Res. Life and the City #11- It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

“As we speed along this endless road to the destination called who we hope to be, I can't help but whine, 'Are we there yet?'” ~Carrie Bradshaw


Well, it truly is the most wonderful time of the year. While I am speaking partly about the actual holiday season, and specifically Christmas which is my favorite holiday of the year, I am also talking about the most wonderful time of the year for Res. life folks: CLOSING TIME!

Last week I officially closed my own building for the first time. Sure, as an RA and a grad, I had my own responsibilities and played a role in the larger picture, but I was never the one in charge, giving directions, and making sure everything was secure for the break. Needless to say, I was a little nervous. However, my new institution does things very differently from my last institution and it was not really a big deal to close a building. My other co-workers who are new this year kept calling each other and saying "I think I'm missing something. What are you doing for your building?" Even though I had the overwhelming sense that I was missing something, everything turned out well and my first Winter closing was under my belt.

As a few of the stragglers left the building, laundry in tow, they asked me "So, what are you going to do without any students here?" The first response that came to my mind was "Dance naked through the halls with a bottle of liquor and a lit candle," but I felt like that may give the wrong impression, so I told them that I would finally get a chance to get things done that I haven't been able to get to when students are around. They shook their head with a knowing look in their eye and they scooted out of the building with visions of new cell phones and GPS' in their heads. In reality, the following week was a little bit of a joke. The majority of the time was spent prank calling my co-workers, loading pictures onto Facebook, packing, and enjoying more end-of-the-year parties than necessary. All in all, it was a fantastic last week and a nice way to ease into the holiday break.

I was lucky enough to start the break with a much-needed visit with my best friends from grad school. They somehow all ended up in working in the same city so I flew into their new hometown and spent 2 1/2 days hanging out, seeing their new schools, and experiencing life in their new worlds. It was not only nice to see the things that I've been hearing about for the past six months, but it was totally amazing to just be with my friends and not rush around and make plans and worry about how much time we have left. We simply ate and laughed and it was basically all kinds of wonderful. After a few days of this, my parents picked me up and drove me back to my old life which is where you find me now.

I am watching TV, basking in the glow of our family Christmas tree which is decorated with ornaments chronicling major events in my life since birth, and silently thanking my parents for finally breaking down and getting the Internet. As the holiday rapidly approaches, I am bracing myself for the questions I am bound to receive from my family and friends of the family about my new life, job, and city. It is more than worlds apart from where I sit now, so I am trying to come up with a good response to "So what is it like?" or "So how do you like it?"

Is there ever a really good answer to that question? I never know how to start. It's like the opening interview question which is undoubtedly "So tell us about yourself..." Do you start with a joke or a quip, or do you start out seriously and give it to them straight? Also, how exactly do you describe a new city, friends, job, hobbies, weather, students, dreams, and aspirations? I've started this already with my parents and brother and they have both seemed disappointed when I feebly attempted to describe what it's like to be me.

On the same front, I'm worried that people are going to eventually say "Well what are you going to do after this?" I'm worried because I feel like I have (metaphorically) arrived. Starting a career in student affairs has what I've been working towards (sometimes unconsciously) for the majority of my life. I have a feeling that "Oh, just advancing in my functional area" isn't going to be flashy and exciting enough to impress my judgemental great-aunt Jan and her kids who can do no wrong. However, in the past few months I've realized that I'm no longer working towards a goal, but rather working within this goal to become a better version of myself. I highly doubt that my 88-year-old Grandpa will know or even care about what I'm saying. I have a feeling that the conversation will immediately divert to gas prices, but I guess that's the nature of the holiday season.

In Medias Res #16- Ho, Ho, Oh Hell No, or 'Almost climbing the walls'

It is holiday season in ‘In Medias Res’ land (as I’m sure it is in your land, since the two frequently overlap). Although our students started leaving last Wednesday it isn’t as if I have had a lack of things to do around here. In fact, these last two weeks have been crazy busy. I’ve had a hand full of student crises come through my office, as well as my semester reports and a grant application to push through (as such this is more of an update than a proper post).
Last weekend we had some snow, and although the weather wasn’t particularly bad for whatever reason all the streets around me were iced over. This, of course, made driving on them especially difficult. So with the exception of a few on foot trips to the market and the dry cleaners I was a bit of a homebody. I cooked. I cleaned. I did spectacular amounts of laundry. (I also watched Dreamgirls on HBO. Decent movie).
In Medias Res will be home for the next week so posting will be spotty at best. I’ll have plenty of access to the internet, I just honestly cannot be bothered with you while I’m on vacation. I love you dear reader. I’m just not in love with you.
On that note, I’m going to cut this one short. Life is interesting, but nothing that you really need to concern yourself with. Back in a few, kids. Keep the home fires burning.

In Medias Res #15- My condo is my baby

I need to move. Not right away, but between the commute and some impending construction delays I really would prefer to be closer to work. As much as I like my neighborhood I find myself spending more time away from home, and driving around to get to all my favorite places is getting old. I want to reduce my carbon footprint, dear readers. I want to be the kind of person a Nobel laureate like Al Gore could love.
Now, I won’t be moving for a good six months. That said, I want to get a sense of what’s out there, where I would live, and what I can get for my money. To that end, I stopped in a real estate office this weekend in one of the neighborhoods I have my eye on. As I was talking to the realtor he was explaining the benefits of home ownership. Dear reader, In Medias Res is not a sucker. I know any real estate agent is going to try and talk you into buying a house. That’s their job. I try and talk young people into spending thousands of dollars to sit in a classroom for four years on a regular basis. That’s my racket.
But it did make me think about why I wasn’t even considering buying. I’m still young, and although that’s a factor its not really a compelling one. If I’m making money, and I can save money, should I not be investing what little I can? That would presumably be the primary advantage of investing at a young age: a small amount of money can go further. Student affairs, of course, is a pretty fluid profession. Lots of people move around from school to school, but people tend to stay at my institution for quite a few years. Realistically, barring any major change of circumstance, I imagine I would stay here until I decide to go back for my Phd (which would put me at 3-5 years).
Here’s the advantages as I see them:
I’m building equity.
I have the autonomy and freedom to do what I want with my space.
Some of the houses I’m looking at (and yes in this depressed market I can
probably afford a house) have 2 or 3 bedrooms, and a friend has already
expressed interest in renting an inexpensive bedroom.
Gives me a sense of stability.
It would (most likely) eat into more of my income than rent.
Here are some of the disadvantages:
I’m responsible every time something breaks.
It makes it harder to leave. I’ve basically put down roots.
I might lose money on the house if I have to sell quickly (or the market changes).
I’m not throwing money away on rent.
Honestly, it bugs the crap out of me that my rent money just disappears into the ether. I also hate having a landlord. This may just be my experience, but in general I’ve never been happy with any landlord I’ve had. They’re not responsive. They don’t particularly care about me, more about the condition of the apartment. Everything is a struggle.
I know buying a place wouldn’t be problem free. Houses require upkeep, maintenance, and furniture (the last of which I own very little of). That said, they would be problems I can immediately address since they will be problems I have literal ownership over.
Now, a million things could change between now and the end of the school year. But isn’t that a neat holiday wish? In Medias Res: Homeowner, Blogger, Handsome Sumbitch.

Res. Life and the City #10- Fabulousness

Believe me, your fabulousness would translate. ~Samantha Jones


So last week I sat down with my supervisor to have a little chat about my performance so far this semester. I wasn't expecting too many surprises, since my supervisor has been great about giving me continual feedback throughout the past few months. She told me that I was still impressing people and doing a great job and how happy she was that I was succeeding. However, she then said something that I've been thinking about ever since.

She told me that while she knows how well I am doing, she's not sure if anyone else on campus or in the department is aware of (in her words) my "fabulousness." First, dear reader, please don't view this as a chance for me to brag about my meager accomplishments this semester. Second, I was a little dumbfounded by what to say to this admission by my supervisor. Did this mean that my accomplishments weren't worthy of mention to "higher-ups" or does it mean that I'm just not accomplishing things that higher-ups would ever notice in the first place?

I asked my supervisor to expand on this thought and God bless her, she was great. She told me that she had had lunch with the Associate VP of Student Life and was talking about the people that she supervised and when she mentioned my name, the AVP said that he really didn't see me all that much (which is not good because we work out of the same physical office) and that he didn't know much about me (which is even worse because we have a lot of common interests and even graduated from the same University). When I interviewed here, all of the mid-level managers told me that their main job was to find opportunities for me to grow as a professional and also to brag about me to people who could find opportunities for me in the future. My supervisor reiterated her main goal in her job was to promote her supervisees to others in the department and at the University, so she said she did this during the conversation.

While it's great to know that my supervisor has my back, she brought up a great point. She said that it is very easy for new professionals to get tunnel-vision when it comes to the politics of student affairs. She said that she knows I am doing amazing things in my building and with my students and staff members, but she also said that she sometimes worried that I am so focused about being proficient at my job, that I'm not looking for opportunities to further my network of colleagues. She continued to say that since I am doing my job well, my goal for the next semester should be to start branching out into the University community and start letting people know about the things that I'm doing and that I'm interested in pursuing.

Although I am all for networking, I've decided that I have a big problem with self-promotion. There is nothing less comfortable to me than telling people about what things I've been doing. Maybe it's the good Midwestern girl in me that makes me think that I am being boastful or prideful, but it just doesn't sit right with me. I suppose I've been laboring under the assumption that if I do my job and do it well, people will naturally notice these things. I have soon discovered through my conversation with my supervisor and also as I've been reading the book Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make that Sabotage Their Career maybe women are less prone self-promote and let people know about their fabulousness.

The feminist in me is screaming out that it isn't fair and that women shouldn't have to adapt to men's way of maneuvering in the world of work, but the pragmatist in me is saying that I should just bite the bullet and model my behavior after the men in my department. While I feel blessed to be in a profession that is overwhelming female-oriented, the people in positions of power above mid-level managers are still for the most part male. This means that while my methods of self-promotion (or lack thereof) will theoretically only get me to a certain level and I will inevitably hit the glass ceiling. Although I know that it's good that I'm thinking about this stuff during the first few months of my professional career, it is a little disheartening to think about the strategy and basically game I'll have to play to advance in my career. So what do you think dear reader? Should I shout about my fabulousness from the rooftops or continue to do my job and do it well without the seemingly political self-promotion?

In Medias Res #14: It seems easier to handle if you say 180 days

What sort of person blogs about their job and expects people to actually read?A narcissist most likely. Certainly someone who is self involved enough to think that their musings merit not just an audience, but also consideration. Consideration, dear reader! Which is precisely what I got last week from my supervisors.
For a moment I was concerned that possibly my supervisor was reading this blog because things were almost too perfect. It was as if they had printed out last week’s entry, and gone through it point by point. It made me glad for a moment that I had not concluded my writing with the graphic fantasy scene I had written featuring Jason Bateman and the male cast of Gossip Girl. Then I reminded myself that I’ve put up a sufficiently excellent smoke screen, and that no one could track down In Medias Res so easily. I am much like a master criminal, dear readers, in that you aren’t even completely sure I stole something from you. But I did, dear reader. I stole your hearts.
Anyways, back to consideration. So last week I vented about the lack of feedback I’ve been getting in terms of actual quality of my performance. This week, perhaps because the end of the semester approaches-perhaps because quite a few of my programs have come to fruition-perhaps because my supervisors have been sensing my need for approval- I got quite a bit of recognition. Most of this was in the form of forwarded emails from other individuals on campus letting my supervisors know how much they enjoyed some of our programming. In addition we all met face to face earlier this week, and during that meeting I was basically told that my performance is up to par. There are definitely things I can work on (mostly stuff I was expecting), but it was good to hear that I’m not completely off the rails.
Afterwards I found it much easier to focus on my work and my productivity increased exponentially. This was fortuitous as I’ve been meeting with student leaders all week to review the semester. Now I love my students, but I am sure as hell looking forward to winter break. Granted, I’m not going to be on break. We get a couple of days off for the holidays, but nothing like the month our students get. Instead, I’m looking forward to having the time to catch up on things. Winter break cannot come soon enough!
As I obsess over calendar days, I’ve been noticing that I have in fact just had my six month anniversary in this position. Six months, dear reader! That’s longer than some marriages. This pales in comparison, of course, when one considers that you and I dear reader have been together for almost a year.

In Medias Res #13-Always want to be the Greatest

Oh dear reader. After Monday’s manic post, you most likely are expecting something more calm and reserved, yes? That seems to be my mode, at least having spent a while today reading my own archives (huzzah narcissism). I write something wild and frustrated, and then I return to a simpler more quotidian entry. I’m sure if I had more time and energy I could trace most of the posts to emotional highs and lows. I was certainly reenergized after my time home for the holiday. I don’t have the inclination, though. So you’ll just have to trust my hypothesis.
That said, I do hope you’ll forgive me if I get a little bit energized again. Maybe I haven’t burnt up all of that leftover turkey. Cause something’s bothering me this week, dear reader, and for once it’s not you and our love hate paso-doble. For once, it really is me and not you. (Don’t worry we’re not breaking up. Yet.)
See there’s a weekly meeting that I am expected to be at, and I make it there five minutes early every week. I come prepared, and I share my thoughts and opinions. Here’s the problem though: when I get in that meeting I become so eager to please. I want to impress and amuse people. I’m like a needy puppy. Of course, as is always the way with these things I end up saying stupid things in my effort to sound smart, and I must appear annoying in my efforts to seem charming.
Now, I am well aware that I do this. For some reason, though, I can’t stop myself. Where is that naked desire for approval and recognition coming from? (Oh, I hear you scoffing dear reader, as you remember last week’s bitter pleas for validation, but always remember, my love, that my remonstrations to you are in jest). Last week, during our one on one, after I did my updates my supervisor moved on to their ‘suggestions’. This is always the part of our time that makes me nervous. If there’s going to be criticism or negativity it will be in this portion of the meeting. Generally we talk about some minor nuisance. Very rarely does he have bad things to say. But I spend my morning before the meeting a nervous wreck.
Honestly, what’s going on here? Almost all of the feedback I’ve gotten thus far has been positive, and even when I am annoying or cloying in one of these meetings people generally seem to brush it off. I end up spending too much of the day fretting over bad performance in a meeting, or focusing on a bit of irritating (albeit true) feedback.
I expect and hope that as I become more confident in my position and skills that this neediness will subside. I think also, the next time I sit down with my supervisor I will just ask how they feel about my performance. My end of the semester performance review is coming up anyway, but I figure getting feedback a little bit sooner might allay some of this anxiety (anxiety issues? Oh f*&k I’ve become my father).

In Medias Res #12- We're Co-writing the book of love, and you dear reader are a shitty ghost writer

Oh dear reader,
I didn’t mean to leave you hanging last week. But let’s be honest this is a cold and heartless relationship we are in. I give and give, and you never reciprocate. Not a single comment since we’ve started In Medias Res 2: Attack of the Employed Student Affairs Professional. I didn’t mean to jilt you, but perhaps on some subconscious level I did? You are by far the most dysfunctional relationship in my life, and as such I passionately love/hate you.
That’s not really what this post is about though, dear reader. Sure I needed a week off from your passive aggressive style of cyber love making. In reality, though, I was home for the holiday and I was too busy and wrapped up in the minutiae of being with my family to want to blog. Had I been back at work? I most certainly would have been nursing at the teat of your quiet unknowable approval.
So what did I do with myself over break, you might be wondering? (Are you? Are you truly, dear reader?) Surprisingly not the stuff I used to do on vacation. When I would come home from grad school all I wanted to do was relax. I parked myself next to a pool and read my way through whatever I could get my hands on at the library. There were breaks, of course, for meals and movies, but generally when I headed to my parent’s house for any length of time it was to crash.
I attribute this largely to the stress of graduate school. This time, while home, I did much of the same. I read a lot (in particular Daniel Mendelsohn’s excellent memoir The Lost, the new collection of Best American Non-Required Reading, and Nancy Horan’s Loving Frank which I found sort of disappointing). I saw some movies (in particular No Country for Old Men and Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead, both were exceptional). This time around though, I just had more energy. Obviously I’m less stressed, and so I find myself less in need of an emotional cleansing. Also the warm weather and sunshine energized me in a way it hadn’t before-maybe I’ve been living in the North for too long.
Whatever the case I got more done this time around. What it was I actually ‘got done’ I could not tell you, but I at least felt more productive. I went places. I saw people. I did stuff. I ran into a number of people from high school who had returned home after a couple of years away. Quite a few of the people that I work with now took jobs at our institution because they were from the area. One of my colleagues moved back here after ten years away. I thought a lot about what it would be like to move back. There are some things I miss about home; foremost among them being how rarely I get to see my family. The weather is pretty much unbeatable, as well, although in reality the place I grew up no longer exists. My hometown was smallish, with lots of farms. As I grew these farms gave way to housing developments, and by the time I was in high school the population had boomed. What was a tiny suburb has become a small city, and so were I even to move back I wouldn’t be moving to the same place. Case in point: I used to ride my bike past the same cow pasture every day for years on my way to elementary school. Now the cows are replaced by a Target. Admittedly? The Target smells better.
When I was job searching I didn’t look seriously at most of the institutions in the area because the institutions didn’t really match my needs. There are two small public universities, both of which are largely commuter schools (which makes the potential for a Residence Life position pretty much nil). Further south is a prestigious private institution, but the only positions open on their HR site were in admissions, and that’s quite honestly an area I am in no way suited for. Further north is a pretty awesome honors college that is part of the state university system, but it is by far the most isolated institution in the state and one of my goals was to get out of a college town.
By the end of the week I was more than ready to get back to my big city life and my big city job (as a friend half jokingly referred to it). I do miss things about being home, but most of the things that I really miss aren’t even at home anyways. I miss the freedom from responsibility that being home engenders. I miss the ability to drop off the grid and be taken care of. I imagine even if I had taken that admissions job I would still miss those things. I would though be a hell of a lot fatter as a byproduct of Sunday dinners with my grandmother. So solely for the sake of my health, I’m probably best off where I am.
Next week, dear reader? You will have your damn post on time. I would never cross you twice. I love/hate you too much.

Res. Life and the City #9- Giving Thanks

Samantha: These fast food apple pies are surprisingly delicious!

Carrie: I know! Why would anybody go to the trouble of making one when you can buy one that is so perfect and individually sized?

So I spent my very first major holiday away from home (I'm not counting the 4th of July, Roald Dahl's birthday, or National Talk Like a Pirate Day) and survived quite nicely. Thanksgiving has never been a big holiday with my family since both my mom and dad come from fairly small families. There just isn't a ton of hype when the holiday boils down to a moderately larger meal than what you are used to. Therefore, with flight prices skyrocketing and only having a four-day weekend, I decided to stay in my new city and see what Thanksgiving would look like for a young, single, professional.

I was planning on doing something super sexy and fabulous like getting all dolled up and going out on the town, but tradition stopped me in my tracks. I was one of a few staff members who stayed on campus due to the aforementioned reasons. We begrudgingly decided that we should properly celebrate this holiday which is based solely around oppression of other's cultures by stuffing our face with starchy goodness. One of the other HD's decided that he would be in charge of the meal and we would have it picnic style at one of the major attractions of my new city. However, he is a major MBTI "P" and as I've stated before in multiple posts, I am the epitome of a "J." Therefore, when last Wednesday came around and I still didn't have any concrete plans, I jumped into action.

I started a group e-mail that went to everyone who would be joining us and tried to coordinate who would be bringing what and when we would meet and who would drive and all of the other details that are involved when you try to plan an event for people who are used to planning their own events as a profession. Eventually, the original planner of the event got a little testy and said that I was "hijacking his holiday" which I'm sure was said with equal parts of humor and truth. I wanted to see what his idea of a Thanksgiving meal would be for young, fabulous, and metropolitan people and he said "Turkey sandwiches and those apple pies from McDonald's." I simply could not take this. I told him that if we were going to have Thanksgiving, then we needed to give the holiday a little respect. I told him that I would take care of the food and he could just show up and look pretty.

So Thursday came and I was all set with the food. We carpooled to the local attraction, set out our blanket, and had ourselves a good old-fashioned feast. We were enjoying each other's company and the scenery and the great food and the my co-worker brought up how I had hijacked the holiday, but this time it was all in good fun. We then went into a 15-minute discussion where I asserted that turkey sandwiches and processed apple pies did not constitute a Thanksgiving meal while he contended that it was an "avant-garde" approach to the meal. I told him that he was watching too much Project Runway and that if I wanted to have a meaningless fight about food that had the potential for emotional scars, I would have just gone home and spent the holiday with my family!

With a laugh and a hug, we decided to never fight again. It seems as though no matter how far I am away from my family and the craziness that seems to rear it's head during the holiday, the ridiculousness follows to my new family. My new family is from every part of the nation and continent and I absolutely love working with each and every one of them. So to keep with my family's tradition of going around the table and saying what we are thankful for, I am thankful for my co-workers at my new school. They are my friends, colleagues, confidants, and most importantly, my new family, ridiculous fights and all.

What are you thankful for?

Res. Life and the City #8- Growing Up

"When you're a teenager, all you want to do is buy beer. But once you hit 30 all you want to do is to get carded." ~Carrie Bradshaw


The last few months in my new exsistence, I've started to realize something. I'm not getting mistaken for a student anymore. Yes, I realize that this doesn't mean that the world is coming to an end and that I should be aging gracefully, but damn if I want to get older! I don't know if it has something to do with what a typical student looks like at my new school (i.e. they just stepped out of a magazine) and what typical students looked like at my old school (i.e. they just stepped out of a corn field), but I am treated much more as a professional and I think I am seen as such on campus, which was not the case when I was in grad school.

Maybe it has to do with the fact that we aren't allowed to wear flip-flops at my new school. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I was often seen with a backpack and iPod earbuds while walking to and from class, study sessions, or paper-writing in the library last year. No matter the reason, I can't tell you the last time I was treated like a student, asked to see my ID, or not given the respect I deserve as a professional from the start of a conversation. While it makes me happy that I am seen and treated as a professional, there's a small piece of me that holds onto the hope that someone will ask me what year I am or what my major is at the start of a conversation.

This lack of mistaken identity led to an interesting conversation with one of my colleagues last night. We were making a joke about "RD's Gone Crazy" type of behavior and he said "Well, we aren't in college anymore" and I countered with "But we ARE in college! We're in a college setting right now!" The dichotomy of being surrounded by people who are overwhelmingly younger than you while not succumbing to behavior made me think about how student affairs professionals are constantly surrounded by immaturity and always expected to rise above it. When I think about my college education, the stress was always put on the "world after college," but what happens when your own personal "world after college" is actually a world within a new and different, but somehow hauntingly familiar setting?

I think student affairs professionals can often find themselves in a Catch-22. To be honest, we don't know what it's like to be "in the real world." While I can't speak for other functional areas, I think this is especially true for people who pursue Residence Life careers. We have no concept of rent, or utility payments, and often don't have to pay for meals or groceries. We don't have to face a daily commute or road rage. Additionally, what real-world community do you know of that brings in poets, artists, politicians, activists, dignitaries, sporting events, social justice events, musical performances, or theatrical opportunities for minimal to no cost and is located within a 5 minute walk of your house?

While we seem to have the best of both worlds, I have found myself dealing with my very "real-life" issues within this collegiate bubble. I have seen too many students dealing with real-world pain and issues the past few months to think that we are living in a drama-free zone. The last time I was on duty, I assisted with a student who intentionally overdosed on prescription pills and there was a major car accident on campus last night that one of my collegues had to respond to as the main Housing official on duty. Although I like to think of myself as still being college-aged from time to time, the moments of sobering reality when helping and assisting students through difficult times always make me come back to Earth. I've decided that the ultimate goal for me this year is to balance the crazy college girl that's deep within me that just wants to have fun and the beginning professional who has to deal with crazy college girls within her own community.


"In the end I decided I was definitely 34 going on 35, but in a city like New York, with its pace and its pressures, sometimes it's important to have a 13-year-old moment. To remember a simpler time when the best thing in life was just hanging out, listening to records and having fun with your friends. In your very own apartment." ~Carrie Bradshaw

In Medias Res #11-Moving on Up

As I type this entry I am still wearing the safety goggles I was given on the construction site this morning. We went on a tour of our new campus union, which G-d and weather willing, will be opening this summer. The frame of the building is up and the spaces for our offices are blocked off, although who will actually be in which office has yet to be decided. During my first week of orientation here there was quite a bit of fuss made over how we don’t have hierarchies. That notion gets dispelled really quickly, though, when people are vying for office space.
Now, I’m realistic and I’m also not particularly greedy. I am the last hired (although by this summer that may not be true anymore) and I have the least experience. More importantly I like having a smaller space. It forces me to get out of my office and move around campus. I meet students over in the residence halls or at one of the cafes on campus, and it allows our conversations to be a great deal more casual. Even if I had a bigger office with a conference table I don’t know how much it would get used. Or, if it were getting used how much that level of formality would change my relationship with my students.
I am looking forward to getting into the new space, whichever office I do end up with. First of all, the building is amazing. It is brand new, with awesome amenities and yet it is very focused on creating spaces for students to get involved and engaged. It is far from those monstrosities you read about in The Chronicle where 90% of the square footage has been dedicated to retail spaces. There is no Mystic Tan on the premises. There is, however, going to be a great resource room for student organizations, and a really neat room designed by a committee of students for holding retreats and workshops.
Equally exciting, though, is the foot traffic. This building is going to be high density and high use! It is situated smack dab in the middle of the campus, and will effectively serve as the transitional building between the residential campus and the academic campus. This means that lots of students will be passing through it on their way to class. Hopefully students will also be hanging out there between classes. My potential office looks out onto the primary courtyard which means students can see if I’m available and come by and say hello.
Right now, although I’m in the student activities suite (and I should note I don’t work for student activities so they’ve been very nice to house me) I’m tucked away in the back. Students have to make an effort to seek me out, and generally the students I see on a regular basis are my student leaders who come by for signatures or students who find themselves in serious trouble. This new geography will hopefully encourage more casual visitors and allow me to develop new relationships with a greater spectrum of students.
At the same time, my students are currently redecorating their lounge (yes some of the larger student organizations on our campus have their own lounges as much as an administrative nightmare that presents). This is an amazing resource that they seriously underutilize. When I first got here it was effectively being treated like a storage room. I put an end to that quickly, but last week a huge chunk of plaster fell off a wall and almost hit a student. To their credit they used to the incident to convince facilities that it was time to redecorate. So everyone has new furniture fever. On Monday I met with them and the University Interior Decorator (seriously! We have a university interior decorator?) and they picked out lots of cool stuff. Now if only I could get that old lock that refuses to open for me fixed, we’d be set!
I’ve promised them starting in the spring once the new furniture is here and the space is cleaned I will do office hours in the lounge. I don’t know if this will continue next year when I am in my Snazzy New Office™. The idea is to get students comfortable and used to the Lounge as an opne alternative space on campus. I'm all for that, but what I'm hoping for out of the Faustian bargain is more student foot traffic. In theory that shouldn't be a problem next year. For me anyways. Oh well! T-minus 8 and a half months!

Res. Life and the City #7- Support

There's the kind of support that you ask for and the kind of support you don't ask for. And then there's the kind that just shows up. ~Carrie Bradshaw


So I'm still in somewhat of a Debbie Downer mood. I know I was in a funk when I wrote my last entry and to be honest, I was waiting to be a better mood to write another post. However, seeing as that isn't happening, I guess I'll just write about what's been going on with me anyway. I have to remember to not guilt-trip myself about not having a happy and cheery blog since this is all about my first year as a professional, for better or for worse, right?

I've been having a really rough couple of weeks for a few reasons. The first is the whole spirituality thing that I wrote about last time. I feel a little better because I'm reading more, researching more, and having conversations with people who know what they are talking about so at least I'm not being stagnant. The other reason I've been having a rough go at it is because of some events that have taken place while I've been on duty. Our department does duty a week at a time so we are only on for two weeks the whole semester instead of random days and weekends throughout the entire year. I didn't know if I was going to like the structure, but I have been pleasantly surprised. When you aren't on duty, you really don't have to make crisis management a piece of your everyday life. I went three whole months with never holding the phone, so it was working out great for me!

However, this all changed a few weeks ago when I held the phone for the first time. I was surprised to be just as, if not more nervous the first night I was on duty when I was a grad. However, I kept telling myself that my duty experience at my current institution couldn't be as bad as the first time I was on duty since the first incident I dealt with ended with a student being LifeFlight-ed, another student being arrested, and the whole incident making international headlines, including CNN. (That's a story for another time).

Although there were some major incidences over the weekend, and one set a truly annoying roommates, I thought I was handling everything quite well. Then Tuesday morning happened. Around 10am I got a call from our Director (which was very atypical) who told me that an on-campus student had been killed in a car accident. What made the situation even more difficult was that the car was been driven by another on-campus student. My one and only fear working in Residence Life has been a student death. I feel like I can handle pretty much anything, but I was not prepared to handle this. My Director asked me to walk over to the student's room to see if the student's roommate was there and if the roommate was there, I was charged with telling him that his roommate and best friend had passed away.

As I began my walk over, I kept thinking to myself "How do I tell someone that their best friend is dead?" How do I do this? I've never been someone who can keep their emotions to themselves either, so I wasn't even sure I would be able to keep it together long enough to eek out the words without dissolving into a puddle of tears and mumbles. I finally arrived at the door, took a deep breath, and knocked. The door was opened by a red-faced student who invited me in and I soon realized that the news had already reached the majority of people in the student's community.

The six or so students invited me to sit down and I had the privilege to be with them while they processed the death of their best friend. I tried not to say too much, but just let the students go through the process of letting the situation sink it. They were all dealing with it in very different ways. A few women were bawling their eyes out, one guy was playing video games and wouldn't say a word, the girlfriend of the student who died was running the show and calling everyone they have ever known, while another student suggested that we watch "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" because it was the deceased student's favorite movie.

I will be forever grateful for another student who took it upon himself to lighten the mood whenever possible. When all of us got very quiet and weren't talking, he went to his room, grabbed CatchPhrase and made all of us play for over an hour. When he realized that all of the women were crying and none of the men were, he commented with the thought "Damn societal expectations of masculinity that forces us to be tough and not show emotion." This of course, broke some major tension and also let the three men in the room release some tears in the process.

After a few hours of just being together, the students decided that they were going to get some lunch and then go to the chapel together. I gave them all my contact information and asked them to call me if they had any updates on the other students in the car who were injured, or if they just needed to talk to someone outside of their immediate world. I went back to work, processed the incident with my supervisor, and tried to get back to a productive frame of mind. Just as I was getting back to work, the duty phone rang and it was the roommate of the student who passed away. I asked if he was okay or if anything had changed. He said that everything was fine, but that he wanted to thank me. I, of course, was stunned so I asked why on Earth I needed to be thanked. He said "I just wanted to thank you for showing up. You didn't need to stay and you didn't need to allow us to be with each other without butting in, but you did and that's what we needed from the University, so thank you." It was at that moment, that I realized I really was in the right profession and what I was doing or saying, or even not saying, made a difference to these students in this difficult time in their collegiate careers.

Res. Life and the City #7- Support

There's the kind of support that you ask for and the kind of support you don't ask for. And then there's the kind that just shows up. ~Carrie Bradshaw


So I'm still in somewhat of a Debbie Downer mood. I know I was in a funk when I wrote my last entry and to be honest, I was waiting to be a better mood to write another post. However, seeing as that isn't happening, I guess I'll just write about what's been going on with me anyway. I have to remember to not guilt-trip myself about not having a happy and cheery blog since this is all about my first year as a professional, for better or for worse, right?

I've been having a really rough couple of weeks for a few reasons. The first is the whole spirituality thing that I wrote about last time. I feel a little better because I'm reading more, researching more, and having conversations with people who know what they are talking about so at least I'm not being stagnant. The other reason I've been having a rough go at it is because of some events that have taken place while I've been on duty. Our department does duty a week at a time so we are only on for two weeks the whole semester instead of random days and weekends throughout the entire year. I didn't know if I was going to like the structure, but I have been pleasantly surprised. When you aren't on duty, you really don't have to make crisis management a piece of your everyday life. I went three whole months with never holding the phone, so it was working out great for me!

However, this all changed a few weeks ago when I held the phone for the first time. I was surprised to be just as, if not more nervous the first night I was on duty than when I was on duty the first time when I was a grad. However, I kept telling myself that my duty experience at my current institution couldn't be as bad as the first time I was on duty when I was a grad since the first incident I dealt with ended with a student being LifeFlight-ed, another student being arrested, and the whole incident making international headlines, including CNN. (That's a story for another time).

Although there were some major incidences over the weekend, and one set a truly annoying roommates, I thought I was handling everything quite well. Then Tuesday morning happened. Around 10am I got a call from our Director (which was very atypical) who told me that an on-campus student had been killed in a car accident. What made the situation even more difficult was that the car was been driven by another on-campus student. My one and only fear working in Residence Life has been a student death. I feel like I can handle pretty much anything, but I was not prepared to handle this. My Director asked me to walk over to the student's room to see if the student's roommate was there and if the roommate was there, I was charged with telling him that his roommate and best friend had passed away.

As I began my walk over, I kept thinking to myself "How do I tell someone that their best friend is dead?" How do I do this? I've never been someone who can keep their emotions to themselves either, so I wasn't even sure I would be able to keep it together long enough to eek out the words without dissolving into a puddle of tears and mumbles. I finally arrived at the door, took a deep breath, and knocked. The door was opened by a red-faced student who invited me in and I soon realized that the news had already reached the majority of people in the student's community.

The six or so students invited me to sit down and I had the privilege to be with them while they processed the death of their best friend. I tried not to say too much, but just let the students go through the process of letting the situation sink it. They were all dealing with it in very different ways. A few women were balling their eyes out, one guy was playing video games and wouldn't say a word, the girlfriend of the student who died was running the show and calling everyone they have ever known, while another student suggested that we watch "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" because it was the deceased student's favorite movie.

I will be forever grateful for another student who took it upon himself to lighten the mood whenever possible. When all of us got very quiet and weren't talking, he went to his room, grabbed CatchPhrase and made all of us play for over an hour. When he realized that all of the women were crying and none of the men were, he commented with the thought "Damn societal expectations of masculinity that forces us to be tough and not show emotion." This of course, broke some major tension and also let the three men in the room release some tears in the process.

After a few hours of just being together, the students decided that they were going to get some lunch and then go to the chapel together. I gave them all my contact information and asked them to call me if they had any updates on the other students in the car who were injured, or if they just needed to talk to someone outside of their immediate world. I went back to work, processed the incident with my supervisor, and tried to get back to a productive frame of mind. Just as I was getting back to work, the duty phone rang and it was the roommate of the student who passed away. I asked if he was okay or if anything had changed. He said that everything was fine, but that he wanted to thank me. I, of course, was stunned so I asked why on Earth I needed to be thanked. He said "I just wanted to thank you for showing up. You didn't need to stay and you didn't need to allow us to be with each other without butting in, but you did and that's what we needed from the University, so thank you." It was at that moment, that I realized I really was in the right profession and what I was doing or saying, or even not saying, made a difference to these students in this difficult time in their collegiate careers.

In Medias Res #10- You just keep on pushing over the borderline

I’ve found blogging this year to be much harder than last. When I was writing about the job search process it was easy for two reasons: 1) it gave me a clear simple topic to focus on, 2) I was focusing on the job search all the #*&%ing time. This year has been more challenging in large part because I don’t think about work nearly as much as I thought about getting a job. Now that I have one, and I’m relatively comfortable and happy with it I tend not to think about it so much. Certainly there are days when I’m pissed or frustrated and for most of the ride home I’m cursing people in my head. Generally by the time I’m walking up my stairs, though, I’m reading a bill or perusing the cover of a magazine and work is miles away.
So when I sit down to write these entries on Thursday mornings I’m usually at a loss. I had lunch with a couple of student leaders on Monday as a thank you for a mini-conference they helped me put together. Somehow we got on the topic of my social life, and I started to think about how much I’ve written about that here. Right now, for whatever reason (maybe because I live alone?) I think about that quite a bit more than work. One of the students wants to set me up, the notion of which makes me particularly uncomfortable.
Which brings me to this week’s topic: boundaries.
I know that everyone has to make these decisions on their own. A good friend and someone I generally respect has a really interesting system for determining where his boundaries are. Some students he basically shuts out. There were a group of students who through a combination of hubris and youthful exuberance more or less made his life miserable last year. These students? I don’t think he even acknowledges them in public. However, there are other students- students he’s supervised, students he advises- that he seemingly adopts. They travel with him (and not just on university business). They spend weekends at his apartment. And that works for him. No judgments. (I’m sure no matter how I describe it its going to sound judgmental to people).
I remember early on in grad school our professors asked us to do a crossing the line activity. We stood up along the wall in a classroom and the east was agree, west was disagree. Our professor proposed a version of the following scenario (this is obviously not verbatim): “You are an entry level hall director. Should you be allowed to date an undergraduate student who does not live on campus?” I agreed in large part because I don’t like the idea of my superiors attempting to legislate my behavior. More importantly, I figured if I was dating a student they must be one pretty damn exceptional student. Most of my classmates disagreed. They assumed that it would present a whole myriad of complications. What if one of their friends lives in their building? What if you have to reprimand one of their friends? What if they’re partying in your building!
I brushed off most of these examples. So what if their friends live in my building? I’m not going to show preferential treatment. Hopefully anyone I’m dating would have enough respect for me not to do something as stupid as party in my building. If they are? Well that relationship won’t last very long.
That said I tend to draw my boundaries pretty clearly with students. I like spending time with my students. They are funny, bright, and creative. But they are generally 19 and 20, and I can think of very few cases where I want to spend inordinate amounts of time with a teenager. At the end of the day all of that developmental stuff we’re trying to help them through? Well ‘that stuff’ is what I look for in friends.
I know my students would prefer if I was a little bit looser with the boundaries. They share inordinate amounts of gossip with me in the hopes I will reciprocate. They tell me about their love lives and their drama. Helping them through this stuff is part of my job. Using experiences from my life to illustrate a point, I think, are completely with the bounds of propriety. Still, I’m not updating my Facebook relationship status.
More than anything this is probably the aspect of my job I struggle with the most. Probably because of all the ambiguity involved, right Baxter Magolda? Grad school prepared me to manage a budget, run programs, evaluate and assess my work and the work of others. I have a good grasp of student development theory, and I'm surprised how much of this stuff is just sitting in my brain when I go in for a stragetic planning meeting or a brainstorming session.
Its the messy human relationships that I was completley unprepared for. I think in someways my assistantship made me even less prepared for the transition because as a grad student I could get away with so much more.
Its probably time to join a book club.

In Medias Res # 9- Giving it up for the Kids

This is a brief one cause I am swamped. More of a reaction than anything.



So, I know this is not necessarily what this blog is about, but I’m giving album of the year to Battles’ Mirrored. It came out five months ago, and I cannot see myself falling for any album in the remainder of this year as I have for this one. I’ve been listening to it all summer, and its still not old.

Phew. I’m not nearly as stressed or disconnected as my co-blogger. I think a lot of this just has to do with the fact that I’m not in residence life. Probably everybody in the field can agree that that particular area takes a much bigger psychic toll on your, especially for new professionals. I give much props to the people who live in. Six months ago I thought I could do it, but at the moment I am so happy to go home to my wonderful apartment every day (even the days when it’s a pig sty).

This weekend is what I am starting to refer to as a “Giving it up for the Kids” weekend. Or- because we love our acronyms- a GIUFK. Basically from this morning through Sunday afternoon I have been in hard core event management mode. I met with students all morning in addition to running off materials and finalizing my presentation for a program I’m doing tomorrow (at a campus two hours away). Also, midway through the day I got offered the chance to have a nationally renowned speaker on campus tomorrow for free. Of course, I’m not here, but my students are so I set up the program (and marketed the program) amidst doing everything else. Around 4pm I realized I hadn’t eaten anything to day, and so I am chowing down on some Subway as I type this.

I was definitely surprised to read my co-blogger’s last post this week, though. As crazy as things are for me (and they are crazy) I feel pretty grounded. I’ve written about my supervisor before, and my coworkers. I think on the whole I lucked into better circumstances, rather than I am better at creating a work life balance. I think work has forced me to confront life a little bit more.

I’m looking forward to going away this weekend with my students. A friend from grad school will be at the program, so we’ll grab lunch and certainly kvetch about our jobs. Sunday I come back and I’m training more student leaders, and then before I know it? It will be Monday again. That said, as much as I hate waking up, I don’t really mind coming to work.

Res. Life and the City #6- Faith

“Because being in an actual relationship means taking a risk, you know? It's just, a leap of faith. No matter how many times one might have been disappointed in the past.” -Carrie Bradshaw


Okay, first let's get something out of the way. Yes, I realize that I have not submitted an entry in three weeks. I apologize to the dozens of you reading this and perhaps wondering if I fell into a sinkhole or some other equally ridiculous way of disappearing. No, I did not fall into an actual sinkhole, but I do feel as though I fell into a personal one.

In my last post, I discussed how stressed out I have been. While the stress continues, it has morphed into a different type of stress over the past few weeks. I have internalized my work-related stress and now I am stressed on a personal level. I have simply not felt fulfilled. Then, in the matter of three days about two weeks ago, I hit rock bottom.

This whole episode or journey or whatever it is that's going on with me started innocently enough. My RAs had put together a bi-monthly guided meditation program series for our residents. Being a good supervisor, I decided to stop by one night to see how everything was working out. The leader of the meditation took a different route than I had ever experienced before. Since I work in Res. Life, I have definitely been through my fair share of guided mediations and stress relief exercises, but this time it was a totally different experiences. We did the whole guided muscle relaxation, but then the moderator asked us to go back into our memories and remember a time in which we were truly and totally happy. Not content, or fulfilled, or just okay...you had to pick a time in which you were really, truly happy.

All of a sudden, I was back at my previous institution in my old office which was always the hub of activity for my staff. It was around 10 o'clock at night and one of my favorite RAs threw open the door, strolled right in, and boldly announced "I'm craving a meat and cheese tray!" Like any good supervisor, I immediately agreed and we were soon on our way to the grocery store for a meat and cheese tray, along with some Hawaiian bread and spinach dip. We came back to my office and planned on working on homework together. A few more staff members joined us and we soon found ourselves looking up boy band videos on YouTube until four in the morning.

As I remembered this specific memory, the moderator asked us to bring our minds back to the present. He asked us to think about what about this particular memory was so fantastic, that it made us truly happy. Then he asked us to compare our current feelings toward the world and our life and our happiness to the memory we chose. We went back and forth like that for about 15 minutes and by the end of the exercise, I had started to cry and didn't even realize it. It was at that moment that I realized that I wasn't truly happy. Something was missing. Something was not working with my seemingly perfect life at the perfect school with the perfect job in the perfect location.

The feeling missing something continued until our all-staff meeting two days later. Part of the professional development series that we are doing as a department involved a personal assessment of personal balance. It had the standard questions such as how much sleep you were getting, how often you were getting off-campus, and other things that are specific to live-in professional. However, when I read the last question I stopped in my tracks and it suddenly became hard to breathe. Number 20 was staring back at me like a big, fat schoolyard dare. It read "Do you feel fulfilled?" This question was daring me to take the easy road and write "yes," even when I knew deep-down that the answer was a big, fat "no."

Something was not right with my soul. After our staff meeting, I rushed over to Borders and picked up this book which one of my old staff members (who was actually at the meat and cheese night) recommended to me while I was back for Homecoming. While it may not be for everyone, I felt like the author was speaking directly to me. My soul was craving for something more than meetings and students and exploring my new world. I still don't know if I can properly articulate what it is that I'm looking for, but I know that it has to be spiritual in nature.

You may be asking yourself what this all has to do being a first-year professional. Well, I am a big believer in karma and destiny and all of that "it was meant to be" sort of thing. I feel like although I may not be fulfilled right now, I know in my heart and soul that being at this institution was meant to be. I work at a religious and more so spiritual institution. Some of my friends still can't believe I work here due to my general abhorrence to all organized religions, but I know that I was meant to go through this exploration in a setting where spirituality is talked about on a daily basis. Our campus climate is so open to these types of conversations, whether you are part of a religion or not, you are always invited into the conversation. I am already thankful that I am part of community where I can explore whatever it is that's going on with me with and honest and open heart. I have no idea where I'm going from here, but I guess that's where faith comes into play.

In Medias Res #8-Breaking Writer's Block?

From the album "Writer’s Block" (yes, I know its barely relevant I'm trying to see how many Peter, Bjorn, and John references I can cram in this semester)

I was having a lot of trouble with determining what I want to write about this week. My supervisor is out of town, and my students are immersed in midterms. It is one of those rare slow weeks where I’ve had the chance to get ahead on some ongoing projects. I did have two trainings this week, but I’d prepared them both well in advance (and the one I’ve done so far was pretty damn successful if I do say so myself).
So I figured I’d give you-dear reader- a bit more insight into what a slow week looks like for In Medias Res. We begin at the end, or with last week’s end anyways.
The Weekend:
While web surfing last Thursday I read a brief article about how one of my favorite bands had reformed and was touring. Out of curiosity I check out their website. Lo and behold, they were performing in my neck of the woods Friday night! What are the chances? I read the alternative weekly and pretty regularly check out the community calendars so I like to think I keep abreast of things, but this came up out of nowhere. And the show was awesome. And cheap. Such is the beauty of living in a city.
My weekend was off to a good start. I proceeded to sleep in on Saturday and then run a million errands. I even made it to the Farmer’s Market near my apartment for a cooking demonstration. Sunday I slept in again (good lord if I don’t love sleeping), read in my backyard, and checked out some dogs up for adoption. (So far? No dog.)
Monday:
Was meeting after meeting after meeting. Why do people only want to meet with me on Monday and Friday? And why do they expect me to have energy and enthusiasm at the end of either of those days? After work I went home, ate dinner, exercised, and came back to campus for a student program. Got to sleep around midnight.
Tuesday:
I booked a flight for a conference. I attended a program put on by our law school over the lunch break, and then came back to the office for three hours of curriculum revision. Tuesday it took me an extra half hour to get home because of construction (it usually takes fifteen minutes), and so I couldn’t get to the library before they closed. Rode my bike to the neighborhood borders and bought a copy of Tom Perotta’s new book on sale.
Wednesday:
Spent the morning meeting with our study abroad folks about creating focused themed programming. Not completely sold on the idea yet, but the implementation is at least a year out so hopefully as things firm up I can help them shape it into something exciting. Had lunch with a colleague in the Career Center who really wants to make the transition back to the activities/leadership side of Student Affairs. Kind of sounded like they were gunning for my job (which they will have to pry from my cold dead hands). After work I went home, ate dinner, and came back to campus for a student program (Déjà vu?).
Thursday:
Marathon staff meeting. Spent lunch working with a group of student leaders on a campus wide diversity initiative that needs a lot of conceptual work. This afternoon our campus speaker cancelled and so I have a good chunk of time to work on some programming initiatives. My student worker has been out of the office all week interviewing for Teach for America. My supervisor has not checked in once from the road which I appreciate it. On the agenda tonight: Going to see a craptacular horror film with a coworker.

In Medias Res #7- You Should be Offended

Last weekend was Parent’s Weekend. Its significant because it’s the last weekend I have to work in a while (yay) and perhaps more importantly it was a great chance to get some insight into the students I work with. I can not help but think of my own parents during this sort of program. Back during Orientation (which seems like just yesterday) I couldn’t help but reflect on when my parents dropped me off at college (which also seems like just yesterday). How different my own parents seemed during my Parent’s Weekend, and more importantly-even though since then I might have argued otherwise- how much they treat me more they treated me like an adult. My parents are admittedly shocked-their words- by how independent I turned out to be. I’m not sure when it happened, although I know a lot of it has to do with coming out, but at some point I simply made a conscious decision to stop being a wallflower.

I therefore have a special affinity for those students who come to college and blossom. My transition to independence happened a little earlier, but I really came into my own skin that first semester of college. To see my students interact with their parents was interesting. To see the parents respond to the emergence of this new person in their absence was exciting.

One of the really fun things I got to do this weekend was moderate a coffee house for parents about our civic engagement programs. This is a campus wide effort we’re taking on, and our students expressed a lot of excitement about the opportunities that were being created. Of course because are students are bright and engaged the conversation inevitably turned to some of the hot button issues. In particular we talked a lot about the institution’s commitment to sustainability and the national debate surrounding the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA). Despite the fact that we have students all over the political spectrum, the conversation was respectful. We talked a lot about putting the ‘T’ in LGBT and then expanded on where/why/who gets to add Intersex and Asexual to the acronym. We also talked extensively about the notion of ‘special’ rights and expanding the sphere of what should and should not be legislated. As I transitioned towards final thoughts a parent chimed in that they had really appreciated the level and tone of discourse. They then added that from now on it was going to be hard to watch the chat shows without getting offended. Their student then added vehemently, “You should be offended. We should all be offended.” I waited to see the parent’s reaction, expecting a little bit of frustration, but they sat, thought, and then smiled.

But enough about that,

Friday night I had gone out with some other grad school friends for dinner (trust me, it’s the weird luck of the draw we all ended up here). Friday night the conversation centered on the usual topics: updates about mutual friends, venting about work hours, and concern over one person’s cat. A friend from grad school who works a little over an hour away came into town on Saturday. We went to a drag show downtown (one of the less spectacular drag shows I have been to). The conversation focused on the difficulty of making friends in a small town (his problem), the difficulty of cracking the code of a big city to find your social niche (my problem), and why we’re both single (I feel like I’ve been having that last conversation since sophomore year of college-even if I was just listening to other people when I happened to not be single).

I know we talk about balance a lot in the field, and I think the only thing that differentiates us from most other professions is how MUCH we talk about balance. I have college friends who live in town and they work as much if not more than I do. Being young and trying to create a career is a challenge whatever you do. Personally I would like to develop some friendships outside of the institution to get away from work, but I’m starting to think that this conversation about balance borders on the absurd. This is work, people. This is capitalism (and yes, the urge to compete still exists within higher education. Especially in higher education). Not to sound like a Marxist, but being a cog is supposed to make you feel alienated and isolated. If we don't find comraderie amongst the other workers- well who then?

In Medias Res # 6- Ideological Warriors

I finished a great book last night. It’s called God’s Harvard: A Christian College on a Mission to Save America. The author, a reporter for the Washington Post, spent a couple of years shadowing a group of students at Patrick Henry College (PHC). PHC is a small Evangelical Christian Liberal Arts college. The book gives an overview of the institution’s founding, and then through alternating chapters share the student’s stories. I couldn’t help but think two things: 1) this would make a great dissertation topic, 2) higher education needs to do a better job of communicating what it does and why to people outside of higher ed. Most of the individuals we would consider student services professionals have no student services background. Granted, that in no way means they can't do the job. I know plenty of great practitoners without a traditional student affairs background. But at Patrick Henry the role of student services is parochial and it therefore becomes much more difficult to balance the needs of student development with the goal of Biblical education. I don't think the two are incompatible. Rather that in taking a liberal arts model of education Patrick Henry is undoubtedly leading itself down the road to uncomfortable compromise, and without individuals who have really engaged deeply with thinking about the mission, goals, and methods of liberal arts education they are making the task even more difficult of themselves.

The book ends with the school divided over direction: Is the goal to promote a classical liberal arts education that asks students to develop critical faculties through intellectual exploration or, is the goal to create Christian warriors who view reading Plato and Kant as opposition research? A number of faculty leave because the decision comes down that the school will be the latter. What really struck me about the students’ stories was how powerful the urge to learn and grow can be. Even in this hot house environment where everyone’s behavior is closely observed and scrutinized, students persist in developing whole authentic independent identities. Pretty cool.

Of course, most of the individuals in the book remain pretty hardcore ideologues. I was therefore surprised to hear that Patrick Henry was not putting on an Islamo-Fascism week when the internet and our office started buzzing about the event.. Now there’s a couple of things about this proposed week that bother me, not least of which is the involvement of David Horrowitz who I think would be happy to see the vast majority of the individuals at my institution fired. I’m sure he’d be happy to do away with Multicultural Affairs. What immediately bothers me about the whole thing is the rhetoric. Are not oppressive Islamic states theocracies? Has Fascism become a catch all for any sort of oppressive governmental structure that is anti-democratic?

I know this blog is supposed to be about my first year in the field, but damn if I haven’t been thinking about this programming week a lot lately. It doesn’t seem to be happening on our campus. I have heard rumblings, but generally if our students haven’t gotten their act together yet they aren’t going to. As a professional, though, I am torn in how I would respond to this if I was forced to.

On the one hand, I believe in the value of Free Speech and a public forum for students to try out ideas. I also recognize the marginalizing effect that such a program can have on a variety of student populations, and the corrosive influence that a debate which is not a dialogue (a distinction that I’ll get to in a second) can have on the campus climate.

When our students engage in dialogue about an issue, I find that generally while consensus might not emerge they are much better about creating a tenor of conversation that is respectful and considerate than individuals outside the institution. This is one of the great things about higher education that our critics may deny, but they would be wrong. At good institutions we are capable of fostering honest, open, and factual debate. In cases like the above program where the framing from the start is oppositional to collaboration and conversation (and let’s not kid ourselves, whatever you believe Islamo-Fascism as a rhetorical gesture frames your programming as oppositional) the tenor of the conversation has been decided before its begun. This is not a conversation or even a debate so much as a broadside.

Here is what I would challenge my students to do were they to come to me with the desire to replicate the proposed programs:
• Invite people with differing perspectives. Not only does this promote conversation, it also makes the program more interesting. Who wants to sit and listen to people passively agree?
• Think outside the box. One of the programs is a vigil for victims of Islamic terrorism. What about a vigil for all victims of terrorism? What about a day of reflection about the consequences of violence?

At the end of the day I have a feeling that we won’t see much in the way of Islamo-Fascism week on our campus. I would welcome it, if its going to add to the campus conversation, and spur student engagement. I just hope that if our students do attempt something like this they do it in a way that reflects the campus and not David Horrowitz’s the misguided notion of Higher Education.

Res. Life in the City #5- Feels Like Home to Me

After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away. ~Carrie Bradshaw


So I have been really stressed recently. Not the normal "wow I have a lot to do" kind of stress or really even the "I feel somewhat over my head" stress. This was more along the lines of "I don't know if I can truly do my job" sort of stress. This is not a good feeling. The past two weeks there has been the overwhelming, soul-crushing force that has been hanging over my head. The feeling that has forced me to work 12, 14, or 16 hour days on a regular basis. The feeling that made me feel totally and completely incompetent at my job. Something was simply not right. What was the solution to this problem? Take five days away from work, escape to my prior institution's Homecoming Weekend, totally forget about responsibilities, hang out with friends, mentors, professors, and former staff members, and basically get the hell out of this funk.

I'm still trying to figure out if it was worth it. Clearly, I had a fantastic time. I did almost everything I wanted to while I was home including:

-Seeing everyone I wanted to and no one I didn't
-Catching up with my three best friends from grad school who all made the trek back to Homecoming (which is pretty fantastic when you think about it since we live about 3,000 miles away from each other)
-Hanging out with old RAs in the context of being a friend and not a supervisor which was pretty much amazing
-Eating at all of the places that I have have been craving since uprooting my life
-Laughing to the point of tears numerous times
-Having conversations with old RAs that helped me remember why I wanted to go into student affairs in the first place
-Living in a residence hall room for five days and experiencing public bathrooms for the first time in four years

While this weekend was truly amazing and good for my soul, it was also difficult in many ways. I have always had issues with change. Not so much personal change, but I don't like it when people or places or things that I love change. Therefore, it should come to no surprise that I burst into tears when I walked into the RA Workroom at my old building. It was simply too much for me to take when I saw a new furniture arrangement, different decorations, new systems and processes, and worst of all, a new grad's stuff in my office. It was really, really, really overwhelming. I think I was finally forced into the realization that I really was gone and didn't work there anymore. Consciously, I knew that I had started a new life, but it wasn't until I saw that everything had changed with my own eyes did it hit me that I wasn't just "playing hall director" at my new school, but I really had left the building, staff, students, and institution that I loved and hated with equal passion for over two years.

While I was away however, life kept on churning at my current school. My RAs dealt with a two and a half hour roommate mediation that ended with a stalemate, there was a student who reported suicidal thoughts and six students all decided they wanted to move. The phrase "life goes on" was never more clearly illustrated to me than when I opened up my e-mail for the first time in five days (aren't you proud? I didn't even look at it while I was away!). I was yet again thrown into the soul-crushing stress that made it hard for me to breathe. I'm not afraid to admit that at one point on Wednesday, I shut my office door, blasted some Journey, and just cried my eyes out. The stress had been building for so long, I was ready for my 1-on-1 with my supervisor to be a conversation about how I was slacking with my job responsibilities, wasn't doing well from an administrative standpoint, and was spending too much time on "fluff" (ie developmental activities with my staff) and literally not getting the job done.

I could not have been more wrong. I tried to keep it together for the first part of my 1-on-1, but then I confessed that I was really stressed and didn't know how I was going to get everything done. My supervisor deftly transitioned into a conversation about mid-semester evaluations. She said that she would like to give me a little feedback before our evaluation together next week. I braced myself for the worst, took a deep breath, and was ready for a reaming. However, she said that I was succeeding well past her expectations. She told me that the amount of developmental activities that I was attempting with my staff was something that campus had never seen before. She told me that she was shocked at the way I could be given a task and simply blow it out of the water. She continued to basically go against every notion that I had in my head about how I was majorly sucking at this job. I'm not writing about this to brag, but instead to process where these misconceptions about job performance are coming from. How is it that I think I am barely keeping my head above water, but my supervisor thinks I am gliding along? I'm going to think about that one and get back to you in a couple of days.

In Medias Res #5- Working for the Weekend

Its been a crazy week, so instead of one long post I’ve written a little bit each day, and posted it all at once.
10/1
During our last staff meeting my supervisor basically told me I need to take a three day weekend and soon. I haven’t had any time off since I’ve started (we worked through labor day-yay orientation!) Now, I’m far from burnt out. In fact, I am still very much in the honeymoon phase. That said, if I’m going to lose the vacation days I may as well take them.
I already bought my tickets to go home for Thanksgiving and Winter Break. I thought a lot about going home for an extra weekend, but the cost and time involved would make the whole trip negligible on the enjoyment scale. I toyed around quiet a bit with trying to get some friends to meet me in Vegas, but then I remembered I don’t gamble and the last time (and only) time I was in Vegas I really hated it.
10/2----------
At my local library’s rummage sale I found a copy of Elvis Costello’s 1977 album ‘My Aim is True’. I should note I found this copy on vinyl and it is pretty much in pristine condition. I took it home last weekend and listened to it as I did laundry and cooked my lunch for Monday. The album kicks off with a barn burner called ‘Welcome to the Working Week’. I’ve always liked Costello but he was never someone that I actually sat down and listened to. ‘Welcome to the Working Week’ I think is how we should all start our day. I think it should be required listening in offices.
10/4----------
This is the first week since I have started this job that I feel stressed. At first I was so new I had nothing to do. There were no students around and so I diddled around the office, reading journals and planning programs that I would probably never do without student input. Once the students got back I was giddy and high on their energy. This week though I definitely felt myself crash.
This was not in response to anything in particular. Nothing tragic happened, but a whole series of things (particularly events and programs for which I am solely responsible) came to a head. Every day this week I’ve gone home and been bone tired. I wake up in the morning and I am tired. I am finally starting to understand why my supervisor wants me to take that three day weekend.
Next week is just as bad, but after that it’s a couple of weeks before I have another program. In that time I’m going to take a three day weekend, leave early a couple of days, and maybe come in late once or twice. (And don’t think I’m committing self sabotage. This is all coming from my supervisor).
Right now, honestly, I just want to go and grab a nap. And it’s 9 o’clock in the morning so that’s probably not a good sign.

In Medias Res #4- Young Folks in Student Affairs

I started writing this post on Monday:

“Right after I posted the last blog things with the Frustrating Student Leader (FSL) got much more complicated. FSL is scheduling meetings with professional staff more or less behind my back (that sounds way more devious then it in reality is, but it’s also precisely what is happening). Also, the FSL is complaining. A lot. Loudly. About my advising style.

I’m not worried, weirdly enough. I have enough on my plate that if one (small) student organization is causing some turmoil they are just going to get stuck on the back burner. Obviously FSL and I need to have a talk about expectations and managing conflict, but the amount of energy I’m devoting to this group is becoming disproportionate to their relevance. I’m refocusing on the projects that take precedence and that, quite honestly, are less of a headache.

What I really need to do now…”

As I was writing this post FSL came into my office completely distraught. FSL has a partner that they talk about A LOT. And apparently Sunday night they broke up. And FSL came to talk to me about it. So things are completely different. FSL is still frustrating, but also much more receptive to my suggestions. I think in helping FSL process through what was for him/her a really painful situation we created a lot of trust. Yesterday we had our one on one and I shared with FSL what was frustrating me. They acknowledged my concern and promised to at least make more efforts not to be so damn frustrating.

So that was awesome.

After the one on one I went out with some colleagues for dinner. They all work in the same office, and while I’m right down the hall I’m in a completely different department. Such to the extant that it feels like I’m on a different planet. They were complaining about their supervisor, about other people’s supervisors, basically about every mid level manager in our division.

Now, I am incredibly grateful. My supervisor has some annoying ticks, and I am apparently the first professional staff he has ever supervised. But on the whole he is a great supportive supervisor. He knows how to provide constructive feedback, and he regularly recognizes whatever meager accomplishments I’ve made so far in public forums. He brings his experience to bear in assisting me with developing programming and he helps me navigate the University. More importantly he knows when to back off and defer to my expertise. While our staff meetings are long (he and I spent at least an hour this week going over October events) they are productive and relatively upbeat.

During dinner one of my coworkers went a little overboard with the ranting. In addition to making me slightly uncomfortable (I generally don’t want to be party to these conversations), it made me think about how new professionals develop relationships with seasoned people in the field. Last year, I wrote about the mentor relationship (I tried to find the link, but it’s too much of a pain in the ass). To summarize for new readers or the non-obsessive (which is to say, everyone) I’ve never been good about finding and cultivating mentors. The people who really helped me get into grad school and who supported my initial interest in student affairs slowly fell away as grad school went on despite my best efforts. In grad school I seemed to irritate faculty and staff more than anything. I’m sure if you asked the faculty I worked with they’d have plenty of nice things to say, but no one reached out to me because they failed to see something there. I have friends who had faculty members help them pick out interview clothes. I have friends who talk to faculty members once a week on the phone. Maybe they thought I didn’t need it? Maybe they already had too many mentees? Maybe I should have shaved more often?

Anyway, since I’ve been here that’s been one of my primary concerns. I want to find someone in the institution who sees value in me and the work I do. While I appreciate my supervisor at the end of the day he’s an academic and student affairs is just not his world. I find myself internally auditing people for goals, values, and success attained. I have a particular individual in mind, but some nagging concern is holding me back from initiating that relationship.

Basically the nagging is the sound of my ranting coworkers. I know their complaints are exaggerated, and a lot of them have to do with the individual’s working style which in a mentoring relationship would be less relevant. Do other people see this happening in their departments? I know all organizations are dysfunctional, but what does a good organization that supports and promotes mentoring look like?

Res. Life and the City- Whoa

I dare you to watch this and not be totally and completely fascinated:

http://www.sandfantasy.com/videoclips/just_imagine_long.wmv


I had a semi-intense weekend and I'm still processing, so while that happens, just enjoy the video and get excited for the next post!

In Medias Res #3-The Long Tail View

Do you read Pitchfork? I will admit I read it religiously even though this probably puts me in the category of ‘annoying nail biting hipster’. Every morning starts with a quick check of my email and a perusal of the new reviews on Pitchfork. Lots of the music doesn’t interest me at all, but there’s something refreshing about discovering some good new music every morning. Once in a while a song will really jump out at me and becomes the soundtrack of my day. Ironically enough, it was Bad Kids by Black Lip this week.

I was listening to the said song yesterday when I met with my most frustrating advisee. This individual is the President of one of the student groups I work with. In grad school I worked with two student groups, and they were both very decentralized. We had maybe one advisory meeting a semester and on the whole they were good. Could the students have used more concerted leadership development and training from me? Certainly. But both groups were small and focused on such niche interests (they weren’t Dungeons and Dragon clubs, but there weren’t far off) that the institution was just not going to dedicate those resources. MOST of the students I interacted with were either in the classroom, through training, or in one of the support groups I facilitated. As such my strengths and experience in working with students is not in the advisor/supervisor capacity.

A student worker pointed this out to me last week. We had our weekly check-in, and of the 45 minute meeting we probably spent 40 minutes talking about the campus, involvement opportunities, and his plans for graduate school. I did this because I want to get a better sense of who he is and what he wants to achieve through his work study job. But at the end of the meeting, he looked at me, and said, “Y’know I love meeting with you, because it’s like going to counseling.”

I’m trying to get into a supervisor/advisor mindset (I know those are two different roles). As I was meeting with my difficult student, I kept trying to ask myself WWGAD (What would a Good Advisor Do)? I know that the most beneficial thing would be to let this student fail. It would throw the student organization into turmoil (or I should say more turmoil), but as a leader there is so much this student can gain from not being rescued. Generally his leadership style is authoritative and autocratic. The group meetings are like nails on a chalk board. I need to allow them to fail so they question what they are doing (ideally). But the ‘first do no harm counselor’ in me wants to intervene.

It helps that this student rubs me the wrong way. It’s not easier to let them fail, but it is easier to see the benefit in doing so. I have talked to other advisors on campus-including my supervisor, and they generally seem to agree. This program hasn’t been working for a long time, so allowing it to continue to dysfunction even in a heightened way at least means no one is being anymore underserved. They are being underserved. They will continue to be underserved until we can rebuild. No one likes the idea, but it’s a necessary teachable moment.

My concern, of course, is that this failure won’t be just a teachable moment, but the final nail in the group’s coffin. If people have thoughts for the comments section they’re appreciated. On the whole I’m slightly terrified of creating a combustible situation in my first six months on the job.

Res. Life and the City #3- Awk-ward

Carrie's editor, showing Carrie her book cover: Let me talk you through it. Blurred background, aah, faced paced city. And you, naked with nothing but your ideas.

Carrie: I get it. But, see, no matter how fast paced the city, I always manage to get my clothes on before I leave the apartment.


Ladies and gentlemen, loyal readers throughout the nation, I have a proclamation to make. A mere 10 minutes ago, I went from being an authoritarian, a position, or a title and became a living, breathing, normal human being in the eyes of one of my residents. Did I help them through a hard time, advise them to move forward in their development, or impact their life in a definitive way?

No. I was in the same room as they were and we were both doing laundry. I have one word to describe this interaction: Awk---ward

Let me take you back for a minute. Do you remember when you were in elementary or perhaps even middle school and you saw one of your teachers outside of your school for the first time? Maybe it was in the grocery store or attending one of their children's Little League games or perhaps in the porn section of the local video store on a dare during your best friend's 18th birthday party...wait, maybe that was just me. No matter where you saw them, do you remember the realization that they too were human beings who didn't solely exist in their classroom and then retire under their desk with a cup of tea in one of those #1 Teacher mugs? Well, I just went from being a wide-eyed, slow-to-comprehend child, to being the teacher figure. It's weird. It makes me feel old. I don't know if I like it. Let me see if I can attempt to set the scene for you...

I was just minding my own business, desperately hoping that no one would want to do laundry at 6 o'clock on a Monday night. I was going to do laundry last night, but soon realized that Sunday is a prime night for the college-aged laundry going crowd. Instead, I decided that had at least one more outfit in my closet so I held off until tonight. Mistake #1

Mistake #2 Having all of my undergarments on the top of my laundry basket. I normally do a better job at hiding them, but tonight I just didn't care. I think I was getting a little too cocky about this whole thing. I was really spoiled at my last job. While I didn't have a washer/dryer in my apartment, it was free and was only available to my supervisor and myself so I never had to deal with these types of situations.

Mistake #3 Not scoping out the laundry room before I went gallivanting in, throwing caution to the wind, and perhaps a bra or two in the process. If I would have done a little laundry-themed espionage which could have been under the guise of just checking the room for minor repairs, which would have been totally within the boundaries of my job, I could have avoided the whole situation.

Mistake #4 Not attempting to make witty banter when I first entered the laundry room where F-I-V-E residents stood and not making eye contact with anyone. I knew this was a mistake the first time I made eye contact, plastered a forced, but all-too-thin smile on my face, and went to work. If I would have said hello, or tried to make conversation, this whole situation could have been chalked up to another way of community development. Instead, I let the residents know that I was uncomfortable, which in turn made them uncomfortable, which turned into a bad sit-com where no one wants to say anything, but everyone wants to say something.

Mistake #5 Attempting to force witty banter into the already awkward conversation after the window for such banter was clearly shut, weather proofed, and covered with plywood. I knew it was awkward and the last thing I wanted was for students to feel awkward around me or think that I wasn't a flesh-and-blood human who did normal things like dishes, laundry, or errands. While I made a valiant attempt, the only response I got was a few shifty looks out of the corner of their eyes, a quickening pace of laundry folding, and one woman who threw her newly cleaned clothes in her Bed, Bath, & Beyond basket and fled the room. I automatically assumed that she went back to her room, barely conceling her laughter, and gleefully recounted her experience with her suitemates to the delight of all in her room.


While I would love to disect this embarrassing moment in my professional career to an even deeper level, it is sadly time to change my laundry from the washer to the dryer. Not worry though, I will have learned from my mistakes. I vow to wrap my undergarmets in a non-descript bath towel before I transfer them, I will scope out the scene of the laundry room before entering the scene of the crime, I promise to attempt witty banter if there is a resident hiding around a corner that I didn't catch the first time, and above all else, I will not attempt witty banter if there is already a cloud of awkwardness hanging over the room.

Welcome to the life of a live-in professional!