one of her major professional goals or taking a big step up the ladder. I didn't hear that she was moving back to a city that she had previously worked in and completely loved. I didn't hear that she was going to reconnect with a lot of old friends. I didn't hear that she was on her way to being in love with this institution with the same passion and furor that I saw in her during the recruitment process. All I heard was that she was leaving and my professional world was crumbling around me.

This was so out of the blue that my first response was a selfish one. I managed to sputter out "Congratulations! This is so great for you!" but all I could think was "What the hell is going to happen to me?" I have never really had abandonment issues before, but in one flash of fear and worry, I think I have a better understanding of what people have told me about before. To add to the craziness, my supervisor told me that she wanted to make a clean break and not get too far into the semester so she would be finishing out this month and then heading off to her new position. Also, during our two subsequent one-on-ones, she has been unable to tell me where the department is heading and whether we will be restructuring or if her position will be filled with someone new.

Our one-on-ones have also been filled with lots of tears on both sides of the table. Granted, I don't discriminate when it comes to crying in front of people, but we have been having conversations about how she would never leave this school for any other position. She has continuously said that she only hopes that I have learned a fraction of what she has learned from me. She said that she was so excited about my candidacy during the recruitment process and had big plans for me with the learning community in my building. She was also very clear that just because she was at another school, that it didn't mean that I still couldn't process with her and visit every now and then. While I know that a lot of this was probably an attempt to quell my tears and eventually heaving, it was nice to know that the relationship hasn't been one-sided.

In closing, I don't know what will happen to me. I know that this institution is very committed to the growth and support of new professionals so I know I won't get lost in the shuffle, but it still an uncertain time. I will probably know more tomorrow after our staff meeting, but there is a part of me that feels like a foster child who is getting shuffled to another set of parents until my full-time family can be put in place. This whole experience has yet again reminded me that change can be my best friend, but the transition time to get to the point of cemented change does not agree with my professional sensibilities.