In Medias Res #7- You Should be Offended

Last weekend was Parent’s Weekend. Its significant because it’s the last weekend I have to work in a while (yay) and perhaps more importantly it was a great chance to get some insight into the students I work with. I can not help but think of my own parents during this sort of program. Back during Orientation (which seems like just yesterday) I couldn’t help but reflect on when my parents dropped me off at college (which also seems like just yesterday). How different my own parents seemed during my Parent’s Weekend, and more importantly-even though since then I might have argued otherwise- how much they treat me more they treated me like an adult. My parents are admittedly shocked-their words- by how independent I turned out to be. I’m not sure when it happened, although I know a lot of it has to do with coming out, but at some point I simply made a conscious decision to stop being a wallflower.

I therefore have a special affinity for those students who come to college and blossom. My transition to independence happened a little earlier, but I really came into my own skin that first semester of college. To see my students interact with their parents was interesting. To see the parents respond to the emergence of this new person in their absence was exciting.

One of the really fun things I got to do this weekend was moderate a coffee house for parents about our civic engagement programs. This is a campus wide effort we’re taking on, and our students expressed a lot of excitement about the opportunities that were being created. Of course because are students are bright and engaged the conversation inevitably turned to some of the hot button issues. In particular we talked a lot about the institution’s commitment to sustainability and the national debate surrounding the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA). Despite the fact that we have students all over the political spectrum, the conversation was respectful. We talked a lot about putting the ‘T’ in LGBT and then expanded on where/why/who gets to add Intersex and Asexual to the acronym. We also talked extensively about the notion of ‘special’ rights and expanding the sphere of what should and should not be legislated. As I transitioned towards final thoughts a parent chimed in that they had really appreciated the level and tone of discourse. They then added that from now on it was going to be hard to watch the chat shows without getting offended. Their student then added vehemently, “You should be offended. We should all be offended.” I waited to see the parent’s reaction, expecting a little bit of frustration, but they sat, thought, and then smiled.

But enough about that,

Friday night I had gone out with some other grad school friends for dinner (trust me, it’s the weird luck of the draw we all ended up here). Friday night the conversation centered on the usual topics: updates about mutual friends, venting about work hours, and concern over one person’s cat. A friend from grad school who works a little over an hour away came into town on Saturday. We went to a drag show downtown (one of the less spectacular drag shows I have been to). The conversation focused on the difficulty of making friends in a small town (his problem), the difficulty of cracking the code of a big city to find your social niche (my problem), and why we’re both single (I feel like I’ve been having that last conversation since sophomore year of college-even if I was just listening to other people when I happened to not be single).

I know we talk about balance a lot in the field, and I think the only thing that differentiates us from most other professions is how MUCH we talk about balance. I have college friends who live in town and they work as much if not more than I do. Being young and trying to create a career is a challenge whatever you do. Personally I would like to develop some friendships outside of the institution to get away from work, but I’m starting to think that this conversation about balance borders on the absurd. This is work, people. This is capitalism (and yes, the urge to compete still exists within higher education. Especially in higher education). Not to sound like a Marxist, but being a cog is supposed to make you feel alienated and isolated. If we don't find comraderie amongst the other workers- well who then?