Res. Life and the City #12: Facilitated Friendships

Carrie: Hey, I don't need therapy. I need new friends!
Samantha: Look, we're as messed up as you are. It's like the blind leading the blind.


Well, I'm back to it. Our buildings opened last weekend and I have just finished my first week of the Spring semester. It's nice to know that I have survived the fall, but similiarly to In Media Res' post, Spring semester is a totally different monster. I was advised by my supervisor to request committees and assignments that are Fall semester-loaded since I was immediately put on the professional selection committee which has all of their work in the Spring. Somehow, the committees I was placed on were "in theory" doing most of their work in the Fall, but due to certain circumstances and a general lack of leadership, all of the projects just got shoved into the Spring semester. What does this mean? Well, I think this semester will be a true test of my worth.

I remember going through the selection process last year and as exhausting as it was from the candidate side, I can only imagine how difficult it will be to be on the other end. The volume of candidate's resumes to review, reference calls to make, and telephone interviews to conduct are all staggering to me. I can only hope that my RAs are must more self-sufficient this semester. I think, correction: hope I have taught them well, but you never really know until you let them try and do everything themselves. To say the least, it should be interesting.

This anticipated marathon of stress brings me to my next topic: professional friendships. It was recently brought to my attention that I am in a "clique" and therefore put out an air of exclusivity in terms of my collegues. While we all know that Res. Life is must more relationship-focused than other functional areas, it really made me start thinking about what, if any, obligation live-in staff members have to be "friends" with their co-workers. Obviously, there are going to be people that you connect with more than others, but does this mean that you must always make a conscious effort to reach out to others who aren't in your self-selected group of friends who are also your collegues?

I'm really struggling with this idea. There is a part of me that says my friends are my personal life and therefore I have no obligation to do any of this reaching out nonsense. If I don't particularly like someone and don't click with them on a personal level, I don't think I should force a relationship. On the other hand, is this hypocritical for me to say given what I try to teach my students and staff members about making sure those in their community are not marginalized? Also, it is silly for me to think that my personal friendships will not bleed over into my professional interactions. Obviously, if you know a collegue on a personal level, it makes it easier to ask them for favors, ask them to join you with projects or presentations, or just call to vent about job-realted issues. Is this appropriate or does this put other professional realtionships into jeopardy when the same personal connection has not been made? The cynic in me just wants to tell people "I don't have to be friends with you. I just have to work with you," but is this statement even possible for those of us with live-in jobs? We all visit the same eateries (on campus), go to the same events (on-campus of course), and share the same professional experiences (within our halls).

What do you think?

In Medias Res #17-When you hear the gun start running

No dear reader, my office has not descended into an Old West style shoot out. Rather I am preparing for the oncoming marathon that is Spring semester. Is there anyone in Student Affairs who disagrees with this maxim: “Spring is hell”? I always manage to forget this in the fall. Largely because the fall is its own kind of busy: new student orientation, convocation (at some schools), Parent’s Weekend, fall break, Thanksgiving, Club Fair and on and on. Admittedly the Fall is busy. Fall goes in fits and starts. A flurry of activity occurs, and then things calm down for a while as our students get themselves sorted academically and socially. My office isn't quiet, but there are certainly times when it is not bustling. Spring is a sustained marathon of events. Students seem to be more or less comfortable on the whole and suddenly there are four times as many programs in a given week as the fall (and things were not shabby in the fall). Students put on festivals, symposiums, and theme months. It is almost enough to simply sit back and watch in awe. Unfortunately sitting back in awe is not what I am paid for.

Case in point (here’s some math for the quantitative among you):

Fall semester programs my students had planned BEFORE the start of the semester: 0
Fall semester programs my students completed: 11
# of meetings my students had planned BEFORE the start of Fall semester: 1
# of meetings my students held during Fall semester: 36
# of new peer educators trained during Fall semester: 0

Spring semester programs my students have planned BEFORE the start of the semester: 5
Spring semester programs my students traditionally hold: 27 (and counting)
# of meetings my students have planned before the start of the semester: 3
# of new peer educators to be trained in January: 22

Let’s hope that their planning is not exponential. My calendar is already a mess. I’ve cancelled plans to attend one conference in February because there was no way I could swing it (and maintain a modicum of sanity). Despite the oncoming deluge I am definitely looking forward to the spring. The programming is much bigger, and I can only imagine the impact some of my students’ creativity will have on the campus. I feel more confident in my job, and my ability to execute. More importantly I’m finally starting to get the hang of the advisor role. I’ve done it before, but I don’t think I’ve ever done it well. Towards the second half of the fall I felt myself developing a clearer philosophy on advising, and putting those principles to good use.

Most exciting, especially for those long term blog readers: I think I might get to run a candidate search! That’s right, In Medias Res may soon be on the other side of the table at ACPA.

Res. Life and the City #11- It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

“As we speed along this endless road to the destination called who we hope to be, I can't help but whine, 'Are we there yet?'” ~Carrie Bradshaw


Well, it truly is the most wonderful time of the year. While I am speaking partly about the actual holiday season, and specifically Christmas which is my favorite holiday of the year, I am also talking about the most wonderful time of the year for Res. life folks: CLOSING TIME!

Last week I officially closed my own building for the first time. Sure, as an RA and a grad, I had my own responsibilities and played a role in the larger picture, but I was never the one in charge, giving directions, and making sure everything was secure for the break. Needless to say, I was a little nervous. However, my new institution does things very differently from my last institution and it was not really a big deal to close a building. My other co-workers who are new this year kept calling each other and saying "I think I'm missing something. What are you doing for your building?" Even though I had the overwhelming sense that I was missing something, everything turned out well and my first Winter closing was under my belt.

As a few of the stragglers left the building, laundry in tow, they asked me "So, what are you going to do without any students here?" The first response that came to my mind was "Dance naked through the halls with a bottle of liquor and a lit candle," but I felt like that may give the wrong impression, so I told them that I would finally get a chance to get things done that I haven't been able to get to when students are around. They shook their head with a knowing look in their eye and they scooted out of the building with visions of new cell phones and GPS' in their heads. In reality, the following week was a little bit of a joke. The majority of the time was spent prank calling my co-workers, loading pictures onto Facebook, packing, and enjoying more end-of-the-year parties than necessary. All in all, it was a fantastic last week and a nice way to ease into the holiday break.

I was lucky enough to start the break with a much-needed visit with my best friends from grad school. They somehow all ended up in working in the same city so I flew into their new hometown and spent 2 1/2 days hanging out, seeing their new schools, and experiencing life in their new worlds. It was not only nice to see the things that I've been hearing about for the past six months, but it was totally amazing to just be with my friends and not rush around and make plans and worry about how much time we have left. We simply ate and laughed and it was basically all kinds of wonderful. After a few days of this, my parents picked me up and drove me back to my old life which is where you find me now.

I am watching TV, basking in the glow of our family Christmas tree which is decorated with ornaments chronicling major events in my life since birth, and silently thanking my parents for finally breaking down and getting the Internet. As the holiday rapidly approaches, I am bracing myself for the questions I am bound to receive from my family and friends of the family about my new life, job, and city. It is more than worlds apart from where I sit now, so I am trying to come up with a good response to "So what is it like?" or "So how do you like it?"

Is there ever a really good answer to that question? I never know how to start. It's like the opening interview question which is undoubtedly "So tell us about yourself..." Do you start with a joke or a quip, or do you start out seriously and give it to them straight? Also, how exactly do you describe a new city, friends, job, hobbies, weather, students, dreams, and aspirations? I've started this already with my parents and brother and they have both seemed disappointed when I feebly attempted to describe what it's like to be me.

On the same front, I'm worried that people are going to eventually say "Well what are you going to do after this?" I'm worried because I feel like I have (metaphorically) arrived. Starting a career in student affairs has what I've been working towards (sometimes unconsciously) for the majority of my life. I have a feeling that "Oh, just advancing in my functional area" isn't going to be flashy and exciting enough to impress my judgemental great-aunt Jan and her kids who can do no wrong. However, in the past few months I've realized that I'm no longer working towards a goal, but rather working within this goal to become a better version of myself. I highly doubt that my 88-year-old Grandpa will know or even care about what I'm saying. I have a feeling that the conversation will immediately divert to gas prices, but I guess that's the nature of the holiday season.

In Medias Res #16- Ho, Ho, Oh Hell No, or 'Almost climbing the walls'

It is holiday season in ‘In Medias Res’ land (as I’m sure it is in your land, since the two frequently overlap). Although our students started leaving last Wednesday it isn’t as if I have had a lack of things to do around here. In fact, these last two weeks have been crazy busy. I’ve had a hand full of student crises come through my office, as well as my semester reports and a grant application to push through (as such this is more of an update than a proper post).
Last weekend we had some snow, and although the weather wasn’t particularly bad for whatever reason all the streets around me were iced over. This, of course, made driving on them especially difficult. So with the exception of a few on foot trips to the market and the dry cleaners I was a bit of a homebody. I cooked. I cleaned. I did spectacular amounts of laundry. (I also watched Dreamgirls on HBO. Decent movie).
In Medias Res will be home for the next week so posting will be spotty at best. I’ll have plenty of access to the internet, I just honestly cannot be bothered with you while I’m on vacation. I love you dear reader. I’m just not in love with you.
On that note, I’m going to cut this one short. Life is interesting, but nothing that you really need to concern yourself with. Back in a few, kids. Keep the home fires burning.

In Medias Res #15- My condo is my baby

I need to move. Not right away, but between the commute and some impending construction delays I really would prefer to be closer to work. As much as I like my neighborhood I find myself spending more time away from home, and driving around to get to all my favorite places is getting old. I want to reduce my carbon footprint, dear readers. I want to be the kind of person a Nobel laureate like Al Gore could love.
Now, I won’t be moving for a good six months. That said, I want to get a sense of what’s out there, where I would live, and what I can get for my money. To that end, I stopped in a real estate office this weekend in one of the neighborhoods I have my eye on. As I was talking to the realtor he was explaining the benefits of home ownership. Dear reader, In Medias Res is not a sucker. I know any real estate agent is going to try and talk you into buying a house. That’s their job. I try and talk young people into spending thousands of dollars to sit in a classroom for four years on a regular basis. That’s my racket.
But it did make me think about why I wasn’t even considering buying. I’m still young, and although that’s a factor its not really a compelling one. If I’m making money, and I can save money, should I not be investing what little I can? That would presumably be the primary advantage of investing at a young age: a small amount of money can go further. Student affairs, of course, is a pretty fluid profession. Lots of people move around from school to school, but people tend to stay at my institution for quite a few years. Realistically, barring any major change of circumstance, I imagine I would stay here until I decide to go back for my Phd (which would put me at 3-5 years).
Here’s the advantages as I see them:
I’m building equity.
I have the autonomy and freedom to do what I want with my space.
Some of the houses I’m looking at (and yes in this depressed market I can
probably afford a house) have 2 or 3 bedrooms, and a friend has already
expressed interest in renting an inexpensive bedroom.
Gives me a sense of stability.
It would (most likely) eat into more of my income than rent.
Here are some of the disadvantages:
I’m responsible every time something breaks.
It makes it harder to leave. I’ve basically put down roots.
I might lose money on the house if I have to sell quickly (or the market changes).
I’m not throwing money away on rent.
Honestly, it bugs the crap out of me that my rent money just disappears into the ether. I also hate having a landlord. This may just be my experience, but in general I’ve never been happy with any landlord I’ve had. They’re not responsive. They don’t particularly care about me, more about the condition of the apartment. Everything is a struggle.
I know buying a place wouldn’t be problem free. Houses require upkeep, maintenance, and furniture (the last of which I own very little of). That said, they would be problems I can immediately address since they will be problems I have literal ownership over.
Now, a million things could change between now and the end of the school year. But isn’t that a neat holiday wish? In Medias Res: Homeowner, Blogger, Handsome Sumbitch.

Res. Life and the City #10- Fabulousness

Believe me, your fabulousness would translate. ~Samantha Jones


So last week I sat down with my supervisor to have a little chat about my performance so far this semester. I wasn't expecting too many surprises, since my supervisor has been great about giving me continual feedback throughout the past few months. She told me that I was still impressing people and doing a great job and how happy she was that I was succeeding. However, she then said something that I've been thinking about ever since.

She told me that while she knows how well I am doing, she's not sure if anyone else on campus or in the department is aware of (in her words) my "fabulousness." First, dear reader, please don't view this as a chance for me to brag about my meager accomplishments this semester. Second, I was a little dumbfounded by what to say to this admission by my supervisor. Did this mean that my accomplishments weren't worthy of mention to "higher-ups" or does it mean that I'm just not accomplishing things that higher-ups would ever notice in the first place?

I asked my supervisor to expand on this thought and God bless her, she was great. She told me that she had had lunch with the Associate VP of Student Life and was talking about the people that she supervised and when she mentioned my name, the AVP said that he really didn't see me all that much (which is not good because we work out of the same physical office) and that he didn't know much about me (which is even worse because we have a lot of common interests and even graduated from the same University). When I interviewed here, all of the mid-level managers told me that their main job was to find opportunities for me to grow as a professional and also to brag about me to people who could find opportunities for me in the future. My supervisor reiterated her main goal in her job was to promote her supervisees to others in the department and at the University, so she said she did this during the conversation.

While it's great to know that my supervisor has my back, she brought up a great point. She said that it is very easy for new professionals to get tunnel-vision when it comes to the politics of student affairs. She said that she knows I am doing amazing things in my building and with my students and staff members, but she also said that she sometimes worried that I am so focused about being proficient at my job, that I'm not looking for opportunities to further my network of colleagues. She continued to say that since I am doing my job well, my goal for the next semester should be to start branching out into the University community and start letting people know about the things that I'm doing and that I'm interested in pursuing.

Although I am all for networking, I've decided that I have a big problem with self-promotion. There is nothing less comfortable to me than telling people about what things I've been doing. Maybe it's the good Midwestern girl in me that makes me think that I am being boastful or prideful, but it just doesn't sit right with me. I suppose I've been laboring under the assumption that if I do my job and do it well, people will naturally notice these things. I have soon discovered through my conversation with my supervisor and also as I've been reading the book Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make that Sabotage Their Career maybe women are less prone self-promote and let people know about their fabulousness.

The feminist in me is screaming out that it isn't fair and that women shouldn't have to adapt to men's way of maneuvering in the world of work, but the pragmatist in me is saying that I should just bite the bullet and model my behavior after the men in my department. While I feel blessed to be in a profession that is overwhelming female-oriented, the people in positions of power above mid-level managers are still for the most part male. This means that while my methods of self-promotion (or lack thereof) will theoretically only get me to a certain level and I will inevitably hit the glass ceiling. Although I know that it's good that I'm thinking about this stuff during the first few months of my professional career, it is a little disheartening to think about the strategy and basically game I'll have to play to advance in my career. So what do you think dear reader? Should I shout about my fabulousness from the rooftops or continue to do my job and do it well without the seemingly political self-promotion?

In Medias Res #14: It seems easier to handle if you say 180 days

What sort of person blogs about their job and expects people to actually read?A narcissist most likely. Certainly someone who is self involved enough to think that their musings merit not just an audience, but also consideration. Consideration, dear reader! Which is precisely what I got last week from my supervisors.
For a moment I was concerned that possibly my supervisor was reading this blog because things were almost too perfect. It was as if they had printed out last week’s entry, and gone through it point by point. It made me glad for a moment that I had not concluded my writing with the graphic fantasy scene I had written featuring Jason Bateman and the male cast of Gossip Girl. Then I reminded myself that I’ve put up a sufficiently excellent smoke screen, and that no one could track down In Medias Res so easily. I am much like a master criminal, dear readers, in that you aren’t even completely sure I stole something from you. But I did, dear reader. I stole your hearts.
Anyways, back to consideration. So last week I vented about the lack of feedback I’ve been getting in terms of actual quality of my performance. This week, perhaps because the end of the semester approaches-perhaps because quite a few of my programs have come to fruition-perhaps because my supervisors have been sensing my need for approval- I got quite a bit of recognition. Most of this was in the form of forwarded emails from other individuals on campus letting my supervisors know how much they enjoyed some of our programming. In addition we all met face to face earlier this week, and during that meeting I was basically told that my performance is up to par. There are definitely things I can work on (mostly stuff I was expecting), but it was good to hear that I’m not completely off the rails.
Afterwards I found it much easier to focus on my work and my productivity increased exponentially. This was fortuitous as I’ve been meeting with student leaders all week to review the semester. Now I love my students, but I am sure as hell looking forward to winter break. Granted, I’m not going to be on break. We get a couple of days off for the holidays, but nothing like the month our students get. Instead, I’m looking forward to having the time to catch up on things. Winter break cannot come soon enough!
As I obsess over calendar days, I’ve been noticing that I have in fact just had my six month anniversary in this position. Six months, dear reader! That’s longer than some marriages. This pales in comparison, of course, when one considers that you and I dear reader have been together for almost a year.