In Medias Res #4- Young Folks in Student Affairs

I started writing this post on Monday:

“Right after I posted the last blog things with the Frustrating Student Leader (FSL) got much more complicated. FSL is scheduling meetings with professional staff more or less behind my back (that sounds way more devious then it in reality is, but it’s also precisely what is happening). Also, the FSL is complaining. A lot. Loudly. About my advising style.

I’m not worried, weirdly enough. I have enough on my plate that if one (small) student organization is causing some turmoil they are just going to get stuck on the back burner. Obviously FSL and I need to have a talk about expectations and managing conflict, but the amount of energy I’m devoting to this group is becoming disproportionate to their relevance. I’m refocusing on the projects that take precedence and that, quite honestly, are less of a headache.

What I really need to do now…”

As I was writing this post FSL came into my office completely distraught. FSL has a partner that they talk about A LOT. And apparently Sunday night they broke up. And FSL came to talk to me about it. So things are completely different. FSL is still frustrating, but also much more receptive to my suggestions. I think in helping FSL process through what was for him/her a really painful situation we created a lot of trust. Yesterday we had our one on one and I shared with FSL what was frustrating me. They acknowledged my concern and promised to at least make more efforts not to be so damn frustrating.

So that was awesome.

After the one on one I went out with some colleagues for dinner. They all work in the same office, and while I’m right down the hall I’m in a completely different department. Such to the extant that it feels like I’m on a different planet. They were complaining about their supervisor, about other people’s supervisors, basically about every mid level manager in our division.

Now, I am incredibly grateful. My supervisor has some annoying ticks, and I am apparently the first professional staff he has ever supervised. But on the whole he is a great supportive supervisor. He knows how to provide constructive feedback, and he regularly recognizes whatever meager accomplishments I’ve made so far in public forums. He brings his experience to bear in assisting me with developing programming and he helps me navigate the University. More importantly he knows when to back off and defer to my expertise. While our staff meetings are long (he and I spent at least an hour this week going over October events) they are productive and relatively upbeat.

During dinner one of my coworkers went a little overboard with the ranting. In addition to making me slightly uncomfortable (I generally don’t want to be party to these conversations), it made me think about how new professionals develop relationships with seasoned people in the field. Last year, I wrote about the mentor relationship (I tried to find the link, but it’s too much of a pain in the ass). To summarize for new readers or the non-obsessive (which is to say, everyone) I’ve never been good about finding and cultivating mentors. The people who really helped me get into grad school and who supported my initial interest in student affairs slowly fell away as grad school went on despite my best efforts. In grad school I seemed to irritate faculty and staff more than anything. I’m sure if you asked the faculty I worked with they’d have plenty of nice things to say, but no one reached out to me because they failed to see something there. I have friends who had faculty members help them pick out interview clothes. I have friends who talk to faculty members once a week on the phone. Maybe they thought I didn’t need it? Maybe they already had too many mentees? Maybe I should have shaved more often?

Anyway, since I’ve been here that’s been one of my primary concerns. I want to find someone in the institution who sees value in me and the work I do. While I appreciate my supervisor at the end of the day he’s an academic and student affairs is just not his world. I find myself internally auditing people for goals, values, and success attained. I have a particular individual in mind, but some nagging concern is holding me back from initiating that relationship.

Basically the nagging is the sound of my ranting coworkers. I know their complaints are exaggerated, and a lot of them have to do with the individual’s working style which in a mentoring relationship would be less relevant. Do other people see this happening in their departments? I know all organizations are dysfunctional, but what does a good organization that supports and promotes mentoring look like?

Res. Life and the City- Whoa

I dare you to watch this and not be totally and completely fascinated:

http://www.sandfantasy.com/videoclips/just_imagine_long.wmv


I had a semi-intense weekend and I'm still processing, so while that happens, just enjoy the video and get excited for the next post!

In Medias Res #3-The Long Tail View

Do you read Pitchfork? I will admit I read it religiously even though this probably puts me in the category of ‘annoying nail biting hipster’. Every morning starts with a quick check of my email and a perusal of the new reviews on Pitchfork. Lots of the music doesn’t interest me at all, but there’s something refreshing about discovering some good new music every morning. Once in a while a song will really jump out at me and becomes the soundtrack of my day. Ironically enough, it was Bad Kids by Black Lip this week.

I was listening to the said song yesterday when I met with my most frustrating advisee. This individual is the President of one of the student groups I work with. In grad school I worked with two student groups, and they were both very decentralized. We had maybe one advisory meeting a semester and on the whole they were good. Could the students have used more concerted leadership development and training from me? Certainly. But both groups were small and focused on such niche interests (they weren’t Dungeons and Dragon clubs, but there weren’t far off) that the institution was just not going to dedicate those resources. MOST of the students I interacted with were either in the classroom, through training, or in one of the support groups I facilitated. As such my strengths and experience in working with students is not in the advisor/supervisor capacity.

A student worker pointed this out to me last week. We had our weekly check-in, and of the 45 minute meeting we probably spent 40 minutes talking about the campus, involvement opportunities, and his plans for graduate school. I did this because I want to get a better sense of who he is and what he wants to achieve through his work study job. But at the end of the meeting, he looked at me, and said, “Y’know I love meeting with you, because it’s like going to counseling.”

I’m trying to get into a supervisor/advisor mindset (I know those are two different roles). As I was meeting with my difficult student, I kept trying to ask myself WWGAD (What would a Good Advisor Do)? I know that the most beneficial thing would be to let this student fail. It would throw the student organization into turmoil (or I should say more turmoil), but as a leader there is so much this student can gain from not being rescued. Generally his leadership style is authoritative and autocratic. The group meetings are like nails on a chalk board. I need to allow them to fail so they question what they are doing (ideally). But the ‘first do no harm counselor’ in me wants to intervene.

It helps that this student rubs me the wrong way. It’s not easier to let them fail, but it is easier to see the benefit in doing so. I have talked to other advisors on campus-including my supervisor, and they generally seem to agree. This program hasn’t been working for a long time, so allowing it to continue to dysfunction even in a heightened way at least means no one is being anymore underserved. They are being underserved. They will continue to be underserved until we can rebuild. No one likes the idea, but it’s a necessary teachable moment.

My concern, of course, is that this failure won’t be just a teachable moment, but the final nail in the group’s coffin. If people have thoughts for the comments section they’re appreciated. On the whole I’m slightly terrified of creating a combustible situation in my first six months on the job.

Res. Life and the City #3- Awk-ward

Carrie's editor, showing Carrie her book cover: Let me talk you through it. Blurred background, aah, faced paced city. And you, naked with nothing but your ideas.

Carrie: I get it. But, see, no matter how fast paced the city, I always manage to get my clothes on before I leave the apartment.


Ladies and gentlemen, loyal readers throughout the nation, I have a proclamation to make. A mere 10 minutes ago, I went from being an authoritarian, a position, or a title and became a living, breathing, normal human being in the eyes of one of my residents. Did I help them through a hard time, advise them to move forward in their development, or impact their life in a definitive way?

No. I was in the same room as they were and we were both doing laundry. I have one word to describe this interaction: Awk---ward

Let me take you back for a minute. Do you remember when you were in elementary or perhaps even middle school and you saw one of your teachers outside of your school for the first time? Maybe it was in the grocery store or attending one of their children's Little League games or perhaps in the porn section of the local video store on a dare during your best friend's 18th birthday party...wait, maybe that was just me. No matter where you saw them, do you remember the realization that they too were human beings who didn't solely exist in their classroom and then retire under their desk with a cup of tea in one of those #1 Teacher mugs? Well, I just went from being a wide-eyed, slow-to-comprehend child, to being the teacher figure. It's weird. It makes me feel old. I don't know if I like it. Let me see if I can attempt to set the scene for you...

I was just minding my own business, desperately hoping that no one would want to do laundry at 6 o'clock on a Monday night. I was going to do laundry last night, but soon realized that Sunday is a prime night for the college-aged laundry going crowd. Instead, I decided that had at least one more outfit in my closet so I held off until tonight. Mistake #1

Mistake #2 Having all of my undergarments on the top of my laundry basket. I normally do a better job at hiding them, but tonight I just didn't care. I think I was getting a little too cocky about this whole thing. I was really spoiled at my last job. While I didn't have a washer/dryer in my apartment, it was free and was only available to my supervisor and myself so I never had to deal with these types of situations.

Mistake #3 Not scoping out the laundry room before I went gallivanting in, throwing caution to the wind, and perhaps a bra or two in the process. If I would have done a little laundry-themed espionage which could have been under the guise of just checking the room for minor repairs, which would have been totally within the boundaries of my job, I could have avoided the whole situation.

Mistake #4 Not attempting to make witty banter when I first entered the laundry room where F-I-V-E residents stood and not making eye contact with anyone. I knew this was a mistake the first time I made eye contact, plastered a forced, but all-too-thin smile on my face, and went to work. If I would have said hello, or tried to make conversation, this whole situation could have been chalked up to another way of community development. Instead, I let the residents know that I was uncomfortable, which in turn made them uncomfortable, which turned into a bad sit-com where no one wants to say anything, but everyone wants to say something.

Mistake #5 Attempting to force witty banter into the already awkward conversation after the window for such banter was clearly shut, weather proofed, and covered with plywood. I knew it was awkward and the last thing I wanted was for students to feel awkward around me or think that I wasn't a flesh-and-blood human who did normal things like dishes, laundry, or errands. While I made a valiant attempt, the only response I got was a few shifty looks out of the corner of their eyes, a quickening pace of laundry folding, and one woman who threw her newly cleaned clothes in her Bed, Bath, & Beyond basket and fled the room. I automatically assumed that she went back to her room, barely conceling her laughter, and gleefully recounted her experience with her suitemates to the delight of all in her room.


While I would love to disect this embarrassing moment in my professional career to an even deeper level, it is sadly time to change my laundry from the washer to the dryer. Not worry though, I will have learned from my mistakes. I vow to wrap my undergarmets in a non-descript bath towel before I transfer them, I will scope out the scene of the laundry room before entering the scene of the crime, I promise to attempt witty banter if there is a resident hiding around a corner that I didn't catch the first time, and above all else, I will not attempt witty banter if there is already a cloud of awkwardness hanging over the room.

Welcome to the life of a live-in professional!

In Medias Res #3-The Local Memory Comes Around

I find myself composing these blog posts in my head during the week. Sitting in a long drawn out meeting, I write a masterful examination of supervision, or an extended reflection on the delicate nature of the work/life balance in student affairs. Then I get back to my office, start doing work again, and completely forget about it. In fact, memory is one of the things I’m having perhaps the greatest difficulty with.
Ah, the trouble with memory. It manifests itself in multiple forms. I have trouble recalling the lessons I learned in grad school when a student challenges me with something patently stupid. Is it not developmental to tell people something is patently stupid? Is it problematic?
Memory is particularly playing havoc with me on a day like today when I am just frantic. Fridays have become my students’ favorite day to schedule meetings. As such I end up in back-to-back advising sessions, racing to get lunch and perhaps the occasional check in on paperwork and email. My schedule seems to run counter to everyone in the office. On Mondays and Tuesdays they are swamped with requests and by Friday a decent number of my coworkers are popping their heads in and out of people’s doors expressing sheer boredom.
I know with time I will get the rhythms of this office down. I know, now, for example, that I need to keep my calendar free on Fridays, and those things I had expected to leave for the end of the week (like posting my blog) needs to really be done on Thursdays.
This isn’t a complaint. My head is still well above water, and I am happy to have the work. I am equally happy to have such dedicated student leaders that they wake up on Friday morning to come and meet with me. I’m just wishing I took better notes, because it seems like every five minutes I am forgetting something today.
This observation lends itself to a new realization: this job is changing the way that I work, or perhaps rather I am changing the way that I work to be more successful at this job. For one it forces me to be quite a bit more organized. Between my own programming, collaborative programming, and advising my student groups I have way too many balls in the air to think that I can retain every detail in my head.
Similarly I find myself avoiding procrastinating on the small stuff that irritates me (like paperwork) that as a grad student would have sat on my desk for weeks. Now I spend the first half hour of every morning reserving rooms and banging out purchase orders. This way I feel accomplished at the beginning of the day, and more importantly I don’t have to think about them again.
What strikes me most about the transformation is how differently I consider my work now from the frame of mind I employed as a grad student. Here I am deeply concerned with my success and that of my students. I am much more on top of things, and I feel infinitely more competent. I guess..I actually feel like a professional? Which is kind of neat.

Res. Life and the City #2- Tired

Carrie: There are very few things this New Yorker loves as much as Sunday brunch. You can sleep until noon and still get eggs anywhere in the city, alcohol is often included with the meal, and Sunday is the one day a week you get the single woman's sports pages: the New York Times wedding section.

Miranda: I love how they say "until recently, the bride worked."

Carrie: Yeah, meaning she quit her job as soon as she found her soul-mate-slash-investment-banker.


First, a confession. When I was a grad student (a mere four months ago) I really thought that things would slow down once I got my first professional position. I figured that by taking out class attendance, studying for tests, writing papers, reading volumes of books per week, and other such nonsense, I would have time for myself. Perhaps I'm going about things in the wrong way, but that really has NOT been the case so far.

The past two weeks I have been working from 10am-12am every weekday and have put in at least five hours each day on the weekend. Now I know what you are thinking. Yes, this is a lot of time and yes, I should speak to my supervisor about it, but here's the thing: I really like doing it! I feel really fulfilled by my position, I've been getting a lot of great feedback, and I honestly feel like I am coming into my own as a professional. I believe that the more work I put into my building, staff, and residents at the beginning, the less I will have to deal with discipline, teamwork, and other such issues throughout the year.

Although I've been tremendously productive, the amount of work has definitely taken a toll on my body and I felt it more than ever the past few days. Yes, I have finally gotten sick. I'm taking it as a sign from God that I am supposed to slow down. I usually get sick the day after Opening Weekend, but I think my body knew that it had to keep going throughout the next few weeks to make sure everything was set for the year. However, I am really feeling the effects now. The problem is that the pace of my job has not slowed down, even though my body is craving a rest.

This brings me to my next point. I don't want to slow down. Yes, it is crazy and out of control at times, but I really love it! I was talking to a co-worker the other day about what we would do if we won the SuperLotto which was around 300 million dollars. I paused for a moment and then said that I would probably keep working in Res. Life. My coworker looked at me like I was totally and completely nuts, but I honestly think I would continue to work. Perhaps not as a live-in professional, but I can't imagine my life outside of a college setting. Sure I would want to see the world and give to charities and maybe give a building in my name, but I really think I would continue to work and be totally happy doing so. I think I would continue to work on a college campus even if I did find my "soul-mate-slash-investment-banker." After a little bit of reflection, I think this is a sign that I am truly in the right profession, field, and position. So I continue on my way, exhausted but happy, sick but fulfilled and I wouldn't want it any other way.

In Medias Res #2- George Michael, Gay Outdoor Superhero for the 1980s

For some reason I remember liking this song a lot more back in the day. The first 40 seconds of this video are Swedish-tastic.



Ok there’s two completely unrelated things that I want to discuss. So this post is going to take a wild turn midway through, much like David Lynch’s Mullholland Drive. Except it doesn’t have the strong anchoring performance of Ms. Naomi Watts.

When do adults start asking for what they want? I have, at least it seems like I have, had smarter people than me enumerate the need to be clear and concise in communicating our needs. This wasn’t just something I learned in grad school (although apparently it’s something good employees and managers do). I learned it as much from Philip Roth and the Zuckerman books. I tend to err more on the side of being blunt. I tell people what I think in the most political way possible, but nonetheless I’m clear about my intentions. This is true at work as it is in my personal life. As such I find myself getting easily frustrated.

Case in point: I have a friend (yes, I have a friend already, screw you. You don’t know me!) who is nursing a crush. This crush is either non-communicative or disinterested. As is have noted above I lean towards the latter. That is, when you flirt and someone doesn’t flirt back there is a reason behind it. Granted, the reason may be that they are a high functioning autistic, but that’s generally the reason that proves the rule. Now, if said friend would simply and clearly communicate to this individual that he is interested, at the very least the matter would clarify itself. When I suggested this, friend challenged my cognitive development. That’s right, dear reader. He called me a dualist.

Now I am comfortable with ambiguity. I wrestle with my spirituality and the ineffable unknowable universe. I try to make sense and meaning out of life’s grays. But, Jesus Christ kids! Telling your crush you have a crush does not make you a dualist. It makes you a grown up. I mention this, because a few different people I work with are exhibiting this behavior. Someone’s birthday got missed and now they are giving everyone the cold shoulder. Another office didn’t get included in an email and now apparently there is a war of words going on. Sometimes, in my tiny little fiefdom, I want to stand on a chair and shout “C’mon people!” Most of the time though, since I’m upfront, I’m not involved in this stuff, so I keep my mouth shut and turn my music up. It is a sort of passive aggressive jam-a-thon.

For long time and returning readers (here’s that curveball I was talking about) you may recall that last week’s post was about waiting for the shoe to drop. Well, in less than a week it has. My students are back. We are planning. I have programs, workshops, trainings, exec board and general body meetings to attend. It is awesome. My students still have an unbridled amount of enthusiasm and I am personally excited to have some taxing tasks to attack over the next few weeks.

Case in point: As I was typing this a student came by to say hello and ask about a button machine. Somehow we got off on a tangent about: mid 80s pop bands and the influence of George Michael, Out/Queer Identified comic book Superheroes, and why things are better generally outside. How many people can say they get to do that for a living?

Res. Life and the City #1- Meeting Needs

"That's the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore." ~Carrie Bradshaw

First things first: It feels good to be back! To re-cap, this is "Pick Me-Choose Me-Hire Me" from last semester. However, I've decided to change my moniker for a few reasons. First, the school I am at now really did pick me, choose me, and eventually hire me, so the name seemed a little out of date. Second, while I love Grey's Anatomy more than most people, the quotes are pretty much all about angst and unrequited love and other Emo-like things. While this vibe was perfection for the job hunt, I wanted something a little more upbeat to start off my professional blogging. Finally, I am now actually living in a city! Hooray for me!

Although I may not be taking classes (which I am extraordinarily sad about...more in another post), I really can't get away from reflection. I guess it was drilled into me so much for the past two years, that it is truly hard to just abandon. Therefore, I decided to drudge up my first post from last year and do a little compare and contrast about what I wanted in January compared to what I now have in September. Should be interesting!

-I want to be able to drive to the beach in no more than 30 minutes. CHECK!

-I want to work with interesting, diverse, and engaged students. CHECK!

-I want to be part of a department that is full of fun, hardworking, dedicated, and hilarious people. Absolutely check!

-I want to live in a fun place. This means more restaurant choices than McDonald’s, Wendy’s, and the local pizza place. -My new environment is the epitome of fun!

-I want a cool atmosphere, a good martini bar, and if I want to go to a museum or see a show. -Not a problem at all, which I loooooove.

-I want to be able to bring my cat with me and then get a dog so my live-in accommodations will need to be pet-friendly. -Ah, at last a flaw. Unfortunately, no pet accommodations, but that can be a goal while I'm here, right?

-I want my department to offer same-sex partner benefits. While I identify as straight, I’m also an ally so I don’t want to work at a place where there isn’t housing equality. -Hooray! Even though my new school is uber-religiously affiliated, they are all about domestic partnerships!

-I want my supervisor to not just supervise me, but also be a mentor. Does this make me high maintenance? -My supervisor has surpassed my expectations so far and I think they will continue to do so.

-I want a place that values personal and professional balance. -Wellness Days, a Division-wide basketball league, and Happy Hours all tell me that this won't be a problem.

-I want a nice apartment. Call me vain, but I want an apartment that is comparable to what I would get “on the outside,” but for free! -I was pleasantly surprised!

-Speaking of free, I want a meal plan too. I’ve been dependent on campus food for going on six years and I don’t plan on learning how to cook anytime soon. -Also, not a problem and there is actually a pretty amazing selection of eating places on campus.

-I also want a parking spot (I’m lazy) and laundry (because I’m also cheap). -Ouch, a few more flaws. I don't have a reserved parking spot OR laundry, however I now get to park in Fac/Staff parking which is a new experience for me. Also, the laundry system is ID-card based so I don't have to rely on quarters anymore which is a step in the right direction.

I’m sure there are other things on my list too. Such as a diverse student and professional population, inviting campus environment, a place where I can “put theory to practice” as well as have opportunities to learn, develop, and grow, but those aren’t fun to think about. I can’t decide if I’m being delusional or just “particular.” I hope this fantasy job really is out there, because the pressure is already on.

So far, so good. This fantasy has been realized in my new job. Sure, there are challenges and frustrations. I always forget how exhausting it is to build new work relationships and out-of-work friendships. Luckily, the majority of the department and division are young, social, and outgoing people so there have been plenty of opportunities to build my new social network. I feel blessed to be in a place where my needs have been met from the very beginning. In fact, so many of my major needs have already been fulfilled that it is easy to overlook the smaller creature comforts such as laundry, a parking spot, and pet accommodations. I really feel like this is the perfect first job for me because there is a great mix of high expectations filled with so much fun I can hardly handle it at times. I have already identified a few areas of frustration and improvement, but how can you be unhappy in a place that makes you feel fulfilled?