In Medias Res #19- Hitting My Stride

When I first started my position I will admit I felt somewhat incompetent. Had grad school given me enough content knowledge to reasonably do my job? Yes. Had my grad assistantship provided me with enough professional experience to be able to operate effectively in my new work environment? Of course. Nonetheless I felt meager and uninformed when I first got here. My professional orientation did quite a bit to mitigate this. I started to learn the campus, build relationships, and situate my work in the context of the institution.
There were plenty of times when I felt like an imposter though. Sitting in my first crisis management meeting, discussing a student who I had worked with intensively up until that point, I felt like a moron for not seeing the signs of depression that the student had been exhibiting in egregious ways. My first major student program was for all intents and purposes a wash. The activities were poorly facilitated. The time was poorly managed. No one was really satisfied that any of the identified goals have been achieved.
Now all of this happened early on in my time here. As I got to know the campus, my colleagues, and my students better I learned what I need to focus on and what will take care of itself. My programs now-while by no means perfect- are better administrated, and I regularly receive positive feedback. My students are operating as organizations and as individual peer educators with remarkable efficiency. I am so proud of them, lately. I find myself gushing.
In my own work, specifically in the institutional change work I have been tasked with, I feel competent enough to be able to navigate the waters of bureaucracy to effect real change. In the last month three major organizational outcomes that I have been working on came to fruition in such radically positive ways I was blown away. I still struggle. I still feel the pang of incompetence. But, dear reader, I think I’m hitting my stride.
Yesterday was probably the best day that I’ve had at work since I’ve started. Two major institutional policy changes that I’ve been working on since I got here, and expected to be working on for the next few years, came up for review. And lo and behold, my recommendations were accepted. So now I need to find something new to work on.
My supervisor and I were discussing this morning our recent success, and he suggested he believes it is a byproduct of my ability to navigate the campus culture. Our conversation meandered to another new colleague (we actually started the same day) who has not found any sort of institutional fit. Others have been bubbling over about how this individual should maybe start looking at other opportunities. This is after less than a year!
When I interviewed they told me that the organizational culture was strong. This has its plusses and minuses. Obviously, for someone like me where the culture is a snug fit, I hit my stride a little bit sooner. It seems too like people who fit tend to stay here longer, sometimes for their whole careers working their way up. For others though, especially those who are resistant to the culture, I get the impression we chew them up and spit them out quickly.
For me, I’d rather be at a place where there’s a strong culture that I feel comfortable in. I’m sure to a certain extant it quells dissent, but I’m a strong personality. I’d probably get into quite a bit more conflict otherwise.

Res. Life and the City #13- Transitionally Challenged

After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away. ~Carrie Bradshaw


First, I apologize for the prolonged absence. There's been a lot of stuff going on with my job and not all good. Second, I realize that I have used the preceding quote before, but it's really the only one that gets at the heart of this post so you may just have to deal with the repetition. I apologize wholeheartedly to the blog purists out there.

So the major issue that I have been dealing with for the past two weeks is a doozey. One of those "I don't know if I can handle this" bombshell type of things. What could possibly be so jarring to my personal and professional self? My supervisor is leaving. The person who recruited me from January through May of last year. The person that I have a professional crush on and have tried to emulate her sensibilities and purpose. The person that has made me grow more a professional and person in six months than all of my other supervisors throughout my life. The person who made this University not just a job, but also a home is leaving.

Now I realize that I am probably blowing this totally out of proposition, but it came as such a shock to me that I think I am still processing it. She pulled a colleague and I over after a meeting last week and said that she needed to talk to us about something. I thought that I had forgotten to turn in some paperwork or something else to that effect. Wrong. She told us that she had been sought out and heavily recruited to take a position at a similar institution that is about two hours away from our current one. She said that it was basically her dream position with a lot more responsibility. She will basically be in charge of an entire Res. Life department and since she doesn't want to get her Ph.D., she knew that she will only be able to move up in the field if she takes jobs with increasingly complex levels of responsibility. She said that she was not actively job searching and actually refused the offer at first, but the school was so set on getting her to come and be a part of major changes in their Division, they came back and re-offered the position. She was really flattered and thought that although she loves this place, she knew that this type of opportunity wouldn't come up again any time soon and she knew that she had to go for it.

What did I hear from all of this? I didn't hear that she was basically fulfilling one of her major professional goals or taking a big step up the ladder. I didn't hear that she was moving back to a city that she had previously worked in and completely loved. I didn't hear that she was going to reconnect with a lot of old friends. I didn't hear that she was on her way to being in love with this institution with the same passion and furor that I saw in her during the recruitment process. All I heard was that she was leaving and my professional world was crumbling around me.

This was so out of the blue that my first response was a selfish one. I managed to sputter out "Congratulations! This is so great for you!" but all I could think was "What the hell is going to happen to me?" I have never really had abandonment issues before, but in one flash of fear and worry, I think I have a better understanding of what people have told me about before. To add to the craziness, my supervisor told me that she wanted to make a clean break and not get too far into the semester so she would be finishing out this month and then heading off to her new position. Also, during our two subsequent one-on-ones, she has been unable to tell me where the department is heading and whether we will be restructuring or if her position will be filled with someone new.

Our one-on-ones have also been filled with lots of tears on both sides of the table. Granted, I don't discriminate when it comes to crying in front of people, but we have been having conversations about how she would never leave this school for any other position. She has continuously said that she only hopes that I have learned a fraction of what she has learned from me. She said that she was so excited about my candidacy during the recruitment process and had big plans for me with the learning community in my building. She was also very clear that just because she was at another school, that it didn't mean that I still couldn't process with her and visit every now and then. While I know that a lot of this was probably an attempt to quell my tears and eventually heaving, it was nice to know that the relationship hasn't been one-sided.

In closing, I don't know what will happen to me. I know that this institution is very committed to the growth and support of new professionals so I know I won't get lost in the shuffle, but it still an uncertain time. I will probably know more tomorrow after our staff meeting, but there is a part of me that feels like a foster child who is getting shuffled to another set of parents until my full-time family can be put in place. This whole experience has yet again reminded me that change can be my best friend, but the transition time to get to the point of cemented change does not agree with my professional sensibilities.

In medias res #18- I'm not there more than I am

Phew! This one is two weeks late, dear reader. But its crunch time, and something had to give. I apologize for leaving you out in the cold like a puppy with an inconsiderate owner. If only you would stop shitting on the carpet.
One of my favorite classes in graduate school was about campus environments. I was (and remain) particularly fascinated by the interplay between socially constructed and physical environments. On my campus the physical environment is constantly in flux. We’re rehabbing buildings, tearing old ones down, and throwing new ones up. As space shifts what our students do in that space also changes. At the moment we’re lacking in premier large scale event space, and so my students are envisioning programming that is smaller and more intimate.
I am particularly struck by this affect-at the moment- because my personal space is influx as well. I got back from the holidays, and went straight off to a weekend retreat with my students. Since then every evening I’ve had a program, and my desire/willingness to put away my clean laundry and put together a new piece of furniture have been minimal. As such my apartment looks like a disaster zone.
Normally this would piss me off for about the first five minutes, and then I would come in turn on American Idol and ignore it. I am generally a pretty fastidiously neat person, and although my apartment’s disorganized it is not really messy or dirty. I’m taking exception at the moment because yesterday a friend asked if he could stay with me this weekend. Of course, I’m happy to have a visitor, but not when my apartment looks like a war zone. So I’m heading out early to clean.
I mention all this so you get a sense of how much order matters to me. Of course, I could of simply said: dear reader, order matters to me. But it wouldn’t of had the same impact, would it? No, no it wouldn’t.
So order matters to me. Some of my students are rehabbing an older lounge on campus for use by their student group. Of all the things I’ve been called on to do this year, this one task has been the most frustrating. In large part it is because of the disorganization. They’ve moved furniture into the hallway while they paint. They store their paint supplies all over the place, and they have ruined many a brush by forgetting (refusing?) to wash it.
My school is definitely a town and gown institution. When I tell people where I work that bit of animosity about the wealth and privilege of our students bubbles up. People love to recount horror stories about our students making some grave error or generally acting like brats. While this is so very far from the case with most of our students, like any campus we have a collection of bad seeds.
That said, I hadn’t really noticed how sheltered our students are until they ruined all the paint brushes. This might be an odd moment for critical reflection or revelation, but in reality it brought a couple of different things into focus for me. In large part I think I attributed much of this behavior initially to age. One of the strange byproducts of working at a competitive private is the reality that almost all our students are in the 18-23 range. So it becomes easier to dismiss anti-social behavior as a result of age.
This too shall pass. They will finish painting, the new furniture will arrive, and all will be well in the world. I will have a new satellite office to work out of with lots more student contact, and hopefully I can teach them to respect the space a little bit more. If not, I will aggressively intervene the best way I know how: throw out anything and everything not nailed down.

Res. Life and the City #12: Facilitated Friendships

Carrie: Hey, I don't need therapy. I need new friends!
Samantha: Look, we're as messed up as you are. It's like the blind leading the blind.


Well, I'm back to it. Our buildings opened last weekend and I have just finished my first week of the Spring semester. It's nice to know that I have survived the fall, but similiarly to In Media Res' post, Spring semester is a totally different monster. I was advised by my supervisor to request committees and assignments that are Fall semester-loaded since I was immediately put on the professional selection committee which has all of their work in the Spring. Somehow, the committees I was placed on were "in theory" doing most of their work in the Fall, but due to certain circumstances and a general lack of leadership, all of the projects just got shoved into the Spring semester. What does this mean? Well, I think this semester will be a true test of my worth.

I remember going through the selection process last year and as exhausting as it was from the candidate side, I can only imagine how difficult it will be to be on the other end. The volume of candidate's resumes to review, reference calls to make, and telephone interviews to conduct are all staggering to me. I can only hope that my RAs are must more self-sufficient this semester. I think, correction: hope I have taught them well, but you never really know until you let them try and do everything themselves. To say the least, it should be interesting.

This anticipated marathon of stress brings me to my next topic: professional friendships. It was recently brought to my attention that I am in a "clique" and therefore put out an air of exclusivity in terms of my collegues. While we all know that Res. Life is must more relationship-focused than other functional areas, it really made me start thinking about what, if any, obligation live-in staff members have to be "friends" with their co-workers. Obviously, there are going to be people that you connect with more than others, but does this mean that you must always make a conscious effort to reach out to others who aren't in your self-selected group of friends who are also your collegues?

I'm really struggling with this idea. There is a part of me that says my friends are my personal life and therefore I have no obligation to do any of this reaching out nonsense. If I don't particularly like someone and don't click with them on a personal level, I don't think I should force a relationship. On the other hand, is this hypocritical for me to say given what I try to teach my students and staff members about making sure those in their community are not marginalized? Also, it is silly for me to think that my personal friendships will not bleed over into my professional interactions. Obviously, if you know a collegue on a personal level, it makes it easier to ask them for favors, ask them to join you with projects or presentations, or just call to vent about job-realted issues. Is this appropriate or does this put other professional realtionships into jeopardy when the same personal connection has not been made? The cynic in me just wants to tell people "I don't have to be friends with you. I just have to work with you," but is this statement even possible for those of us with live-in jobs? We all visit the same eateries (on campus), go to the same events (on-campus of course), and share the same professional experiences (within our halls).

What do you think?

In Medias Res #17-When you hear the gun start running

No dear reader, my office has not descended into an Old West style shoot out. Rather I am preparing for the oncoming marathon that is Spring semester. Is there anyone in Student Affairs who disagrees with this maxim: “Spring is hell”? I always manage to forget this in the fall. Largely because the fall is its own kind of busy: new student orientation, convocation (at some schools), Parent’s Weekend, fall break, Thanksgiving, Club Fair and on and on. Admittedly the Fall is busy. Fall goes in fits and starts. A flurry of activity occurs, and then things calm down for a while as our students get themselves sorted academically and socially. My office isn't quiet, but there are certainly times when it is not bustling. Spring is a sustained marathon of events. Students seem to be more or less comfortable on the whole and suddenly there are four times as many programs in a given week as the fall (and things were not shabby in the fall). Students put on festivals, symposiums, and theme months. It is almost enough to simply sit back and watch in awe. Unfortunately sitting back in awe is not what I am paid for.

Case in point (here’s some math for the quantitative among you):

Fall semester programs my students had planned BEFORE the start of the semester: 0
Fall semester programs my students completed: 11
# of meetings my students had planned BEFORE the start of Fall semester: 1
# of meetings my students held during Fall semester: 36
# of new peer educators trained during Fall semester: 0

Spring semester programs my students have planned BEFORE the start of the semester: 5
Spring semester programs my students traditionally hold: 27 (and counting)
# of meetings my students have planned before the start of the semester: 3
# of new peer educators to be trained in January: 22

Let’s hope that their planning is not exponential. My calendar is already a mess. I’ve cancelled plans to attend one conference in February because there was no way I could swing it (and maintain a modicum of sanity). Despite the oncoming deluge I am definitely looking forward to the spring. The programming is much bigger, and I can only imagine the impact some of my students’ creativity will have on the campus. I feel more confident in my job, and my ability to execute. More importantly I’m finally starting to get the hang of the advisor role. I’ve done it before, but I don’t think I’ve ever done it well. Towards the second half of the fall I felt myself developing a clearer philosophy on advising, and putting those principles to good use.

Most exciting, especially for those long term blog readers: I think I might get to run a candidate search! That’s right, In Medias Res may soon be on the other side of the table at ACPA.